June 21, 2005

everybody's got one

I was inspired by this post to tell a Men's Room story, because I believe that every guy has at least one good one. (Although I'm surprised that Jim does--- from my experience, he seems to prefer the Ladies' Room when he's been drinking. I have photos to prove it, too.)

In case you never read "THE BOOK," midnight in the garden of good and evil, I'll let you in on a little secret: Savannah has a fairly significant gay population. Some of the gay men are EXCELLENT cross-dressers, too.

After a couple of drinks in the dim light of a smoke-filled bar, some of those "ladies" start to look pretty good on a Friday night, especially for a traveling salesman on an expense account who doesn't realize what he's REALLY looking at. During my bar-musician days, I came to know (NOT in the Biblical sense) several of the more... uh... "skilled" impersonators, and sometimes they could have fooled me even though I KNEW who they were. They were that good.

But we had one exception. I can't remember the guy's "Street" name now, but he was at LEAST 6' 6" tall, always wore a long, flowing black evening dress, complete with pearls and big, dangly earrings, and topped off his ensemble with a set of spike-heeled shoes that added 4" to his already impressive height.

One of the bars I played in regularly (the old Port Royal on River Street) had a wrought-iron staircase that led upstairs to the bathrooms. That guy would drop in the bar, have a couple of drinks, and then head upstairs. Those high heels pounding on that wrought iron sounded like John Henry drivin' steel. Every head in the place turned to watch him.

I never knew which bathroom he used.

One night after work, I went with some friends to the IHOP on Broughton Street for a late breakfast. I had been swilling beer all night long and I needed to drain my lizard. I went to the Men's Room.

Most of you guys have seen places like that one. You have a row of urinals, all separated by a shoulder-high privacy screen (or splash-guard)--- you know--- that little piece of half-wall between pissers.

I was standing there doing the "forward stare" when I heard a deep, rumbling bass voice say, "I heard you play tonight, Rob. You sounded good." I looked to my left and saw GARGANTUA standing at the urinal next to me in full battle regalia. I almost pissed down my leg.

That half-wall came to about his waist and he was unabashedly staring down at my hillbilly tool. I shrunk like a spider on a hot stove. "Thanks," I said, as I quickly zipped up and almost caught my wanger in the process. "I appreciate that." I hauled ass outta there.

Recondo 32 and Georgia were with me that night and when I got back to the table, I told them I finally managed to answer a question I'd always wondered about. "You know that big, tall guy who dresses in that black dress with the high heels?" They both knew who I was talking about.

"Well... he uses the Men's Room. Yes, he does."

Comments

My mom works in a gay bar that has a drag queen show every wed. The show is great and if you didn't know it, you swear these guys were girls.
Apparently they don't have a good sized mirror in the mens bathroom because I've seen them use the woman's room on more than one occation.

Posted by: Maeve on June 21, 2005 02:51 PM

The one I remember best was the black guy who went by Larry in the daytime and Latrice at night with all his getup. Ronny Reed, who owned the Longbranch Saloon next to the Port Royal made a point of making him use the men's room and he would complain the Ronny was going to blow his cover.

Posted by: Willy on June 21, 2005 03:11 PM

Eewww! That just makes ya want to use the girls room from now on, eh? No urinals.

Posted by: Kelly on June 21, 2005 03:12 PM

My friends Jason, Jason and I were in Boys Town down in Mexico. (for those of you not familiar with boys town it is pretty much a free for all of girls,drugs, and booze.) We had planted ourselves in a bar for the evening not planning on much. There where the typical whores milling about and my buddy took notice of one. He bought her a few drinks and after a couple hours him and another of our party got up to go to the restroom. I wathched as the girl followed them into the mens restroom. Now I was not present for the rest of the story but this is what they told me transpired. They get into the restroom and are at the urinal taking a piss, the girl walks in and starts reaching around and holds Jason #1's pecker for him. They finish up and she proceeds to start to give him a blowjob. While she is in the throws of sucking him off, Jason #2 pulls down her panties, only to come face to face with a dick. Now #1 is thoroughly enjoying his falatio but when #2 screams "She's got a dick" they proceed to lay an ass whoopin on it that left it unconscious. They come out of the bathroom in quite a hurry grab me and we leave post hast. Naturally I am curious to was transpired in the restroom. Both are mute the 4 hour drive home.
I finally got the whole story out of Jason #1 one night while we where drinking a few beers and laughed my ass off. He has never set foot in Mexico again.

Posted by: gravdigr on June 21, 2005 03:16 PM

Too funny! I was reading this, trying to hold in a belly laugh, and looked over my monitor as one of my [very] superiors was walking by looking at me! Not sure why, but my face went beet red! Guess that's one I'd personally consider "not work friendly".

Posted by: Jane on June 21, 2005 03:39 PM

Yeah, Willy, I remember Larry, too. He looked like a real piece of brown sugar when he got dressed up. Not as good as Crystal, but close.

Posted by: Acidman on June 21, 2005 05:02 PM

Bowleggs, its time to tell another story of Crazy Dave, Big Roy, Prevert, Little Joe, Chief and Indian, Cat

Posted by: catfish on June 21, 2005 06:38 PM

Crystal was a very rich hairdresser, he wore 1,000.00 suits, when we were wearing 20.00 suits, that man knew how to dress, at night he would have a 500.00 dress on with shoes to match and the hangbag too. This was back in 1970 and before, Cat.

Posted by: catfish on June 21, 2005 08:17 PM

I've seen it a couple of times, but the one I really remember was these two reasonably good looking women (so I thought) standing in line in front of me and my girl at a popular local dance club. I remarked though that they were awfully tall and broad shouldered and she punched me (kiddingly) and said "don't you know?" ...well it didn't take me very long to figure it out. Gotta give those guys ...er girls er whatever credit though, they looked pretty damned good otherwise.

Oh, and GRAVDIGR, I did a night in Boys Town in my youth (22) with my brother and it was one of the best nights of my life. Trust me, the little 18 y/o I made a deal with was nowhere near crossdresser status.

Steve Earle even wrote a great song about the place called "The Week Of Living Dangerously"

http://www.steveearle.net/lyrics/ly-exit0.php#TheWeek

Ever single man should visit that place at least once in his life.

Posted by: marcl on June 21, 2005 08:30 PM

I do not have any experience with cross- dressers in the men's room, but I once found a dead guy in the men's room at NYC's Penn Center (train station). It was the day before Thanksgiving and one thousand people must have walked past the guy.....and no one reported the body to the police.

Posted by: Timothy on June 21, 2005 09:02 PM

man you hillbillies are starting to scare me!

Posted by: livey on June 21, 2005 09:30 PM

I didn't say they are all cross dressers. But they ain't all every cowboys dream.

Posted by: gravdigr on June 21, 2005 11:50 PM

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June 21, 2005

everybody's got one