Gut Rumbles
 

August 03, 2005

got dam!!!

What makes it so fucking difficult for computer nerds to handle the English language? I'm serious about this question. In my past, I wrote a lot of operating instructions and procedures at the chemical plant, and I always tried to do them like a recipe in a cookbook. I wanted to make the instructions easy to follow.

In fighting this spyware invasion I've had, I am ready to shoot my computer and go into a Death Wish mode on the people who allegedly run "support" systems for spyware I pay for.

WHT fuck does that shit mean? Okay, I wanna update. I click HERE. Now, I have all kinds of options, but NO one single button that says "update." I try a lot of buttons. I can't discover how to update.

I CALL their alleged "customer support" and I get a recorded voice telling me to go back to the page I'm looking at RIGHT NOW. Well, fuck ME. If I couldn't figure it out before, how do you expect me to do it now?

I swear to Bejus. I think I'm going to quit blogging and work on a couple of books. I just ain't cut out for the internet.

Comments

Rob,

Adaware is the best tool I have found yet for removing spyware. I know it was posted in an earlier thread. Have you downloaded it?

If you have any questions email me and i will walk you through it.

alex

Posted by: Midaz on August 3, 2005 07:16 PM

Go get Jack, he will make it work.

Posted by: catfish on August 3, 2005 07:17 PM

We oughta start a club called WE AI'NT NERDS call it WAT for short. That's my usual response to what you describe-WAT??the fuck ,over?

Posted by: GUYK on August 3, 2005 07:34 PM

I have made the following suggestion to several people, and have never gotten a postive response, but, I'll will try again.

If you have windows less than XP pro, I believe you are screwed.

If you have XP Pro, you can create users which are limited. That is, they cannot install software on the computer. So, while cruising the internet, you are entirely safe from all that crap, AFAIK. If you have to install software, log in as the administrator.

This solved all my spyware problems on my wife's XP laptop.

I use linux, so of course I am security conscious.

APPLE computer is also pretty much immune to that crap, they tell me.

Posted by: joel on August 3, 2005 08:36 PM

check out todd at http://toddwhitlock.com/ ...he sorta makes it easy...

Posted by: ben tzu on August 3, 2005 08:47 PM

As a "computer nerd" I agree -- most people I know involved make copious amounts of language errors. I probably do, too, but I pride myself on trying to catch the damn things. It comes from having to work with the insane programming syntax.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on August 3, 2005 10:26 PM

But if you quit, the TERRORISTS WIN!!!111!11!!1!!

Posted by: Yogimus on August 3, 2005 11:13 PM

Easiest solution for spyware and viruses bar none!!

You have to access the site using Internet Explorer.

Go to
www.housecall.antivirus.com

It's really self explanatory so I don't really need to write the rest of this but "just in case", here it is. I don't think you'll need it though, just go to the link.

Click on the "scan now, it's free" link on the page.

The first time I used it I had to choose my location from a dropdown menu. I don't have to do that now.

Click the start button.

Choose which type of scan you want to do. Virus scan, security scan or complete scan.

I of course always choose complete scan.

Put a check in the "my computer" box and click next.

This will scan your entire computer and automatically remove any spyware or viruses.

If for some reason it can't remove a particular virus, it will give you exact instructions on how to do it yourself.
I use this about once a month and I've never had a problem.

Give it a try.
Dawn

Posted by: dawn on August 3, 2005 11:31 PM

I get them suckers once in a while but I (unfortunetly) have AOL as a carrier and they provide an ad/spyware detection and removal program free. I also downloaded the BETA (test) program from Microsoft. It's free and coming to windows in the future. Between the two programs I manage to keep them out or at least eleminate them after they get in.
If I could track who/what site puts them on i'd remove that site from my business....If enough people quit doing business with those sites they will quit loading us up with adware/spyware. I have used McAfee anti-virus for three years and never has one virus, knock on wood..

Posted by: scrapiron on August 3, 2005 11:57 PM

The clowns who write the programs tend to write the instructions for someone like themselves; they already KNOW how to do whatever, they just need some tips about it. They never seem to remember that a lot(most?) of their customers DO NOT already know this crap.

I decided years ago I'd like to meet Bill Gates, just so I could beat him over the head with the lousy manuals they put with their product.

Posted by: Mark on August 4, 2005 12:22 AM

Pappy,
Get hold of Paul.
He does shit with my computer by remote allll the time.
It's cool as shit to sit and watch him do, too.

If you can't find him, let me know and I'll call him on the phone for ya.
(heh. Just had the thought of you two on the phone together, he with his Canadian accent and you with your Southern one. Lordy, I'd love to hear that conversation... *giggle*)

Anyway, lem'me know if ya need me, okay?

*hugs ya*
(It's been a while and I kinda miss ya... *grin*)

Posted by: Stevie on August 4, 2005 01:00 AM

(Swear ta Gawd, I'mina start callin' you "Blog Faddah" or something. This "Pappy" stuff is wearing me out. I mean, shit Love, yer only about 10 years older'n me, after all... *hugs yer ass agin*)

Posted by: Stevie on August 4, 2005 01:03 AM

Don't quit the blog A man ! I don't know how this fucking thing works, but enjoy reading your writing. I have thought several times of shooting this sumbitch with my non existant guns....
Keep it going, this Okie likes reading your blog..Murry

Posted by: Murry on August 4, 2005 01:46 AM

An example of irony:

"got dam!!!

What makes it so fucking difficult for computer nerds to handle the English language?"

Got dam, I guess this computer nerd doesn't know.

Posted by: GORDON on August 4, 2005 08:11 AM

Every Sunday I read this column in our Sunday paper. Its questions written in to a computer nerd (and he helps people with their technical problems)

I often start reading the questions out loud to annoy my husband (because he hates computers, never uses them, doesnt know shit about them) Then, when I start reading the answers (the replies) he starts laughing....

Because I might as well be speaking GREEK.....

Usually, his last comment to me is "Stop it, you're killing me".....lol...

But you really havent experienced Dantes Nine Circles of Hell until you have connected with "tech support" in BOMBAY INDIA.....As if computer problems and solutions arent difficult enough, now you have a communication problem to boot.

Its enough to make grown men and women weep.

Posted by: Ruth on August 4, 2005 08:15 AM

YOU THINK WE HAVE PROBLEMS WITH THE INTERNET NOW?

The United Nations want to take control of the Internet away from the US! Senator Norm Coleman spoke on the floor of the Senate this week saying that the UN Working Group on Internet Governance wants to oversee the Internet. Check it out:

http://www.drudgereport.com/flash7.htm

TALK ABOUT REAL PROBLEMS!

Posted by: Maggie on August 4, 2005 09:51 AM

You can take Bill Gates suggestion and reformat your hard drive and reinstall everything.

Posted by: WarWagon on August 4, 2005 10:04 AM

Go here:

www.microsoft.com/spyware. Download the free beta after verifying your copy of Windows isn't pirated. You won't be sorry.

E-mail me if you need assistance getting spyware off your machine. I'll call you and walk you through it for free. I do this professionally, so I'm one of the nerds you're talking about, and you're right - most of us are arrogant morons who don't know how to speak plain old English.

Posted by: Trevor on August 4, 2005 10:07 AM

Don't worry, Maggie. The UN can't just "take away" the internet.

At worst they could "control" it in nations that let them, and set up their own parallel nameserver system... which nobody would use unless forced to by their loser totalitarian state.

If the UN ever even tried, the US would point, laugh, and carry on without them. I suspect the EU would do likewise, simply because the technical aspects are utterly unworkable; and with the US and EU out, nobody else would bite.

The UN can want to oversee the internet all it wants. It can't do it without the US's acquisence, and that's just not going to happen.

Posted by: Sigivald on August 4, 2005 01:15 PM

Acidman, if you ever run into trouble with that kind of stuff, let me know. I did pc support for years at Sprint before I became a consultant - I can walk you through fixing most stuff you might run into.

Posted by: Beth Donovan on August 4, 2005 03:19 PM

But Sigivald, what if Kerry HAD been elected? He believes US troops should never be deployed unless the damn UN OK's it....

Kerry would have been damn happy to have Acid cursing out download instructions written in French!

Posted by: Maggie on August 4, 2005 04:14 PM
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