April 07, 2008
Early bedtime tonight
Originally published August 4, 2003
I noticed one thing about my damn near indestructable body after eating lots of fried seafood for a week and dining on egg-drop soup and fried won-ton with Chinese noodles yesterday. Feed me enough of that crap and I can damn near shit clean over the roof of my house when I've got to go. I've been afraid to fart all day for fear of soiling myself.
I blame the unsteady belly on that goddam egg-drop soup. Ain't nobody but an inscrutible Chinese communist could invent that crap. I don't know why I eat it. But when I see it on a Chinese menu, the Commie rats do a mind-meld on me and make me order the BIG BOWL instead of the cup. Then they send it over to my table in the hands of a very lovely Oriental woman who asks me if I want noodles to go with that.
YES! I cry, as I realize that I am helpless in their thrall. I'm going to eat every bit of it and hate myself for about three days. I am heading into day #2 now.
Just a note: I have never made love to an Oriental woman. The one who served me my meal yesterday looked good enough to eat, and my belly probably would feel a lot better today if I had dined on her last night. The guys I know who served in Vietnam laugh at me because I never sampled the "sideways stuff." But I don't want what they got, none of that "You #1 GI for two-dollah" in the back of a jeep.
The Asian wimmen who attract me all have pretty faces, small titties and lovely feet. They are very polite, but unfortunately not for sale. I believe that they are beautiful. I may ask one to go out with me sometime and see what happens.
But you can bet your sweet ass I won't eat egg-drop soup first.
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