Gut Rumbles

July 21, 2005

red-headed irish wimmen

In my younger days, I found blondes very attractive. But after I bedded a few, I learned a few facts about most "blondes."

#1) Most of them are dingy.

#2) They aren't that special in bed.

#3) Most of them have something in common with a 747 jetliner--- they have a black box.

As I grew older, I fell into the clutches of a few red-headed Irish wimmen. They changed my mind about blondes. Lemme tell you about THOSE lovely ladies:

#1) They have very fair skin, almost translucent in the right light. Usually, they have a lot of freckles, too, which THEY find embarassing but I always found sexy.

#2) They are slow to warm, but if you ever get the heater just right, they are complete wildcats in bed.

#2-A) They burn easily in the sun, so why in the hell would you want to take a red-headed Irish woman to the BEACH? Take her to the mountains and rent a place with a good, sturdy bed.

#3) They all have hollow legs. They can drink like fishes and still walk when you're lying under the table in a puddle of your own puke. Be forewarned about that trait. But they are so kind that they will drag you out to your car, pour you in, drive you home and put you to bed. And she's not angry at you in the morning, either.

About the only thing bad I can say about ANY of those wimmen is that they all had big feet.

I had my chance to keep a good 'un, but I fucked that up. That's one of the biggest regrets of my life. If I had that part of my life to live over again...

Well, I don't, so that's that. But sometimes it pains me to think about it.

I left that red-headed Irish woman for Jennifer.


God I hate my freckles and pale skin. But us redheads to rock. I kept up beer for beer with a couple of frat boys for about 3 hours, they passed out on the futon and I walked home. Too bad, that could've been fun.

Posted by: Alli on July 21, 2005 11:20 PM

My second girlfriend was a redhead, she was a cunt. She cheated on me with my best friend, which happened to be her best friends boyfriend. She crushed my heart spit on it and jumped all over it. But then I met my wife, so it all came out in the wash.

Posted by: gravdigr on July 21, 2005 11:33 PM

Not ALL redheads are good 'uns. The exceptions prove the rule.

Now... Alli... do YOU have big feet?

Posted by: Acidman on July 21, 2005 11:39 PM

i'm an irish -- born in dublin, so a real irish -- redhead, and #1 and #2-A definitely apply to me.

#2, not so much. i was pretty much a wildcat from the getgo.

#3, not at all. i don't drink much, if at all, and can't really handle it when i do. a shot of sambuca is enough to get me hammered.

and i do have big feet.

Posted by: marie b. on July 21, 2005 11:58 PM

No A-man I don't have big feet. Size 7 1/2. :)

Posted by: Alli on July 22, 2005 12:07 AM

The DARK celtic women ROCK..........

Posted by: Maeve on July 22, 2005 12:26 AM

There's nothing like a redhead! Damn me to hell if you want but I've always LOVED redheads. You redheaded women out there, bless you! :) The naysayers can have their blondes, they're pretty much useless, kind like a turtle. Once you get 'em on their back, they're both fucked! :) Give me a redhead any day of the week and twice on Sunday!

Posted by: Leuthen on July 22, 2005 12:35 AM

Big feet are to provide stability for birthin... whilst pickin da potatos.

I kid I kid...

Russian chickadees are fun too ;)

Posted by: Yogimus on July 22, 2005 01:05 AM

I wish you wouldn't spread this around about's so true.

Posted by: NOTR on July 22, 2005 02:15 AM

What about blonde celts?

Posted by: Misty on July 22, 2005 03:18 AM

At the risk of being caught "chit-chatting", you've got it right MAEVE! Red heads are all right. In fact, some are much better than all right.....but the raven haired of the emerald isle are the ones that keep you coming back. I know! When I wake up every morning and look over at my bright smilin' witch/wench, I thank gods that haven't even been dreamed up yet. Cooks better than Justin Wilson, rides a horse better than Matt Dillon, has the fashion sense of ALL cover girls put together, mixes my drink just the way I like it, then proceeds to drink twice what I do before haulin' my sorry ass up to bed, cusses twice as good as Rob and Assrot COMBINED, likes dogs better than cats and I won't even get into the making love part because there are just NO words for it, so I won't bother.

Posted by: James Hooker, aka Mr. Lucky on July 22, 2005 03:57 AM

I'm a redhead..hold my beer pretty big feet...get sunburnt just looking out the window...and I'm laughing at the slow to warm part...(that was me in a nutshell..ask the poor hubby..) :)

Posted by: Sandy on July 22, 2005 06:20 AM

yeah, one of my all time favorites was Maureen O'Hara.. My ex was redheaded, but it was a lie-it came in a bottle. Still: a readheaded irish girl- specially with green eyes-- woof!

Posted by: og on July 22, 2005 06:36 AM

Well Rob, it looks like you started out in life stepping on your dingus and just kept doing it. Redheads are okay but I prefer dark haired women. Never thought much of blondes but then I never met a real one. Most of them are bleach blondes.

Posted by: assrot on July 22, 2005 07:27 AM

Right on all counts Rob. Nine out of ten blonds are lousy in bed, some are even anorgasmic. The exceptions, however, are truly exceptional! The exceptions more often than not have green eyes. Why is that?
BTW, there's nothing wrong with big feet. It's just more to lick!

Posted by: Ed on July 22, 2005 08:52 AM

Mr. Lucky, YOU are not guilty of "chit chatting." You were on-topic about the post.

But people who read about red-headed Irish wimmen and suddenly feel inspired to talk about drive-in movies piss me off. That's OFF-TOPIC.

Do that shit on your own dime.

Posted by: Acidman on July 22, 2005 09:22 AM

Freckles, dark or red hair, ughghgh (Homer Simpson slobber), man I am getting hot...gotta go

Posted by: hoosierboy on July 22, 2005 09:29 AM

Thanks for saving us, Ed. Natural blonde here, and I'm reading this post and comments thinking, "This hasn't been my experience at all!" Most men I've been with would've loved to to keep me if I'd let 'em, and my husband definitely does. I do have ONE green eye too! The other's brown (a neurologist told me its a birthmark - others say its because I'm half horny and half full o' sh_t).

But the part of about the feet? Ewww (A-man would probably agree with you there though).

What about someone who's English, German, American Indian AND Irish, I wonder?

Posted by: Jane on July 22, 2005 09:42 AM

Hmmm James/Mr. Lucky.
Sounds like you married my twin!
LOL! Enjoy your witch/wench we are the best!

Posted by: Maeve on July 22, 2005 01:52 PM

Accidic fellow!

I guess you'd shit a brick if I told you I first saw Maureen O'hara, and fell in love with her in Maclintock AT A DRIVE IN MOVIE!!!!!

........hooker ducking now!

Posted by: James Hooker, ace of aces on July 22, 2005 03:03 PM

So what caliber pistol would you recommend if you went hiking in bear country?

And hooker ducking sounds like a sport....


Posted by: Yogimus on July 23, 2005 08:03 AM

Spot on!

In the immortal words of The Boss:

Brunettes are fine man
and blondes are fun
but when in comes to gettin' a dirty job done
I'll take a redheaded woman...

Listen up stud
y'know you're life's been wasted
'til you got down on your knees and tasted
a redheaded woman...

I don't know how many girls you dated
man, but you ain't lived until
you've had your tires rotated
by a redheaded woman...

Posted by: Seppo on July 24, 2005 08:46 PM

Do you know anything about blonde, green eyed Italian women?? Go find yourself one, you won't be disappointed.:)

Posted by: amy on July 25, 2005 03:37 PM

How about that dire lack of large quantities of melanin so that we turn lobster red in the sun in 1 hour or less, whilst the towheads, brunettes and raven tressed lots toddle about seemingly unaffected, not fair, but I'd not trade my red hair for all the WMD's in Iraq!

Posted by: spike on September 4, 2005 02:16 AM

Im 26 and im a red head.People love my hair and me,I dont have a temper,Its hard to make me mad,but you dont wont to try either.Sex on the othere hand,I like it passionate,wild,kinky and sweat all in one.I been married for 10 years.My husband is 36 and still loves me like we first met.So there must be something speacial about me.I have dark red hair lik fire and hazel green eyes,fair skin and would do anything for my man,and never get mad at him.

Posted by: Angel on March 28, 2009 02:07 AM
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