Gut Rumbles

April 09, 2005

bitch, bitch, bitch

Wimmen are never happy. That's just part of their nature. While plastic surgeons rake in billions of dollars installing fake boobs on some wimmen, other wimmen write posts such as this one.

I've always believed that too many men are too boob-obsessed. Yeah--- check the hooters on THAT babe--- and wimmen become boob-obsessed in response. But this isn't the first time I've heard a woman complain about having too much of a good thing.

It's got to be a struggle to tote a pair of real, high-caliber titties around all the time. They are heavy and they get in the way. Watch a big-boobed woman try to run. Those melons get to bouncing and she's liable to knock herself out if one flops hard into her chin. It's got to be hard on the lower back.

I've just never been much of a big-boob-guy anyway. For me, it's all in the nipples. Big boobs often resemble water balloons, and if they roll out to cover your armpits when you lie on your back, they are TOO BIG.

Nipples cannot be too perky.


I'm a small woman...tall, but skinny. After I was pregnant, I was constantly knocking my boobs into something...I just couldn't get the hang of manuevering those puppies. I had never suffered from a bad body image...never really wished for bigger boobs or to gain more weight despite the constant "OMG how do you stay so THIN?" crap that I've listened to all my life. But man, those 3 months it took for my breasts to go back down to their normal, smaller size lasted forever LOL.

Posted by: Chablis on April 9, 2005 11:37 AM

I was blessed OR cursed with big boobs (depending on your view) at a young age. After I got pregnant, I heard all the stories from women who said they LOST their boobs when they breast fed...I couldn't WAIT!

Mine got BIGGER! Bigger with each pregnancy and never went away! LOL!

Somedays I hate them...but, it's just a cross I must bear, just like the curse of the Big Butt I inherited....So, it all balances out.

In the long run...I guess it's okay! I'm big on top and big on the least it's somewhat porportional!

Besides, If you don't like ' don't have to look! LOL!

Posted by: Wendi on April 9, 2005 11:55 AM

Unless they are massively huge or completely absent, I really don't think we give a shit about their size...we just don't want them to droop, something we have no control over.

The answer, once that happens, is either to wear a bra 24/7 for support, or opt for surgery.

As long as I can afford it, I'm going for the latter. You guys can think we're obsessed all ya want to. Why don't you try wearing a bra - a tight underwire - for eighteen hours or so...

Posted by: Key on April 9, 2005 12:05 PM

Amen, A-man! I used to wish/pray/hope/create spells for bigger boobs, but then I noticed my very elderly grandmother had no sag, so I started appreciating what I didn't have!

Posted by: Renee on April 9, 2005 12:31 PM

Confess, Acidman,

You're just trying to lure your female readers into boob-talk, aren't you?

Posted by: Grace on April 9, 2005 12:35 PM

Me? Lure? NEVER!!!

Posted by: Acidman on April 9, 2005 01:42 PM

The hell with features, give me a welcoming disposition every time. Why is that so rare?

Posted by: Brett on April 9, 2005 01:52 PM

Shit on those tits, I am a leg and box man, Cat.

Posted by: catfish on April 9, 2005 10:37 PM

Just today as we were leaving a grocery store, my husband whispers in my ear "Look to you left!!!!". I looked and HOLY COW! This lady looked like she had two beach balls shoved in her shirt, I shit you not! It was freakish to say the least. We even waited outside to pretend to throw trash away just so we could see her walk by. She had on 10lbs of make up too. We laughed all the way home, my husband cannot believe women will pay that kind of money to look like a freak.

Posted by: Maeve on April 9, 2005 11:12 PM

Tthere's no such thing as boobs that are "too big" (outside those surgical monstrosities -- I'm referring to natural boobage).

Big boobs, big child-bearing hips and a sense of humor, and I'm sunk.

Hence The Mrs.

Posted by: Kim du Toit on April 10, 2005 12:59 AM

Four words: weapons of mass distraction

Posted by: oregano on April 10, 2005 01:50 AM

KIM DU TOIT, I had to retype my email three times, then I read the Mrs.
My dreams dashed away once again! I'll have another drink though and try not to think about what I lost. But I did it....

Posted by: murry on April 10, 2005 02:52 AM

Some people seem to be missing Acidman's point, here.

I believe that orienting toward the size of the boobies is straight hard-wired (I would say firmware, but owhell...)

male visual- to - gonad programming. (Read yer Desmond Morris!)

Now, nipples, that's where the nerve endings are...

Posted by: Justthisguy on April 10, 2005 02:38 PM

What I was trying to say, I think, was,that;

if they're big enough to make milk when you need to, and;

sensitive enough to feel good when ya rub 'em;

Who cares what goes on in the Eye of the Guy?

(am an ass, and leg, man m'self.)

Posted by: Justthisguy on April 10, 2005 02:46 PM

If anyone is interested in the opinion of a pig, (Me) I like them Tig 'Ol Bitties! I do not like FAKE tig bitties. I'd rather have natural A than a fake DDD. Although as a child, it didn't matter that my toys were plastic, now it does. Big nipples are cool but the smaller the breasticles, the more wierd they appear. I saw a halter top wearin' gal in Wal Mart the other day who had the puffiest protuberences I've ever seen but she had the breasts of a young boy....not for me. Why do guys always have to be a "leg man" or an "ass man" or a "breast man"? Why not all of the above? I definitely qualify as all of the above. Big girls are ok too. (not fat but THICK and curvy) Yessa!

Posted by: DONGER on April 10, 2005 04:56 PM

Your post reminded me of something I once heard (I think it was Phyllis Diller, but I'm not sure) about a woman jogging and giving herself two black eyes! Or Rita Rudner talking about someone having boobs that drooped so much she could hid a can of cat food under each one.

Anything that big is going to be in the way. I recall the porn actress Kitten Natividad. That was just freakish.

Posted by: Joni on April 10, 2005 05:08 PM
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