Gut Rumbles

June 02, 2006

mailing lists

I gotta question: How did I EVER end up on a mailing list run by PETA, Friends of Hillary, John Kerry for President and I could understand the NRA or the RNC emailing me to ask for monetary contributions or voting support, but PETA? HILLARY? JOHN FUCKING KERRY? (Who served himself all of his life in Vietnam) MOVEON.ORG?

Bejus!!! They've obviously got the wrong guy here. I get DOZENS of emails every farooking day from those people. I know good and well that they didn't get MY name and address from a check I sent them, so why do they keep bugging me?

I have a sneaking suspicion... y'see... I have some friends who are very clever practical jokers. THEY probably put my name on those mailing lists and cackled like hyenas when they did. "BWHAHAHA!!! THIS oughta get a rise outta Rob! BWHAHAAAA!"

Guys, if you did that, it worked. You got a rise outta me. And if I ever find out FOR CERTAIN that you assholes did it, I'll beat every one of you to death, one by one, with a cheap, out-of-tune guitar. At night. In the dark. When you're by yourself.

I can't really be too angry, though. As a very clever joke back when I was still in college, I put a friend's name on a pornographic fuck-mill's mailing list after he got a job teaching in an elementary school.

I'm just glad now that I put his home address in the reply box instead of the address for the school where he worked. Heh. It was funny having that nasty stuff mailed to his home, because his wife kept asking him how he got put on THAT mailing list, but I could've gotten him fired and had him put on a police roster for sexual predators if I sent that crap to his school.

I finally 'fessed up to him AND his wife about why all those plain brown-wrapper porno fliers kept coming to his mailbox with his name on them. They forgave me, but they didn't see the same humor in the situation that I did.

I don't see it as funny anymore, either. I coulda cost my friend a lot by doing what I did in a moment of selfish, mindless frivolity. I NEVER would do such a thing again--- although that one WAS funny, once it all worked out okay. (The guy's name was Andy, and he was named "America's Teacher of the Year," complete with an appearance on the Today show and a visit to the White House to have President Bill Clinton give him the award and shake his hand a few years ago.)

I could have, unintentionally, fucked up his whole life with what I did back then. Of course, it would be totally understandable if he were an alcoholic who ever drank again after quiting for seven months. Then, if I aired his dirty laundry in public, using the biggest forum I could find, it would be for his own good, because somebody HAD to do it.

Who better than a "friend" to cut off his balls and try to destroy him? That's what friends are for... right?


I don't think it was a practical joke. I think all these organizations get lists of blogs or something. I'm always being bombarded with mail from these people and I have never given a cent to any one of them. I get put on a lot of mailing lists for discussion groups that I never signed up for too. I suspect they crawl for email addresses the same way search engines do.

Irritating but it's the price you pay for being visible online.

Posted by: Libby on June 2, 2006 03:41 PM

But you're not bitter, right, Rob?

Posted by: Rick C on June 2, 2006 03:59 PM

We got together, chipped in some money. Ordered "Out" magazine, and had it sent to a Chief Petty Officer's address on a Navy ship. Mail was passed out in a public manner, and the result was worth a bunch of hoots, when he was passed a gay non-porn magazine!
Harmless fun. Every month.

Posted by: dc on June 2, 2006 04:32 PM

LOL at dc...that's hilarious...did he ever find out who did it???

Posted by: Lisa on June 2, 2006 04:47 PM

No, Rick.
Not bitter.
Justifiably pissed off.

There's a difference there.

Posted by: Stevie on June 2, 2006 05:15 PM

Hmmmm...I'm sensing a 'meme', here. You memer.

And Stevie? Jeebus, get your fur down, already. What, are you a Scorpio? Loved your use of the word 'nitwit', btw, a word far to underutilized, these days.

Posted by: Bane on June 2, 2006 05:49 PM

Stevie, have you banned me? Regardless, I couldn't post this in your comments, so I may as well post it here:

Okay, you asked, and I'll confront it here directly, having just commented over on Rob's blog, and following your link here, and...

No, I won't. Only dogs (and a few other animals) sink their teeth in and hold on mindlessly, by instinct.

Well, that, and rednecks who just like to fight.

I'll shoot a dog, and club a redneck stupid, but I'll not engage a pretty lady that I genuinely like, while she struts around the barnyard like a freshly hosed hen, angry because her cock got dissed by another hen.

Stick your hand into the center of a catfight, and don't cry when you need stitches, is what I say.

Was Rob wronged? If you think you were, you were. I used to HATE it when my ex used the truth to beat on me with. Just despised it. Later, I used that hard lesson to attempt to change, to improve myself.

Both Livey and Rob make strong cases for themselves, whether you like hearing that, or not. I like em both, and I'm gonna be Swiss, here, and stay neutral.

Costs me nothing, really, and it's very easy to do.

Posted by: Bane on June 2, 2006 06:03 PM

Too bad the Springer show is off the air.

This has all the makings of a great episode: Rednecks, booze, bitches and jealousy.

Posted by: rightisright on June 2, 2006 06:19 PM

No, Sweetie, I haven't banned you.
Over at Munu, there are a metric TON of blogs, all of the authors of which have access to Blacklist.

Unfortunately, no more than MAYBE three of these people understand how to actually use the Blacklist, hence we get shit banned like the word "yahoo" or a friggin' period, fer God's sake and then there's the added attraction of Blacklist that it doesn't go by the specific word banned, but any string/part of the letters thereof.

Between that and the numbnuts(es?) who ought not even be allowed to SEE the Blacklist, let alone add to it, ya get this kinda crap to have to "fix".

They even managed to ban ME from my comments once.

Gonna hafta call Paul, I guess...

And, honest to God, I was being ironic/maybe a little facetious at the end of that one post, when I said, "Aw c'mon now..."
Not enraged.
Not at all.

Actually, I'm quite calm about this, considering...

At the risk of sounding like a meglomaniac or a Jesus Freak (both of which you already know I'm not), there is a certain calming power in knowing it the depths of your very heart that you are correct about something.

When you are correct about that something, there is no need for anger, no need to bluff like that.

And, I don't care who disagrees with me, even Rob if he were to do a 180 and say it's all good...

I know, to the core of being, that what Livey did, or more succinctly, the way she did it, is one of the most horrendous displays of not just letting someone down, but slamming them down that I've ever witnessed.

I don't know, really, which stuns me more, what she did, or that she keeps refusing to see what's so terribly, terribly wrong about it.

And, just so's ya know, the "You incredible nitwit" line was "borrowed" from the original Col. Blake in the original M*A*S*H movie.
He says that to HotLips at the football game, I think.
Anyway, it made me grin aboutcha....

Posted by: Stevie on June 2, 2006 06:51 PM

Oh, and hey Bane...

Can you straight email me the "refusal notice" or whatever ya wanna call it that you get when you try to comment?

That way I can tell Paul what to look for to remove from the stupid Blacklist.
(I already have one other one for him...)

Posted by: Stevie on June 2, 2006 06:55 PM

Shit, I can't even get on your blog, now. Something's up, probably storms. The message I got was some sort of weird porn-blocking thing, and a string of code. I'll try again later.

Hey, thanks, Rob, for letting us use your comments for instant messaging! I know how much you LOVE that.

Posted by: Bane on June 2, 2006 07:02 PM

IN middle school my best freind and I called one of those "coming out" hotlines and left his step-dads name and address, and asked for some materials in the mail. Then to top it off we had other friends call and leave slightly sexually charged messages on the machine.

Funny thing is his mom left his step-dad over that stuff. Still makes me laugh. (Step-dad was an abusive jerk anyways) And step-dad STILL has no idea.

Posted by: Steph on June 2, 2006 07:03 PM

*hangs head and looks up thru eyelashes*

Yeah, Bane, I had that last thought of yours, too...

Sorry too, Rob.

(Munu is tits up.
I can't get there myself, now..).

Posted by: Stevie on June 2, 2006 07:29 PM

Send them hourly emails begging for money to help get your word out !

Posted by: Robert on June 3, 2006 01:37 AM

You've probably got the same type of 'stalkers' that I have - they purposefully (sp?) get your e-mail addy and deliberately sign you up for that crap.

I keep getting news articles about the massacres in Iraq.....

Posted by: Mad Mikey on June 3, 2006 11:50 PM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.