Gut Rumbles

July 23, 2004

win some, lose some

I won 212,000 colones playing blackjack in a casino last night.

Alia and I went out to eat, then strolled down to the beach to watch the sunset. It was beautiful. She asked me if I liked to gamble, I said yes, and she took me down the street to a casino. She likes slot machines. I don't. I prefer cards.

I broke a US $100 bill at the cashier's cage and gave Alia 5,000 colones to piss away on the one-armed bandits. She converted that money to coins and went off with a bucket full in her hand to get raped by the machines. I took 30,000 colones and sat down at the blackjack table. By the time Alia went broke, I had more than doubled my money.

She whined for some more fodder for the machines, but I said "NO!" and told her to sit down and watch. I was on a roll and I don't like anyone fucking with my luck when the cards are coming my way. They were at the time, and I was taking advantage of it.

A big, burly guy named Dave, from Indiana, was sitting to my right, betting 1,000 colones per hand and losing steadily. I usually bet 4,000 per hand, but I was so far ahead at the time that I was up to 12,000 a pop. "Dave, don't leave this table," I told him. "If you go broke, I'll GIVE you 1,000 colones per hand just to stay where you are."

"Hell, man," he replied. "I'll PAY 1,000 colones per hand just to watch what you're doing."

I kept winning. The chips were piling up like smokestacks in front of me. People stopped playing at other tables and came over to watch. The house switched dealers three times. The pit boss started lurking around to see if I was cheating. Still, I continued to win. I hit a "rummy," (three, four, five of spades) which pays three-for-one, and I had 12,000 bet at the time. I took 24,000 off the table, left 24,000 out there and drew a pair of sevens off the deal on the next hand. Three sevens pays four-to-one. I took a hit and drew another seven. KA-CHING!!!!!

I was really on a roll. Dave put a hand on my shoulder and said, "I see God sitting on your shoulder." I don't believe in God, but Lady Luck sure was with me. I never count my money at the table, but I knew that I was really in the black at the time.

Then, something happened that I've never seen before in all my years of card playing. I was back to my standard 4,000 bet and I was dealt a pair of aces. The dealer had a seven. I split the aces and doubled. I drew another ace. I split that one, too, and put 4,000 more on the table. I drew another ace. I split THAT one and put 4,000 more on the table. And I'll be damned if I didn't get a FIFTH ACE on the next card. I split it and put 4,000 more on the table.

What are the odds of drawing FIVE STRAIGHT ACES in a game of blackjack played with five decks of cards that have been run through an automatic shuffler? I don't know, but the odds have to be really remote. I hit each of the aces and drew king, ten, nine, eight, nine. That's 21, 21, 20, 19 and 20. I thought, "Sweet Bejus! I just may break the bank tonight."

The dealer hit his seven and drew and four. The next card was a king. He had 21. So, for my FIVE FUCKING ACES, I ended up with push, push, lose, lose, lose. I couldn't believe it. I looked at Dave and said, "I just heard God speak to me. He told me to QUIT, right now." I cashed my chips.

I had a total of 242,000 colones. That's not really a lot of money (about $500), but it sure looked impressive when the cashier paid me off. I had a wad of bills thick enough to choke a horse. For the first time since I've been in Costa Rica, I felt nervous walking home. Alia was pissed at me because I wouldn't let her go dump any of it in the slot machines.

Alia has to work today, so I'm off on the town to spend some of my money.


Odds of five straight aces: 1.6276 e-6

That is, 1.6276 in a million.

Lemme check...

1860480 / 1143051786240

Yup. 1.6 in a million.

Posted by: dipnut on July 23, 2004 02:20 PM

Well Acidman, it sounds like you're doing alright without me. Would like to see a current pic without the beard and all!~Chelle

Posted by: Chelle on July 23, 2004 02:23 PM

Sounds like fun, but also sounds like Alia may be getting ready to have her scholarship revoked. I'd hire two replacements.

Posted by: robert on July 23, 2004 03:07 PM

Years ago I was in Jail in Downtown Seattle, playing poker for cigarets. I had a big pile of smokes in front of me, and the card goddess was kissing my ear sweetly.
Downstairs my crew was putting up my bail so that, as my adreniline and endorphins were peaking, the guards were banging on the "playroom" door and calling my name; I was Out!
It's a funny feeling to hate leaving jail like that, but a card roll can really light you up.
Your night of cards had My pulse going A-dude! Kick It!

Posted by: wes jackson on July 23, 2004 03:10 PM

Dipnut: you need a trip to Costa Rica.


Like Real Bad.

Posted by: RickR on July 23, 2004 04:05 PM

12,00colones at a pop. Five aces in a row. Some brown skinned chick with a razor shaving your johnson in a shower....
Nope, there's no God.

Posted by: robert on July 23, 2004 06:06 PM

You're very kind, RickR. Now consider the 29-point cribbage hand. I've played cribbage all my life, and never saw or heard tell of anybody getting three fives plus a jack in the remaining suit in hand, and the remaining five as the starter.

So one day I worked it out. The odds are a hell of a lot longer than Acidman's five aces. 9024 hands out of a possible 14658134400 gets you about 0.6 in a million. And then you have a 1 in 46 chance of getting the starter.

Here's my true story: I was playing screw-your-buddy (3-way cutthroat billiards). There were nine balls on the table; four were mine; all the balls were in the bottom third of the table, and I was playing off a scratch. I sank all five enemy balls with two shots (two and three respectively), in about 30 seconds, to win.

Of course, that was billiards, so luck had nothing to do with it.

Posted by: dipnut on July 23, 2004 06:22 PM

I'm crying bullshit.

Posted by: Velociman on July 24, 2004 12:44 AM

it's nice to know that from time to time God speaks in a clear voice, belief not withstanding. perhaps its time for me to return to Reno. enjoy your winnings.

Posted by: rammer on July 24, 2004 09:46 AM

Odds of five straight aces:

The game is totally rigged. Don't go back.

Lucky Sumbitch!

Posted by: Brent on July 25, 2004 12:29 AM
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