Gut Rumbles

June 07, 2008


Originally published May 2, 2003

Go read the comments on my "ACCENTS" post a few places down. WHAT you say tells a lot about you, but how you SOUND when you say it speaks volumes about you.

I just want to make a few comments of my own:

1) I once worked for a Chinese guy who was raised in New Zealand. He looked like a waiter at the Hop-Sing Restaurant, but sounded like Crocodile Dundee. I suffered extreme cognative dissonance whenever I was around him.

2) ALL really strong Yankee accents grate on my Southern nerves. Brooklynese is probably the worst (the sound of "youse goys" make me want to KILL) but Bahstanian and Maineiacal accents are a close second.

3) A FAKE Southern accent will get you killed where I live. I've never heard ANYBODY except Holly Hunter come close to the real thing, and I believe that Holly MUST be Southern to begin with. (Let me Google) BWHAHAHAHAHAA!! I KNEW IT!!! Born in Conyers, Georgia, 1958. That's about halfway between Athens and Atlanta. She just speaks NORMAL when she wants to sound Southern.

4) I don't like Black people who fake a Jamaican accent, either. WTF is THAT?

5) Florida is the only state below the Mason-Dixon line that is NOT Southern. It is filled with transplanted Yankees, Cuban refugees, Haitian immigrants, and retired proctologists from Kansas. I HATE Florida. Usually, when I meet someone with an accent I cannot place, I say, "Get your rotten ass back to Florida, where you came from! And DON'T COME BACK, hear?

Y'all chew on that for a while.

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