Gut Rumbles

June 13, 2005

he's right

If we don't know anything else down South, we know how to make one hell of a breakfast. I believe that Southern cooking is the best in the country, even if we DO soak most our food in grease and gravy. It still beats that boiled, tasteless shit called "food" in New England.

Eggs, grits, bacon, sausage, country ham, biscuits, sawmill gravy, and sometimes hoe-cakes, too. (How many yankees even know what a hoe-cake is?) You have not lived a complete life until you've had a good Southern breakfast when you're really hungry. And a home-grown tomato is just icing on the cake.

I don't give a shit if that stuff clogs your arteries and takes 10 years off your life. It's a fair trade for that kind of goodness.


Amen, and pass the biscuits!

Posted by: Ed on June 13, 2005 10:49 AM

What do you mean, "even if" we soak it in grease and gravy? That's half the fun! I love homemade greasy-as-hell fried chicken, fried catfish, and fries. Maybe even all in one meal.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on June 13, 2005 11:19 AM

Jesus Christ that sounds good. I'm going outside to check my 'mater plants right now!

Posted by: celeste on June 13, 2005 11:47 AM

My Dad and I are in a 'mater growing contest. Thanks to Miracle Grow I seem to be winning, but that only makes the vines grow tall. What do you use to make the fruit grow large? Lime?

Posted by: Ed on June 13, 2005 12:05 PM

Oh, Lord yes! My Grandma used to make breakfast like that, and especially when you were heading out into the cold woods to be terminally rude to Bambi, it would keep you going all morning. And into the afteroon.

Posted by: Mark on June 13, 2005 01:10 PM

Oh yeah! I love it when Rube provides me with that outstanding stuff for Sunday morning breakfast! That's one fine pampering ;)

Posted by: Ann on June 13, 2005 01:23 PM

Rob - Many years ago, I attended flight school in Vero Beach, FL and stayed for 5 weeks at a quirky little hotel called the Driftwood Inn. (I hope it's still there). It was there that I discovered the "Southern breakfast". You're right ... there is nothing finer. It's where I found the "Joy of grits". I'd grown up with eggs and bacon, the occasional biscuit, and sometimes a slab of ham, but until you bring grits into the combination, you just haven't lived. Damn, I think I have to go find a Waffle House or an IHOP. Best, Terry

Posted by: Terry Reynolds on June 13, 2005 01:49 PM

It's corn bread cooked on a hoe blade over an open fire.

Jeez, not all Yankees eat raw fish for breakfast.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on June 13, 2005 02:34 PM

Dammit, I may be a yankee, but the only time I boil food is when I'm making stock, pasta, or brats (boiled in beer, onions and butter).

Okay, sometimes I forget and I boil chicken breasts when I'm making something with chicken, but I usually pan roast those, unless I'm feeling lazy that day...

Posted by: Michael in Ohio on June 13, 2005 02:35 PM


You are probably using TOO much Miracle Grow. If fed too much nitrogen, tomato plants will be tall and leafy with only a few small fruit.

I put a 2 inch deep layer of dehydrated cow manure around each plant right after planting. This is enough to fertilize through the whole season.

And I will put my Jersey tomatoes up against ANYTHING you Southerners CALL a tomato any day of the week. I have been to EVERY state in this great land, save Alaska and Hawaii. Never sampled a 'mater as glorious as a Jersey.

Posted by: rightisright on June 13, 2005 02:40 PM

MY, My ! Some strong words there Jersey Boy! We southerners won't part with the good 'maters. Especially to a Yankee. Just Damn!

Posted by: Dax Montana on June 13, 2005 02:58 PM

You forgot to mention that the ONLY way to eat eggs&grits is eggs sunnyside up (or over Very easy) then mix with grits and douse all profusely with tobasco sauce, soaking the remains up with the biscuits.

Posted by: RVD on June 13, 2005 05:12 PM

Check this out, losers:

Posted by: Steve H. on June 13, 2005 06:36 PM

I had sausage, sausage gravy, buscits and fried apples for breakfast this morning. MMMMmmmmmmmmm.......

Posted by: Symph on June 13, 2005 07:16 PM

Ed, right on about too damn much of the fertilizer. You can also overwater. I plant my 'maters in a fifty percent mixture of cow shit and top soil-hell, you can buy the stuff at home depot for about a buck a 40# bag. I don't fertilize until mid season. Don't water until the soil is dry about two inches down.

A lot has to do with the plant. Some tomato plants have big tomaotos and some do not.This year I have the Florida Beef Stake Variety and they are a little bigger than a baseball. Not as sweet as some others but large and the plants are unusually strong and resist pests such as aphids.

Posted by: GUYK on June 13, 2005 08:14 PM

If you want big tomatoes, pull off the "suckers
" as the plant is growing, You get fewer tomatoes, but you get BIG ones, the size of soft balls. Those little sucker vines prouduce fruit , but they make all your tomatos smaller.

Posted by: Acidman on June 14, 2005 12:02 AM

I believe I'd kill for a blood red beefsteak tomato right now.

Posted by: StinKerr on June 14, 2005 02:36 AM

This is probably one of the VERY few topics we can all agree on here (even with ED and Acidbrain). A damn good southern breakfast definitely can't be beat by ANYONE, ANYWHERE. Grits, gravy, homeade drop bisquits, sausage, bacon, ham and eggs are just the beginning. If you want to do it right, you got to add a little corn beef hash, and here in Texas, we add a Tex Mex twist with flour tortillas, refried beans and homeade Pico de Gallo. We grow big ole maters, onions, and jalepenos that do just the trick.

Posted by: PJ on June 14, 2005 02:40 AM

I hail from New England and what is this I hear about "boiled food"? I think you are confusing NEW England with MERRY ole England (as in across the pond)

Only time I boil food is when I make spaghetti, or hard boil some eggs....(and of course once a year we have the obligatory Corned Beef and Cabbage)

Posted by: Ruth on June 14, 2005 08:00 AM

Thanks for the "'mater" tips guys. I'll ease up on the Miricle Grow and pinch the suckers. I did use a lot of manure when I planted them.

Posted by: Ed on June 14, 2005 09:01 AM

I believe you use a little too much manure when you post your comments on here too ED. Might want to cut back on that for better results.


Posted by: PJ on June 15, 2005 03:35 AM

You really ought to see the sunshine sometime PJ, but then again, with your head up your ass you don't see much of anything!

Posted by: Ed on June 15, 2005 07:36 AM

That one was clever the first hundred times you used that line ED. Perhaps you should try putting some of that Miracle Gro on your brain and see if it helps you produce some new material.

Posted by: PJ on June 15, 2005 11:34 PM
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