Gut Rumbles

February 10, 2008

What I like in a woman

Originally published December 23, 2003

I don't like high-heeled shoes. Those things are Chinese torture-contraptions designed to ruin a woman's feet. Don't wear them. I don't give a shit about how good you think they make your legs look. I'm not saying that just because I'm not a tall man. I'm saying it because I've seen the results of wearing mis-fitting shoes for a long time.

I like pretty toes, and high-heeled shoes destroy toes.

Wear sandals. Go barefoot. Forget about that shit you've seen in porno movies and Fredrick's catalogues. You know what's sexy to ME? A natural woman. You don't have to dress up for me. In fact, I would rather that you dressed DOWN for me.

I want a woman who can show good manners in an expensive restaurant and still sit out a thunderstorm under a raincoat on the side of the road with me when we get caught riding bicycles after dinner. I want a woman who doesn't primp for thirty minutes in the bathroom mirror after I told her that she looked good when she woke up in the morning.

I want a woman who likes herself and doesn't feel the need to prove that point to anyone else. I'll pick that virture up right away, when I meet such a woman. They are easy to recognize.

They are few and far between.

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