Gut Rumbles

March 05, 2008

Why I am not a leftist

Originally published April 19, 2003

* I do not believe that the meek shall inherit the earth. I believe that the world is filled with rotten, nasty-assed people who will take advantage of me if they have the chance. I do not love my fellow man. I distrust him and I want him to fear the idea of fucking with me. That's why I buy lots of guns and act crazy.

* I believe that war is sometimes necessary. I also believe that the best way to avoid war is to make people certain that you WILL fight one if they ask for it, especially when they know that you intend to win. Bullies pick on weaklings. They leave badasses alone. Be a badass. That's all some dipwits understand.

* I believe that government creates more problems than it solves. Sic a government agency on a problem and the agency has a vested interest in making SURE that the problem never goes away. If they solve the problem, they're out of a job; therefore, the problem always gets worse, they need more money and the agency grows like an underarm wart. Name ONE problem that government ever set out to solve that didn't become worse as a result.

* I believe that I can think for myself. I have a lot of bad habits. I KNOW that they are bad habits. I indulge in them anyway, and if a Nanny Bloomberg tries to stop me through legislation, I'll just sneak behind his back and do it harder, faster and more often for pure spite. I had a mom and dad in charge of raising me when I was a child. They eventually let go. The governmant should, too. Who made government my mom and dad? That ain't the fucking government's job. I am an adult now. Get outta my face.

* I own every dollar I am paid at work. My money does NOT belong to the government. I never want to hear about how we "can't afford" a tax cut, as if the government deserved that money to begin with. Those pork-slurping gas-bag assholes spend worse than I did today at Wal-Mart. The difference is, I SPENT MY OWN MONEY!!! They are VERY generous when spending other people's money. When they stop voting themselves raises, I'll listen to those asswipes. Fuck them.

* If you grow up stupid, fuck up your life and end up with the well-deserved shit-end of the stick, IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to pay you a "dumbass tax" for your mistakes. You had the same chance I did. You fucked up, and I didn't. I don't owe you a goddam thing. Stop whining. I've got your reparations hanging.

* I have the nerve to tell old people to put their dentures in and grit their teeth. Why should I pay for your goddam prescription drugs? You wrinkled fucks already made a 1000% profit on Social Security. You've sucked enough from the public trough already, and you're taking what belongs to ME now. Either have the good grace to die, or shut up. You're stealing your children's money with every whine you make. "Greatest Generation" my ass. Retired whinebags who can't handle turn signals when they drive a car. Florida is full of them.

* I suppose that I will never be elected if I run for public office. I say what I think. A good politician doesn't do that.

* Leftists try to, but they don't think. Period.

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