Gut Rumbles

February 06, 2008

Bedtime story

Originally published June 24, 2003

I'm diving for the sheets after this. I have a busy day that probably will last until night tomorrow. But I have to admit one thing...

I saw that doctor today with a big chip on my shoulder. He cut the wrong things when he performed surgery on me, and I didn't give a shit about his reputation as being one of the best in the Southeast at what he does. He had a Power Outage Day on ME and he fucked it up. I've been without power for 20 months as a result. I was NOT impressed.

I suppose that I could chalk up every bit of what I've been through during that time as a "learning experience" if I were naive enough to believe that shit was GOOD thing. Trust me. It isn't.

Wimmen! How many men do YOU KNOW who get you hot and bothered and then say, "Wait a minute. Just let me give myself a shot in the dick and we can continue with this seduction. Wait here and stay horny while I go fetch the elixer, ready a needle, shoot myself and wait for it to take effect."

I did that. Lots of times. It was humiliating and sometimes produced results that I didn't like. Try a six-hour erection that feels like a muscle cramp in your leg. Try curling up in a fetal ball with tears in your eyes until that evil thing goes away while a nekkid, horny woman asks, "What did I do wrong?" and you can't even talk because of the pain. I've been there and done that. It sucked.

I will never do that again.

I threw away all of my fix-a-flat crap three month ago. I said "never again" and I meant it.

When wimmen come over to the Crackerbox now, they know that they can spend the night and just snuggle with me. They like that, and so do I.

But I hope to have a surprise in store for them soon.

Yeah. I'm gonna get my dick back.

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