Gut Rumbles
 

December 03, 2004

bottled water

I still believe that bottled water is the biggest joke in the world. The goddam CONTAINER costs more than the water does, and you assholes cheerfully pay more than $1 a bottle for that shit, because it's "healthy." My ass.

I've drunk water all over Costa Rica, right from the tap, and I've NEVER been sick from doing it. Maybe I'm just more resistant than the tree-hugging, delicate, earth-saving dorkles who tote their bottles of Aqufina like trophies wherever they go, but just MAYBE I am right and they are wrong.

You need bottled water in the USA like you need a boil implant on your ass. You need bottled water in Costa Rica like you need a slice of your butt cut off and boiled for supper. You need bottled water like a dog needs fleas.

If I offended any bottled water drinkers here, I apologize profusely. I happen to believe that I could PISS in that bottle and you would tell me how much better that water was than what you get from the tap. It's the fucking bottle with the label on it that gives you the warm fuzzies, isn't it?

P.T. Barnham must be rolling in his grave right now, wondering "why didn't I think of THAT?"

Suckers.

Comments

Couldn't agree more. If you ever get the chance, you should check out Penn and Teller's Bullshit episode that explores this very subject with hilarious results.

Posted by: Kevin on December 3, 2004 12:41 PM

Evian is naive spelled backwards...

Posted by: greg on December 3, 2004 01:04 PM

Boy, ya hit the nail right on the head again, bud.
"Suckers" is right.. I bet most of the idjits that drink bottled water don't know that MOST of it comes right, straight out of whatever tap's located in their bottling plant. Some of it HAS been 'tweaked' a little... they remove a few of the minerals...so that it doesn't REALLY quench your thirst....so, you'll buy more.
Wish I'd a thunk of it.

Posted by: Pammy on December 3, 2004 01:08 PM

I don't drink bottled water, but I do drink distilled as I live in an area where semiconductor companies used to dump their liquid waste ( Silicon Valley ). Some of that waste was and is quite nasty to ingest and it has gotten into the ground water. Things are better now that no ( or very little ) liquid waste is being dumped ( courtesy of LARGE fines and maybe jail time if you are caught doing it ), BUT the stuff that is still in the ground may be there for CENTURIES!
I have enough problems.

Posted by: Terry on December 3, 2004 01:20 PM

I believe some recent finding showed that bacteria levels in bottled water (which was stored in some poorly-ventilated area or other) far exceeded tap water. So yes, it's completely the brand.

The only use I have for Aquafina is for a convenient way to change out the water in small office fishtank. I think the lone betta fish apprecites the three bucks I spend for it.

Posted by: CT on December 3, 2004 01:30 PM

Bottled water drinkers also only drink Starbucks coffee and the women wear ugly shoes and don't shave their legs.

Posted by: James Old Guy on December 3, 2004 01:45 PM

Baby Boomers sucking on their bottles. That's appropriate..

Posted by: Brett on December 3, 2004 01:55 PM

Now I'm the first to agree about drinking bottled water because you're too good to drink tap water, which I ain't. But fellers, I got to say that Mountain Valley spring water is good stuff. It's been in the ground for thousands of years, is slightly radioactive and full of minerals. It has a "crisp" taste that other water, bottled or otherwise, can't match. I can't afford to drink it all that regularly, but it's awful good when you have the opportunity.

Posted by: greg on December 3, 2004 03:45 PM

Shoot, I kinda like the taste of sulfur........

Posted by: tybee mike on December 3, 2004 04:47 PM

Ya also gots ta drink your'n 8 glasses o water per day to be healthy, cordin' to da spert nutritionists. Haint they ever done heared o da "thirst" mechanism?

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on December 3, 2004 05:44 PM

Ahhhhhh, bottled water,,costs more than gasoline, as good as bottled air, which I think, costs more than gasoline. George Carlin did a bit once ,relating about kids growing up in NY during the 40's, he came from a poor neighborhood , and they swam in NY's rivers during the summer, when it came to polio, the rich kids got it. The "poor" kids had been so immunized by all the stuff they were exposed to that it skipped them.
The only thing that prepares you for heartache and adversity, are heartache and adversity. Oh yeah, Am I rambling, must be the vodka I de-germify my soda (I'm not from the south)with.

Posted by: Ron on December 3, 2004 06:06 PM

When people give me bottled water at their home, I always say, "Can I have some tap water?" They then look at me like I am a retard.

Posted by: EvilJen on December 3, 2004 06:11 PM

Actually, drinking a big glass of tap water is an old travelers trick to keep from getting sick from the local cuisine.

Excluding Mexico, it's worked for me very well throughout my travels around the 'ol blue marble.

That said, I still buy bottled water. Not because it's any better than what comes out of the tap, but because it's convenient to cart to the gym.

Posted by: Mr. Lion on December 3, 2004 08:11 PM

I wish you well in Costa Rica, but I'll stick to bottled in Latin America. Despite my best precautions, Montezuma has his way with me about one out of four visits.

I mean, do you really want to drink something you *know* is shitwater? The cross-contamination protections that we take for granted here, just don't exist down there.

Here's something to make you think. In a public building in a poor part of Iquitos, Peru, I noticed a hose attached to a spigot and lying in a shallow depression with a drain at one end. A slow stream of water was trickling out of the hose. These were the "facilities" for this building. I asked why the hose was left to trickle water. I was told that sometimes the water stopped flowing when the pressure in the pipes got too low. So they left it on to flush out the filth whenever there was water pressure.

Here's the thing though. Every day when the water pressure dropped too low, backsiphoning would happen from the shit pit, sucking that lovely filth back into the pipes. When the pressure came back up again, the filth continued on its way down the pipes and whoever took a drink from a faucet downstream was getting a humongous dose of e-coli, salmonella, cholera and whatever other nasty bacteria or virus was festering in the filth.

This was not an isolated case by any means. This is the norm in many areas.

"Uh waiter! I'll have another bottled water, por favor."

Posted by: Desert Cat on December 3, 2004 10:17 PM

I'm pretty sure the above post happens in Tucson...

Here we have something called CAP. It tastes like CrAP and the shit rots pipes. Literally. Eats pipes. There was a huge fuss about it.

I don't buy bottled water - like you said, too expensive. I instead have a Brita pitcher, and it strains out all the SHIT we get.... (CAP is from colorado river water... where god knows how many things shit, piss and bathe in it) Get a fair amount of gallons per filter, and I buy the filters at price club (discount warehouse) so it's all good.

Count yourself lucky that you have tap water that's decent...

Posted by: cythen on December 4, 2004 02:35 AM

I drank the water in bangkok and I was fine.

Posted by: DaveJ on December 4, 2004 02:52 AM

Cythen, you're not getting CAP water direct delivered in your pipes. Not since the early 1990's anyway. Now the CAP water gets dumped into the ground--recharged--out in Avra Valley. The water that Tucson pumps into the system is either groundwater or groundwater blended with recharged CAP. And you'll find stringent backflow prevention measures taken here in Tucson, compared to south of the border.

I don't mind Tucson Water tapwater these days. It has actually gotten tastier since I started receiving blended recharge in my area (north of downtown). But I do have an RO filter for most of my drinking water.

On the other hand, some of the water that the utility I work for (Metro Water) delivers, is godawful bad tasting I'm ashamed to say.

Posted by: Desert Cat on December 5, 2004 12:30 AM
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