Gut Rumbles

July 02, 2008

If by chance

Originally published September 21, 2003

Here's an INTERESTING NEW BLOG that inspired me to try some "if by chance" ruminations of my own.

If by chance, you take a wrong turn on the road of life, at least have the courtesy to use your turn signal first.

If by chance, you see the opportunity to do someone a favor, seize it. The person will OWE YOU after that.

If by chance, you wake up in bed with a stranger, and both of you are naked, all the sheets are on the floor, and the musky aroma of raw sex hangs heavy in the air, try to remember EXACTLY what you did the night before to achieve these results so that you may repeat it.

If by chance, life hands you a lemon, figure out who is responsible for it and try to get even.

If by chance, you see a young child behaving like a raving savage in the Super Wal-Mart, do not scold the child. Cuss his parents.

If by chance, you have things of unremembered origin turning strange colors and MOVING BY THEMSELVES in your refrigerator, it's probably time to dig a deep hole, bury THAT refrigerator, and go buy a new one.

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