Gut Rumbles

August 03, 2005


I don't know why I wrote about raisin' babies yesterday. Maybe it was looking at those pictures I put in Quinton's Care Package that triggered some memories. I haven't held a baby in years.

I still remember how, because I did it just fine again today.

I went out to check my mail and fetch my garbage can back in from the curb. I heard someone yelling, "Mr.Rob! Mr.Rob!" and I saw Young Jack coming down the street. He was pushing a stroller and he made a bee-line to my driveway.

"I'm taking my brother for a ride," Young Jack announced proudly.

"Well, drive carefully," I said. "You're hauling precious cargo there."

"His name is Jake. It's almost the same name as mine." I agreed. "He doesn't like strangers much," Jack added.

But Jake liked ME. That little fart started grinning and holding his arms out, waving his little hands like some Navy-trained signal officer. "He wants you to pick him up, Mr, Rob," Jack said.

I picked him up. And I'm going to confess something that I usually wouldn't do. IT FELT GOOD! Bejus.

Jake is about one year old, and he has that innocence that attracts me to children and he thought I was a fine figure of a man. He grabbed my nose. I grabbed his. He let go of my nose and I released his. I played baby games with him for about 20 minutes until his mama came home to relieve Jack of baby-sitting duties.

Mom said, "Y'all seem to be getting along just fine. Should I go off and run a few more errands?" I told her NO. From my vast experience with babies, Jake needed a new diaper, because he had pissed himself most badly.

I put Jake back in his stroller and Jack wheeled him across the street. Now, I blog smelling of baby-piss.

It ain't a bad smell. It ain't bad at all.

(Believe it or not, but I have a way with small children and animals. Most of 'em like me... even CATS!)


Yep, it is a nice feeling. You know what my husband said after my daughter was born? It's better for Dad's when mom's don't breastfeed. He would sincerely get upset with me if I took the 2am feeding. That was HIS time with the baby.

Posted by: Kelly on August 3, 2005 05:17 PM

Awww. Chablis is right, for all your talk you really are a nice guy. :-)

Posted by: Alli on August 3, 2005 05:17 PM

I knew it, you're just a big ole teddy bear.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on August 3, 2005 05:31 PM

They say small children are the best judges of character.

Posted by: Jane on August 3, 2005 05:32 PM

Peeing on you is one of the nicer things babies do....

At least you didnt end up wearing the contents of his stomach, (slighty digested and dripping down your shirt) Nothing worse than spit-up baby formula (or whatever they are drinking)

Posted by: Ruth on August 3, 2005 05:40 PM

(Believe it or not, but I have a way with small children and animals. Most of 'em like me... even CATS!)

I have a cat that likes dogs. Cats are dumber than hemlock stumps. The only danm thing they're good at is being cats.

Gerry N.

Posted by: Gerry N. on August 3, 2005 05:58 PM

Ruth, you reminded me... NEVER hold a baby in the air over your face, with your mouth open. BLEK!

Posted by: Jane on August 3, 2005 06:00 PM

I'm GREEN with envy Rob! What I wouldn't give for a baby to play with right now. To smell that sweet baby smell, those smiles that they have and the glow of innocence that they just have about them.

Posted by: Maeve on August 3, 2005 06:12 PM

Awww that's so sweet, so out of character for the Acidman, but very sweet.

Posted by: livey on August 3, 2005 06:29 PM

I love 'em when they belong to somebody else. Grandkids are the best, spoil the little shits and send them home to mama when they shit their pants.

Posted by: GUYK on August 3, 2005 06:31 PM

Glad to see something so simple can brighten an old farts day. Acidgramps.....has a nice ring to it. Mine call my dad Granmoo and Granpoo.

Posted by: gravdigr on August 3, 2005 06:50 PM

Guy is right, substitute grandkids for nieces and you've got my job completely. I play with 'em until they act up then send 'em home to my sister. *evil laugh*

Posted by: Alli on August 3, 2005 06:58 PM

I meant mom (granmoo) and dad (granpoo)

Posted by: gravdigr on August 3, 2005 07:11 PM

That is sooooooo cute.

Posted by: blondage on August 3, 2005 08:27 PM

You write from the heart, man. That's why I keep coming back to read your thoughts. Things come at you and you ping them right back, in such an honest way. It reveals a lot about who you are and I must say, I envy your honesty. Thanks man.

Posted by: Vince Speshock on August 4, 2005 02:01 AM

The only problem with babies and small children is that they grow into teenagers.

I've been meaning to go visit my nieces' little ones. Still some horsey rides left in this old horse. I better do it before I get any more lame.

Posted by: StinKerr on August 4, 2005 03:08 AM

I can just imagine Jack's mom saying that. She had you looking after Jack for all that time and now she thinks she might be able to use you for babysitting duties on the newest kid.

I'm glad you enjoyed the baby. That's the Acidman I know.

Posted by: Da Goddess on August 4, 2005 07:19 PM

Yep, you got 'em all snowed there Acidbrain......just like Bush does it. Nice job.


Posted by: PJ on August 5, 2005 04:04 AM
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