October 21, 2009
I ain't looking forward to it
Originally published August 19, 2004
I'm really depressed today. I've postponed the inevitable about as long as I could, but the hammer's coming down next Monday. It'll be put-up or shut-up time for me, and I know what I'm going to do. I've had a long time to think about it. My mind is made up.
I don't think of myself as a criminal or as a bad person. If you met me, you'd probably like me. I ain't gonna break into you house, steal your stuff or molest your daughter. I make a good neighbor.
But I'm caught in a vise here and there's no way out. I keep asking myself WHY???, but that doesn't matter. A woman capable of doing what Jennifer already did to me is perfectly capable of watching me go to jail and cackling about it. That bitch.
Oh, well. I'll do what I have to do. I don't believe that it's going to be pleasant and I think I'll pay a heavy price before all is said and done. But I'll DO IT, just the same.
I just ain't looking forward to it.
(In some ways, this really doesn't look much different to me than being a 145 pound linebacker seeing a 230 pound running back bearing down on me in the open field on a third-and-two play. I knew that I had to tackle him and I knew that it was going to hurt. I did it and paid the price.
The only real difference is that this play is going to last longer than seven seconds and I won't get to go back to the huddle blinking the sparks and stars out of my eyes while team-mates clap me on the back for a good tackle. This one is going to last longer and hurt more.
Hell... it already has.)
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