Gut Rumbles

May 16, 2008

what am I afraid of ?

Originally PUBLISHED July 2, 2004

That's a good question and I'll try to give a good answer.

1) I am afraid of snakes. I don't know why, but just something about a head on the end of a tube that crawls around, disengaging it's jaw when neccessary to eat prey disgusts me. I have a really visceral reaction to snakes, and it is ALL Fight or Flight. I usually kill them, bury them and go back to check that the headless bastard didn't crawl out of his grave while my back was turned. I fucking HATE snakes.

2) I am afraid of heights. I wasn't like that when I was young. I could climb the highest tree in the woods and LAUGH while I was up there waving in the wind on small branches. But as I got older, I developed vertigo, which really plagued me at work. I HAD to climb to a lot of high places, and I got so dizzy that I could barely stand up. I don't know if I really call that fear, but it damn sure discombobulated me. My handprints are still on handrails at that plant.

3) I am afraid of my government. My ongoing, never-ending divorce has given me a taste of what THE STATE can do to you, and I find it frightening. Just suppose that you were accused of a crime that you didn't commit. Do you realize what you're up against? You may be innocent, but you'll lose everything you've got trying to prove it. THE STATE will grind you, break you and spit you out like sugar cane in a grist mill. That's scary.

4) I am afraid of wimmen. They're ALL crazy. And MEAN.

5) I am afraid of the booger-man. I don't know who he is or what he looks like, but I know that he's out there. He might be disguised as a mango right now and waiting for me in Costa Rica. He might be a good-looking woman with red toenails. He could be anything and he could be anywhere. But I KNOW that he's out to get me.

6) I am afraid of sounding paranoid.

Have YOU seen the booger-man lately?

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