Gut Rumbles

March 20, 2008

Good times

Originally published April 24, 2003

I remember the first time I climbed to the top of Hangover Mountain and took a pretty good 360-degree series of pictures from up there. I also took a picture of my hiking boot on the 5,608 foot benchmark on a big granite rock at the top of the mountain. I went back three times after that, but never took any more pictures. That was one hell of a climb.

I once went tubing in the Applachee River outside of Athens, Georgia, hit something shortly after I entered the rapids and deflated my tube. I rode my ass down that river for about seven miles. That was one hell of a ride.

I took some really good illegal drugs in the mountains one night and danced nekkid around a campfire while waving a 12" Bowie knife in one hand. My friends were worried about me but afraid to come take the knife. They thought I was crazy, and they were right. I was in close touch with Indian ghosts. That was one hell of an adventure.

I once spent a weekend with a female music student from Jacksonville University. We stayed in the Ebb Tide Motel at Jacksonville beach and we didn't wear clothes for three days. We ate pizza and Chinese food, delivered right to the door. I think that I was seen nekkid by people bringing us something to eat. I never saw the beach. That was one hell of a weekend.

In Key West, I met a woman with no pants on who asked me where she could take a leak. I was pissing off a dock at the time. I said, "Right here, I believe," as I finished what she had interrupted. She asked, "Can I get in the water to do it?" I said "Sure! You've got MY permission." I wasn't really certain where I was at the time. She took off her flannel shirt and handed it to me. "Would you hold this while I pee?" she asked, butt-assed nekkid.

"You go right ahead, darlin,'" I said, holding her shirt.

She did, then climbed out of the water, and thanked me as she walked away donning the shirt with no pants on. Key West is one hell of a place.

I once won an incredibly large bet by drinking a six-pack of beer in less than five minutes. I don't know if I could still do that today, but if you've got $100 I'm willing to try it again. That was one hell of a night.

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