Gut Rumbles

July 05, 2007

Dumbass driver

Originally published July 6, 2005

When I went to visit my grandmother last Sunday, I almost got killed on the way home. I was driving down Highway 21 in Port Wentworth when a car in the left lane suddenly just cut into my lane (the RIGHT lane) and damn nearly took my front quarter-panel off, right there on the road.

I stood mama's Impala on its nose, swerved out of the way and barely avioded skidding into a deep ditch. The bastard who made that idiot move just kept going merrily down the road without a clue about what he'd just done.

He was driving a Ford Escort with duct tape wrapped all around both tail lights. The car appreared to have been hammered by a sixteen-pound sledge a few times in the past. In other words, it was a rolling piece of shit.

I caught up with the idiot in less than a mile. He stopped at a traffic light and I pulled up beside him. I rolled down my passenger window, honked my horn and YELLED at the prick. I received no response, even though his window was rolled down.

That little acne-faced jerk was WEARING HEADPHONES and rocking out to whatever he was listening to, with his baseball cap turned backward and a blissful look of PURE STUPIDITY on his face. Yeah, it was a white boy, too.

He doesn't know how close he came to having one of his front tires shot out from under him. I ALWAYS carry a pistol when I travel. He he made one damned tempting target.

I finally got the asshole's attention. He took the headphones off his ears and uttered something brilliant. "HUH?" he said.


"Huh?" he responded.


"Huh?" he said again.

That's someone who needs to be removed from the gene pool before he reproduces. I'll GUARANTEE you that he put the headphones right back on as soon as I pulled away when the light turned green. I should have shot not only his front tire but HIM, just as a service to humanity.

Anybody who wears HEADPHONES while driving is worse than the dumbasses yakking on cell-phones or crazy wimmen using their rear-view mirror to apply make-up while driving 65 MPH down the road. And MADD wants to fry drunk drivers?

I'd rather have a semi-drunk person on the road with me than a prick wearing HEADPHONES. Think he can hear the siren of an emergency vehicle? Think he knows when he almost killed somebody with a stupid lane-change? Think he THINKS at all?

That bastard needs to be dragged off and shot.

Yeah. I sometimes suffer from road rage. That little turd doesn't know how lucky he is.

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