Gut Rumbles

October 23, 2006

One thing leads to another

Originally published January 30, 2002

Remember Sidney Harris, the late newspaper columnist who wrote the "Things I Learned While Looking Up Something Else" pieces? I believed he was a really ignorant individual if he spent the majority of his life looking up stuff and always getting lost along the way, never finding what he set out for in the beginning. He reminded me of Wiggles, the best dog I ever knew. Wiggles didn't speak English, but he understood about 100 different words in that language. He had a box of toys in my bedroom and I once amazed visitors and seduced women by demonstrating my dog's intelligence.

If I said, "Go get your ball," Wiggles would run to the bedroom and return with a ball in his mouth. The green one was his favorite, so I always shot down the fallacy about dogs being color-blind by saying, "No, not that one. Go get your RED BALL." Wiggles would run back to his toy box, drop the green ball inside and return with the red one in his mouth. When Wiggles had retrieved his rope, his doll, his chew-bone and his bandanna, I usually fed him a Krystal hamburger, which was another talent show, because the dog could cram the entire hamburger in his mouth, gnash vigorously for a few seconds, swallow the hamburger and spit out the pickle slice every time. Women loved that.

Wiggles always put on a good show for spectators. Occasionally, however, when we were alone in the house, I would command, "Wiggles, go get your ball," and he would tear into the bedroom, rummage through his toy box, snort a few times and come up with his chew-bone. Then, he would flop on the floor and gnaw contentedly.

It was simply a case of "Things I Found While Looking For Something Else."


Ha, Ha, Ha: can anyone top that?

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on October 25, 2006 11:24 PM
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