Gut Rumbles

September 03, 2004

easily pissed

I don't know HOW I managed to do it, but I seem to have pissed off a couple of wimmen. I've gotten some downright hurtful comments from them. I read those words and began to hyperventilate. I got a case of the vapors. I had to go to my room and cry in the closet for a while. I threw something and broke it for no good reason.

The fact that I WATCHED MY FATHER DIE after a long battle with cancer doesn't seem to matter to these wimmen. I WAS THE ONE who made the call, telling the doctors to back off and leave my dad to die as peacefully as possible. The fact that my mama turned to ME and said, "handle it" after my father died and I had been awake for 36 hours doesn't mean shit, either. I am a heartless sumbitch, a Dancer With Prostitutes, and a pig. That's what happens when wimmen "feel."

If they didn't have a pussy, there'd be a got-dam bounty on them.


Damn! That will either clear up a lot of too long bitchy posts or just bring a LOT more of them. This should be fun.

Posted by: dbltap on September 3, 2004 03:28 PM

Damn boy! Shut the hell up or you ain't never gonna get laid again. Christ on a crutch! You can think what ya what, but don't say it! This kind of talk should be reserved for where WIMMEN can't hear it! Now, apologize to all the wimmen out there (except the BC) and Shut up!

Posted by: bubba on September 3, 2004 03:33 PM

Before I take up this gauntlet that Acid has so provocatively thrown down, I wanna say that I really like men, even though I've been dissed a time or two myself. I like hanging around with them, I enjoy sparring with them intellectually, and I certainly enjoy some of them in my bed. I'm not a man-hater. But that last line was too much to pass up.

So, anyway, Acidman--the same could be said of men. About there bein' a bounty on 'em except for their dicks, I mean. There's a problem with that, however...most men's peckers are SO SMALL that there should be a bounty on 'em anyway. Generally speakin', that is.

And I gotta tell you honey, with the 'tude you got goin' right now, I wouldn't fuck you with Hillary's. If you really want to get laid on a regular basis, you really oughta consider changing it.

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 03:44 PM

Whoa . .. nice comment Amy . . . its odd when a woman gets down and dirty with the smack and logic...and as we stand now less than 24 hours till my DAWGS take the field...I need something to entertain me...

Why ya hiding behind an alias email account?

Oh and Rob . . . she's probably right . . .you're just a cranky old man . . .*shrugs*....and American women may be too high maintence for you right now...

Posted by: Chris on September 3, 2004 03:48 PM

Dead presidents will get a man laid anytime he wants, Amy.

Posted by: tybee mike on September 3, 2004 03:51 PM

Chris...smack and logic?...WTF are you talkin' about? I'm guessing you're one of the majority of men. Too bad, honey. I'm real sorry. Can't have everything, right?

BTW, it's not an alias email account. It works just fine. It's kinda complicated to type the last part, though, so if you're not good at payin' attention (something tells me you're not), you might type it wrong and get it bounced back when you try to send me lame hate mail.

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 03:55 PM

Yes, Tybee Mike, they will. But a woman can get laid any time she wants WITHOUT the dead presidents.

I know which situation I'd rather be in...

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 04:02 PM

Ok Amy . . . you've compelled me by your wit to actually comment fully.

In my original comment, I was paying you a compliment. I know it may be difficult for you to rationally and objectively ponder what I said. I have prefaced before that all I really care about right now (besides my lovely wife and family/church) is the fact that in 23 hours my Bulldogs will be taking the field. So I'm in a sports smack talk mood. Heck, I RUN a sports message board.

What I was saying is that you effectively with wit and charm told Rob to kick his little butt in gear and get out of the doldrums of this rut he is in.

So do all us a favor doll . . . take a moment and evaluate before you start talking . . . its a common occurrence among your gender (ha! a generalization . . .I don't find credible)....

As for your fault...just am used to people having their website addy there and I wanted to see yours....take a little advice...back off the high horse . . . your opinions here will be appreciated but you have to have some credibility to effectively know...with the goal of educating the person being spoken to...odd eh?

Anything else you want to say?

Posted by: Chris on September 3, 2004 04:02 PM

Chris--darlin'--I like it up here on my high horse, even though I acknowledge it's not the safest place to be. I often see things better from up here.

As to your support of what I told Acidman--nope, I missed it as being support. I saw it as sarcasm. Atlhough I was brought up in a ravening SEC family (GO GATORS!!) and I understand football, in general I'm not a big sports fan and I generally don't "get" hip sports-related terminology. Hence my misinterpretation of "smack and logic" as sarcasm. When I saw your not-so-salient observation about my email, I just figured you were one of the trogs.

Anyways, my bad. My abject apologies for the slur on your manhood. I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong. I just never could resist a good fight, and it seems like Acid and a couple of you guys here have been desperately trying to pick one. While I'm merely tryin' to give pithy advice. ;-)

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 04:26 PM

Amy, if you're a Gators fan, you can bite BOTH CHEEKS of my Cracker ass.

Posted by: Acidman on September 3, 2004 04:29 PM

Oh good lord...a GATOR fan? She needs JESUS folks.....accept the Bulldog way as the only pure path to righteousness and you shall be saved....


Posted by: Chris on September 3, 2004 04:31 PM

You're a "a heartless sumbitch, a Dancer With Prostitutes, and a pig"?

Welcome to the sty, sir. Lots of us sows just wallowing here as well. Most seem to think their ears can be made into silk purses, but you and I know better.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 3, 2004 04:31 PM

I wouldn't call myself a strict Gator fan...I and my family will root for the Dawgs if we've got absolutely nothing better to do...

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 04:32 PM

How are the ears, Ladies?

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 3, 2004 05:09 PM

"How are the ears, Ladies?"

MamaM--If you mean are they burnin'...well, hell yeah. I'm used to that. Even though I'm new to the blogosphere and this comment stuff in general, I am not new to putting my opinion out there and getting shit for it. Or getting generalized dislike and societal disapprobation thrown my way. But if that's not what you mean, then please clarify. Sometimes I'm a little thick.

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 05:39 PM

Oh, Rob, stick it between yer hedges. To Hell with Georgia!

Posted by: Justthisguy on September 3, 2004 05:57 PM

It's all there, Amy. You just need to read.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 3, 2004 11:03 PM

Well, sorry, but I just can't see it. Cryptic, obtuse comments sometimes just go right past me. Guess that makes me not quite as smart as you.

Does any one else have any idea what she's talking about? Does anyone care?

Posted by: Amy on September 3, 2004 11:46 PM

Type whatever you want, ladies.

But you better be typing from the kitchen.

ha ha ha ha!

Posted by: horse with no-- on September 4, 2004 12:22 AM

I'm in the next room over from the kitchen.
Does that count?

Posted by: Stevie on September 4, 2004 03:18 AM

Uh.. GO BUCKS!(Gametime -30 minutes)

My opinion after reading all this is that the reality of the situation IS somewhere in the middle. I don't believe all women are "girlie women" and I don't believe men have the market cornered in "all things that make sense". It takes both genders to keep the big blue marble spinning but, like every other "bushel", there are going to be a few bad apples.

Posted by: Bryan on September 4, 2004 11:34 AM

"Lots of us sows just wallowing here as well. Most seem to think their ears can be made into silk purses, but you and I know better."

Amy, there is absolutely nothing cryptic or obtuse about that comment, and yes, apparently it does make most of us smarter than you. Or perhaps just better, more comprehensive readers.

It is called Metaphor. Metaphor is just like Simile, except that it does not employ the works "like" or "as" in it's comparison. I do believe it was a part of the Jr. High Language Arts curriculum in 1971. Perhaps that is why you missed it. They quit teaching basic English in the 80's.

Now, if you need further assistance, let me know. Or I'm sure Rob could explain the metaphor to you.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 02:11 PM

Got it. But your oblique reference to an unremarkable, sycophantic comment 10 tiers up escaped me originally because, unlike you, I am not a sow. So the image wasn't handy to my mind. Nor do I try to make a silk purse out of anything other than silk. I doubt my ears are made of that material, and I have never considered them to be.

Thanks for the refresher on metaphor and simile, though, and also for the refresher on Lame High School Sarcasm 101. I really, really needed it!! I'll carry it with me always.

Posted by: Amy on September 4, 2004 02:55 PM

I'm certain you will, biding your time for your first opportunity to employ it against someone with whom you disagree, almost aquiver with anticipation of being thought clever for thinking it up on your own.

Rob, I haven't seen a troll this tenacious since that library clerk invaded Misha's blog a few months ago. Keep this one around a while. It's interesting. The longer it goes on, the more "hysterical" it gets.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 03:04 PM

So now I'm a troll for not kissing Acidman's ass? For telling the truth about some things? For not patting him indulgently on the head like you do and saying "Bless him, he's a good man?" Good Lord, you really don't have any faith in yourself and your "good-woman-stand-by-your-man" schtick" do you, MamaM? Gotta call me a troll.

If I'm a troll, then all Acid's gotta do is tell me never to come back, and I never will. It's real simple. And it's his blog.

So, whaddya say, Acid? You wanna keep me around like Mama asks, or do you want me to go? Or do you even care?

Posted by: Amy on September 4, 2004 03:15 PM

Sheesh Amy, your life must be pretty boring if you surround yourself only with people who agree with you 100% on everything.

I can't speak for Mama, but there are plenty of things I don't agree with Rob on. But for me, it doesn't change the fact that, overall, he's a good man and someone I enjoy reading.

Insulting his usual readers surely isn't going to gain you any brownie points. But it's typical of people like you.

Do you need some smelling salts? You're looking a little green around the gills, if you take my meaning.

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 03:45 PM

Actually, if you were reading (here we are, back to comprehensive reading again) all of the comments in the threads, you would see that I am merely using a "generalization" previously used by another commenter, one with whom I agree.

Oh, no, Amy. Please don't go. This is entirely too much fun, rather the blog equivalent of ants and a magnifying glass. Rob will never tell you to leave. He's a gentleman who will tolerate just about anything anyone wants to say. He'll argue with you, call you names, invite you to gnaw on his "cracker ass" once in a while, but I can't remember the last time he asked even a virulent pustule to leave. They tend to tire of the abuse and leave on their own. Sometimes they grow up. Either way, perhaps, we all benefit.

And Stevie, as to being in the room next to the kitchen? It only counts when barefoot and pregnant. ;^D

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 03:49 PM

...with red toenail polish.

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 03:53 PM

Oh, most excellent, Chablis! I actually considered submitting to my first pedicure in honor of this event, and opting for the choice of Drag Queens and Prostitutes everywhere, "Cock-S*cker Red" for my nails.

Do you think if I called it that in the nail place they'd know what I was talking about?

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 03:58 PM

I would think so. The girls at my nail place knew what my boyfriend was talking about when he said he'd pay only if they used "Popped-A-Cherry' red lol

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 04:07 PM

And I should clarify that he meant that he'd pay only if they used "Popped-A-Cherry" red on MY nails.

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 04:08 PM

Actually, girls, it's called "whorehouse red," and it's on my toenails right now. Three fresh coats, I might add. And go ahead, make some lame whore jokes. Or ho jokes. Whatever. I'm expecting it. And I'm also barefoot.

Chablis, you got one thing right, and that's that my life IS very boring right now...hence me taking up so much time on this comment board. But I definitely don't surround myself with people who agree with me all the time...hence my willingness to come back and read your sometimes (but not always) vapid comments. And as far as insulting Acid's regular and MamaM. go ahead and do some of your vaunted "comprehensive reading" and point out to me where I insulted someone who didn't insult me first, either directly or by "generalization." I'll eat the crow if you can find it and cook it. Unlike "people like you," I can admit when I'm wrong or when my detractor's arguments have some strength. Acid's the one who first told me to
kiss the cheek of his Cracker ass when I voiced my opinion of his comments on "wimmen." So I feel justified in responding in any insulting way I see fit. If them's not fightin' words, I don't know what is.

If I do leave this thread (not the blog) it will be because you and MamaM. have proved yourselves to be so insipidly close-minded and "hysterical" over my comments about yAcid that you're not worth bothering with any more. Even though, up until the time you girls started to really take it personally, I WAS having a good time. I've never commented a whole lot on a blog before, and I was enjoying the interplay. But I digress. If Acid really was your friend you'd see that I'm at least partially right and he's probably going to waste cuz he can't get over being bitter about the past. Or maybe your ire stems from the fact that I am right and you know it but you've gotten so much positive attention/feedback from men by defending them from "fragrant mouth breathers" like me that you can't stop yourselves from doing it anymore than a dog can stop herself from begging for treats.

And BTW, in case you're wondering, I'm not one of the ones who emailed Acid and called him those nasty names that begat his blog post that started this thread. I don't think that about him and at all, and anyway I've never emailed him in my life, nor do I intend to. I can say what I want in the public forum, where everyone can see it. And if I give up it's not because y'all have run me's because I just get tired of floggin' a dead, uncomprehending horse.

But keep it up. I'll keep checking back, fork in hand, to see if I need to eat me some crow. Remember, the key is "comprehensive reading"!

Posted by: Amy on September 4, 2004 05:02 PM

To begin with, I'm not a "girl" unless you're a man with whom I am flirting, or my husband. Second, Don't presume to correct me with your little "Whorehouse Red" nails bit.

If you're tired of flogging your dead horse, call the knacker.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 05:05 PM

Oh, geez, c'mon, Mama, you can do better than that...

Posted by: Amy on September 4, 2004 05:07 PM

Oh for fuck sakes Amy, give it a rest would ya?

We never accused you or alluded to the thought that you were the one who emailed Rob. The thought never crossed my mind as a matter of fact.

You already made an ass of yourself for jumping all over Rob's OBVIOUS bait...just take it like a fuckin woman and get over it. I do take some enjoyment out of watching women like you make an ass out of herself here, however, the enjoyment is short-lived. Your incessant whining and attempts at conversation are annoying. Take your paper bag, smelling salts and other hissy-fit throwing material, sit your sorry ass down in the corner and shut up already. If you don't like Rob or the things he writes, I don't recall anyone tying you down and making you read. The door swings both ways honey...don't let it hit you in the ass on your way out.

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 05:43 PM

I haven't seen such an amazing self-immolation in a comment thread in months, have you Chablis? Flames everywhere.

Oh, and thanks for the comment on that Russian Aftermath post. I appreciate that. Even we pipsqueak bloggers like to be noticed. I may never be a Tall Bitch/Dog, but I can take pride in not being a Blog-Chihuahua.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 05:59 PM

"Damn boy! Shut the hell up or you ain't never gonna get laid again. Christ on a crutch!"

Bubba, that's part of the charm that makes all of us wimmen to fall all over ourselves, clawing and fighting amongst ourselves for the opportunity to tumble sweaty and satisfied in his sheets.

*sly smirk*

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 06:03 PM

Oops. PIMF. "wimmen fall all over..."

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 06:04 PM

I was just thinking to myself that the menfolk are awfully quiet. One of two things is happening: they're either all sitting there with shellshocked expressions on their faces...or emailing each other like mad with messages like "See?!?! I told you thems women are hysterical! I ain't never seen such a catfight before in my liiiiife!"

I generally enjoy all the blogs I find through Rob and yours was a pleasure:)

Posted by: Chablis on September 4, 2004 06:35 PM


Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 4, 2004 07:07 PM

I agree, it's been thoroughly entertaining. For us and for them. Hope they enjoyed the show.

Posted by: Amy on September 4, 2004 10:43 PM
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