Gut Rumbles

October 14, 2008

some wimmen are cool

Originally PUBLISHED March 22,2005

A lot of lesbians worked for the Savannah Morning News when I was playing guitar on River Street. They got off at 11:00 at night and came down to the bar to drink heavily and listen to me play before they went home. I used to flirt with them and tell them that I could change their persuasion if they would only give me a chance. A couple of those wimmen were damned good looking.

Never happened. They were set in their ways, but they liked my music and they liked the way I flirted with them. We became friends.

One night, a bunch of them stayed until closing time and at about 2:30 in the morning, I told them that I would walk them back to the parking lot, just to be chivalrous and all. I don't know what good I would have done them with a guitar case in either hand, but I had a derringer in my pocket, and I enjoyed their company. So, five of them and one of me took a hike to the parking lot.

We didn't make it before a FLASHER jumped out of an alley and bared himself. I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!!! The guy popped out of nowhere and spread his trench coat like a set of bat wings, and he was wearing nothing but the coat and a pair of running shoes.

One of the girls said, "Oh, my God. That looks just like a dick, only a lot smaller." The guy turned and ran away.

I had to sit down on the street and laugh for a minute. That was the perfect cut at the perfect time. I WISHED that I had come up with that one, right out of the dark sky the way she did. All the girls were laughing and giving high-fives to each other, too. I finally recovered enough breath to say, "Why don't y'all walk me to MY car? I believe that you can take care of yourselves." They did exactly that.

Don't try to intimidate a bunch of lesbians. That plan won't work. They'll make fun of your dick.

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