Gut Rumbles

July 29, 2005

a bet I lost

When I was about 18 years old, I had a friend named Keith. He was tall and skinny, but he could eat like a horse. Looking back now, I'm pretty sure he must have had a serious tapeworm or a stomach that should be donated to medical science.

We went to a Burger King one day and he bet that he could eat five Whoppers (with cheese), a large order of fries and drink the biggest milkshake they had in the place. And he could do it in 30 minutes.

The bet was $5.00 and the loser picked up the tab for his meal. My buddies and I pooled our resources and scrounged up enough money to call Keith on that dare.

The sumbitch did it. He ate FIVE Whoppers, scarfed the french fries, drank the milk shake and then took his winnings to buy TWO fried apple pies, which he ALSO ate, ALL within 30 minutes. I've never seen another episode of such gluttony in my life.

Bejus! I don't know how he did it, but he did. And this is a TRUE story!


I won a bet once in school. Cards for quarters. I won, and my butty didn't have a quarter. I yeled:

"FOOL, I'll KILL you for a quarter!" as a joke. (we screwed around like that, and still do)

Before I knew it, a swat team of teachers had me on the ground. Gotta love the public school system.

Posted by: Yogimus on July 29, 2005 08:39 PM

My baby brother eats like that.

Posted by: Maeve on July 29, 2005 10:17 PM

I've been a fatass most of my life and I can't eat like that.

I worked with this skinny little black woman named Twyla Jo who could though.

Jesus Christ! She was 5'2" and weighed 100lbs soaking wet and she could EASILY down half again as much food as me and twice as fast.

The International Federation of Competitive Eating (yes, such a thing exists) champ is a 5'6" tall, 133lb Japanese woman named Takeru Kobayashi.
In 2004 she ate 53 1/2 hot dogs WITH buns in 12 MINUTES for the world record.

I think these skinny black holes have stomach parasites they don't even have scientific names for....

Posted by: Graumagus on July 29, 2005 11:47 PM

oops, I meant that was a Japanese MAN not a woman.

Don't want to piss the guy off, he'll come eat my kids....

Posted by: Graumagus on July 29, 2005 11:48 PM

I got a cousin that eats like that all the time. He's been doing it all his life. He's 46 years old, still skinny and healthy as a mule and still eats like 4 people.

Posted by: assrot on July 30, 2005 09:42 AM

There's a place in Amarillo that has a HUGE steak dinner(several pounds worth) and a standard offer that if you can eat it all in a certain time, it's free. My dad was there one time when two guys came in- average size- and ordered one each. And finished it all in about an hour. Then had half an apple pie- each- for dessert, said thank you, and walked out.

He still has trouble believing it.

Posted by: Mark on July 30, 2005 11:00 AM

It aint got nothin' to do with the boys stomach. It's that damned hollow leg. It'll get you every time. I"m suprised you missed that one.

Posted by: RedNeck on July 30, 2005 11:02 AM

Quarter Corn Dogs at the Sonic were the source of the bet we had one afternoon after high school.

I came in last of the 3 with 11. I was proud to keep my 11 in my stomach after my gluttony.

Second place was 13.

First place, all 6'5" and 155 pounds of him, ate seven dollars worth. 28 corn dogs. We gawked. He made us stop on the way home so he could get an apple milkshake at the Dairy Barn.

He's still that tall and skinny. I'm fairly sure he could still whoop me in an eating contest.

Posted by: Tommy on July 30, 2005 01:37 PM

On TV, I saw that Japanese guy destroy his opposition at a Nathan's hot-dog eating contest. That little sumbitch beat EVERYBODY ELSE by a mile. And he's smaller than I am.

Posted by: Acidman on July 30, 2005 04:47 PM

I could do that.

Posted by: Steve H. on July 31, 2005 12:09 PM

My folks took us to a steak house when I was 12ish. I asked Pop if I could have the 32 oz porterhouse. He said ok. The owner came out, saw the 120ish lb, skinny kid and said he'd give me that one free if I ate it. I ate it and asked Pop for another since we got that one fee. Got it. Ate it.

I'm almost 65, 6' 2" and about 170 lb. I've eaten everything in sight all my life. Thank God for metbolism!

Posted by: Larry on July 31, 2005 10:21 PM

Geeze I previewed too. free* metabolism*

Posted by: Larry on July 31, 2005 10:23 PM

I still do eat like that. at 18, I was 6-3 and 138 lbs. My first job was working for a local farmer. After work the first day, he told my dad that if he had to feed me he wasn't going to pay me. I put away more steak than the reat of the crew. Arbys 5 for $5.95, plus a pie, fries and a drink.

Posted by: Jeremy on August 1, 2005 01:41 AM

I once married a guy who could fit one hundred and eleven (111) Cheetos in his mouth at once! We're divorced now.

Posted by: Lee on August 2, 2005 05:08 AM
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