Gut Rumbles

June 02, 2004

truer words were never spoken

I got a kick out of this.

If you live in a place where you don't have fire ants, consider yourself lucky. Those pestiferous bastards breed faster than houseflies and a bite raises a white-headed blister that itches for at least a week. They are aggressive, implacable and absolutely vicious. I hate those sumbitches.

I've tried every insecticide on the market (and yes, I even did the dry grits trick) and all I've ever managed to do is run the ants off into my neighbor's yard, where he does the same thing and runs them back to me. We play "Dueling Anthills" all summer long. Between us, we've probably killed more than 1,000,000,000 ants, but I swear that we have more ants now than when we started.

You can't beat those bastards. All you can do is hold them off.


Correct. I delt with 'em when I lived in GA. You can't beat 'em, and holding 'em off is sometimes a challenge...ain't no halftime in that game.

Posted by: Sam on June 2, 2004 01:38 PM

so that whole bullshit about "killing the queen" doesn't really work, eh? I see those commercials for various insecticides all of the time.

Posted by: girl on June 2, 2004 04:06 PM

Betcha if you bought an ardvark, the ants would all go away and you would go broke buying Ardvark chow.

Posted by: Walter E. Wallis on June 2, 2004 04:32 PM

With fire ants, fight fire with fire.

Ever try gaoline or kerosine on the nest? Just poot it on the ground and let it set for a few days. Light it, let it burn for a minute or two, then dose it. Keep enough of the flammable in the soil and they'll leave for good.

Deny the nest a place to stay and you kill the nest. Works in the Southwest all the time.

Posted by: Jeffrey Williams on June 2, 2004 06:25 PM

Dear Rob,

I lived in Houston TX years ago. Combat fire ant bait worked well. Failing that, there was gasoline........

Posted by: Jim Scisson on June 2, 2004 07:05 PM

I used some stuff about ten years ago that worked great, but they pulled it off the market. It was probably contaminating something. Like I give a sh*t when it comes to fire ants.

What works best for me now is a mix of unleaded gasoline and diesel. Pour a couple of cups on the mound, wait 30 seconds, then drop a match on it. That'll calm them right down. Oh, and the grandkids love it.

Posted by: Dennis on June 2, 2004 07:24 PM

We've finally gotten permission to use bio-controls in FL. I remember reading about some kid who was allowed to release some of the little wasps as her high-school Science Fair project. She said she just loves the way the fire ants' heads fall off when the larva hatches and starts eating.

I know what y'all mean about the effects. Went to visit my Mom's grave and they came boiling up out of the vase socket and bit the poo out of me.

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