December 19, 2009
Originally published August 25, 2005
I had to go to the store today to replenish my pineapple-pineapple juice supply. I'm not kidding, folks--- since I started consuming fresh pineapple for breakfast every day and drinking pineapple juice, my ulcer doesn't hurt I and am regular as a clock. I should write a book called "Acidman's Pineapple Diet For People Who Shit Their Pants."
Hell--- it could be a best-seller, just noticing some blogs I've read.
But I didn't go to my regular grocery store. I went to a Mom & Pop place not far from my house that had what I wanted. I like those places because they have old shit on their shelves that even THEY can't recognize. I saw one of those things today.
I picked it up from its lonely place on the shelf. It had no companions and appeared to be very old, judging from the dust on the plastic wrapper. I examined it and couldn't figure out what it was. It was a round rubber disk with some metal prongs coming out of it on the side. That thing either fit a strange commode for plumbing repairs or should be used as a Ninja throwing weapon. That was the best guess I could make.
I asked the lady behind the counter. "Ma'am, do you know what this is?"
"No, honey, I don't. That thing's been here from day #1 and I don't think ANYBODY knows what it is. You wanna buy it?"
I started to. It was $8.00 and I probably could have $8.00 worth of fun just leaving it on the coffee table and asking my friends what THEY thought it was. But I didn't. I put it back on the shelf and bought my pineapples.
But I'll tell you what's strange. I'm STILL thinking about that thing.
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