Gut Rumbles

August 07, 2005

tough guy

I always thought I was tough. I could take whatever came my way and keep on truckin.' I didn't miss a day of work for my first three years at the chemical plant, and when I finally DID miss, it was for the birth of my daughter. I didn't miss another day until three years after that, when I developed a near-fatal case of strep throat.

I've had teeth knocked out, I've broken bones, I've lost the cartiledge in both knees, I've survived horrendous car wrecks and I've been knocked unconscious a few times. That crap never bothered me at the time. It was inconvenient, but not fatal. I recovered quickly.

The prostate cancer knocked me on my ass, and I don't think I'll EVER be the same man again. Hell, I KNOW I won't. I suppose that I'm lucky to be alive, but that was the most hellish experience of my life. I never believed that ANYTHING could lay me that low for as long as that did. The other stuff happening in my life at the time didn't help my recovery, but that would have been rough in the best of circumstances.

Now, I don't feel so tough anymore. When I get out of bed in the morning, I sound like a LOUD bowl if Rice Krispies going off. I snap, crackle and pop all over. My neck is stiff. My back is sore. My knees ache. My belly burns for a shot of Maalox. I need a hot shower and a good 30 minutes of blood flow before I feel halfway human. Even then, I walk like a crab for a while until I get straightened out.

I think Oscar Wilde said that when a man reaches the age of fifty, he has the face he deserves. My face doesn't look too good anymore, either--- but BEJUS!

My body is falling apart.


are you crazy? you're so f*cking sexy man!

Posted by: erica on August 8, 2005 12:37 AM

Erica, you'd run screaming if you saw (and heard) me in the morning.

Posted by: Acidman on August 8, 2005 12:56 AM

You mean you feel like you have been run over by a MAC gravel truck and it stopped and backed up over you? Your ass sags, bags, and drags the ground? You need Carter's Little Farter Starters to start your day. Guanteed relief for colds, moles, sore assholes, and crawling freckles.

And if that don't work a double dose of geritol LOL welcome to the world of geriatric medicine of which there is damn little.

Posted by: GUYK on August 8, 2005 06:54 AM

Guess I'll stop whineing, you've got it worse than me.

I've read that the 50's are the best years of life -- you've got your act together, that's what really counts.

Posted by: Bonita on August 8, 2005 07:51 AM

my dad always told me real tough guys never have to talk about how tough they are.

Posted by: otherbrotherdaryl on August 8, 2005 08:04 AM

I suppose that the deterioration of our bodies gives some creadence to the 70 + or - that God has given us. I think the real problem sets in when we cease to age.

Posted by: arathorn on August 8, 2005 08:50 AM


Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid sideways, chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming--WOO HOO! WHAT A RIDE!

I wish I was eloquent enough to have written that. I'm not, but I have no idea who to give credit to.

Posted by: Suz on August 8, 2005 08:53 AM

AMEN Chablis!!!

Posted by: Stephanie on August 8, 2005 12:50 PM

May I suggest moderation?

I started feeling bad in my 40's. No energy, sore back, no enthusiasm.

So, I just got in shape, played some sports, and watched what I ate. After I stopped playing sports (soccer) after a knee injury at about age 53 or something, I kinda slipped again. So, recently I decided to do it again, lose weight, change my diet, and work out.

It's a miracle what treating your body decently will do.

SO, I would suggest:
1. Give up cigarettes.
2. Do light weight lifing just to tone up.
3. Walk about 1/2 mile or 1 mile per day, easy, not hard walking.
4. Lose fat. Skip the lard. Eat corn and other veggies. Summer is a great time for all sorts of veggies. Eggs whites are good, as is the occ. egg yolk. And cheap. Buy a calorie book and limit yourself to some preset number of calories.
5. Never pig out when you eat. You will just feel so bad and will think you are old when instead you are just stuffed.
6. Start hanging around nice women again. Socialize more in general.
7. Cut back on the alcohol.

All of the above worked for me.

I am now 59, and feel like I am 20, mostly. I know I am old and my body may cease functioning tomorrow, but, I feel just fine and have plenty of energy for a day's work or an evening's fun.

Moderation. It really works.

Posted by: joel on August 8, 2005 07:06 PM

Well I'll be darned if that's where I got that from! I liked that paragraph when I went to Sam's site awhile back that I wrote it down but I didn't credit her on the page I wrote it down on.
I thought it sounded like something that Acidman might appreciate and doggone if there's not a genetic link!
Thanks, Horrabin.

Posted by: Suz on August 9, 2005 12:19 AM

I've been in car wrecks, had concussions, broken bones, been run over, been in jailhouse fights, stabbed by a jagged broken 60oz glass pitcher, had my left eye dislodged from its socket, had my nose broke, been wounded many times and sewn up, done the prostate thing, and had a massive heart attack almost ten years ago. I lost 25% of my heart muscle, and went through surgery for it. I put shingles on the roof of the house in 100 degree weather the day I got out of the hospital after being there for over a week. I beat the hell out of a man with a bad attitude shortly there after on a night out drinkin' and have never been back to the doctor for my heart since. And I can still go out and run 5 miles today and whip YOUR ass anyday. So quit yer whinin' and get off your sorry ass and exercise some you lazy fucking, smoke-filled, alcoholic chickenhawk.


Posted by: PJ on August 9, 2005 05:06 AM
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