Gut Rumbles

February 28, 2005

the litany of an ass-whuppin'

"You better straighten up and fly right!!!"

Sweet Bejus. How many times did I get my ass whupped by both my mother and my father while they said those words? They had me by the hand and were swinging my young ass in a circle at the time, too, so that only the tips of my toes hit the ground about once per lap.

"I TOLD you to straighten up and fly right!!! You don't wanna listen? FINE!!! Take THIS! and THIS! and THIS! and THIS!" and they wouldn't stop until their arms got tired. They did the same thing to my brother, too. We were expected to behave. If you didn't, mama and daddy would bust your ass.

What's wrong with that?

I deserved (almost) every butt-whuppin' I got in my life. I can't complain and shout about "shile apuse" because I was spanked as a young hooligan when I was one. (I was a little pissant who needed to be put in his proper place every once in a while. My folks did that job.)

But I still use those words myself: "You better straighten up and fly right!"

Straighten up and fly right. Isn't that what you WANT your children to do?


I finally agree with you whole heartedly, you probably deserved everyone of them whippings!

Posted by: ken on February 28, 2005 06:37 PM

I got several assbeatings I didn't deserve, but the ones I didn't get that I did deserve far outweighed them.
Assbeating builds character. And forearm strength, I may add.

Posted by: Velociman on February 28, 2005 06:52 PM

I always figured I knew what the punishment was for any given infraction so the only question was ~ Is what I'm getting ready to do worth the price I will pay.....

Posted by: Symph on February 28, 2005 07:47 PM

There's an old Irish story (best told with a thick Irish brogue which I can't figure it in yourselves)..

Pat & Mike are at the local pub. Pat is trying to convince Mike to buy his mule, explaining what a wonderful co-operative animal he is.

After downing a few more pints, Pat drags Mike up to the farm to see this obedient creature, all the while praising this luuuuvely darlin' ass.

Suddenly Pat picks up a 2x4 and smashes the mule across the face. Mike is beside himself...asking Pat what on earth is he doing to this fine beast..."you told me he listens to your every command!"

Pat responds, "Ah, sure 'n he does, but

Mother of three & stepmother of two = 5...
Ah, sure 'n you've first got to get their attention!

Posted by: Maggie on February 28, 2005 07:50 PM

A-Man, your mama and daddy might very well have had their own britches dusted to the tune of that WW2 song!!! Guess they thought it appropriate for you two! (and I'm sure it was!) Ask your mama.

Posted by: Indigo on February 28, 2005 08:44 PM

you TOO -- TOO

Note to self: use PREVIEW!!!

Posted by: Indigo on February 28, 2005 08:46 PM

In truth, children are savages and it its the role of Mom and Dad to civilize them. An ass whuppin will do that right quick. That's what is wrong with some of the cretins in the street today. No one was around to bust some butt.

Posted by: Scalplock1845 on February 28, 2005 09:12 PM

yeah...Mom always made me and my brother walk out to the willow tree out back and pick out the sturdiest whipping branch we could find for her to whip our little asses. If we came back with a wimpy one, she'd just let us sit and think about how dumb THAT was until dad came home from work with his belt.

And yeah, I figure I deserved every one of those whuppin's too.

Posted by: marcl on February 28, 2005 09:39 PM

Good God, if I GOT every asswhipping I deserved my ass would be worn clean off by now.

Posted by: og on February 28, 2005 10:38 PM

Even when I got my butt whipped for things I didn't do, I figure they just made up for the times I did things and didn't get my butt whipped. It all evens out in the end. Every kid needs a good swat or two on the hindquarters now and then.

Posted by: Dubya on February 28, 2005 11:29 PM

In truth, children are savages and it its the role of Mom and Dad to civilize them.

You're talking sense. But too many people these days seem to think that kids are born civilized.

Posted by: McGehee on March 1, 2005 07:33 AM

My mama whupped my ass until I was 23, at which point I politely told her I was too damn old and moved away from home (hey, do you think there was a method to her madness?).

I told myself that I would never spank my children when I had kids, but I have spanked both of them...remarkably, they are two of the best-behaved kids in either of their classrooms because we have never tolerated anything else...

And the folks above are right. When I was a naive social worker with kids of my own, I believed that kids came out okay and were screwed up by their folks. I now believe that they are born as little savage animals, and if they're lucky, they are socialized by mom and dad into acting like little humans.

I've spent the last 15 years of my life working with juvenile delinquents who weren't fortunate enough to have parents like mine who would give them an ass whupping when they desperately needed them. And the bulk of them needed to occur between ages 2 and 6. By the time I get them, it's dam hard to get a 16 year old set straight when they've never had a lick of discipline or appropriate socialization in their lives. We're not talking rehabilitation here, becuase these kids were never "habilitated" in the first place.


Posted by: Catzmeow on March 1, 2005 10:31 AM

durr...correction...when I was a naive social worker with NO kids of my own...

Posted by: catzmeow on March 1, 2005 10:33 AM
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