Gut Rumbles

May 31, 2006

i'm sick of everybody

I have not been well for almost two weeks now. I'm talking about SERIOUS, FEEL-LIKE-I'M-GONNA-DIE sickness, and what I've managed to do during that time, other than cling grimly to survival, is make a few "friends" HATE ME because I didn't properly appreciate how much they "cared." At the risk of pissing those folks off even more, I have one thing to say:

With "friends" like YOU, I don't need enemies.

I KNOW that I have at least three wimmen pouting right now because I wasn't properly appreciative when they called me at fucking MIDNIGHT to ask me how I was doing when I quit blogging for a couple of days. Two of them are DOUBLY-PISSED because I didn't even bother to answer my phone when they called. In THEIR minds, I should have jumped right through my Cracker asshole and TALKED to them, no matter how inconvenient or painful it was for me to do at the time.

Somehow... I OWED them something.

What? WHAT do I OWE you? I am NOT unaccustomed to having a woman demand a check from me every month, and I've been paying THAT toll to the troll for five fucking years, despite the fact that I haven't seen or talked to my son since January. Talk to ME again about got-dam debt.

I became badly ill. I did not have a single ONE of the people who "cared" so much show up at my door and offer to nurse me back to health. Oh, no. I got fucking PHONE CALLS and I PISSED OFF some "caring" people when I said that I wasn't in the mood to talk, IF I answered the phone at all. They became very angry.

WTF was THEIR problem? THEY weren't puking their guts out and running a high fever. THEY weren't sweating, shivering and hallucinating at the same time. I WAS. But...

I should have leaped from my bed of affliction and shouted, "I'M CURED!!!" because somebody woke me from blessed sleep with a phone call. I should have said, "Thank Bejus you called!!! I feel MUCH better now!" ???? Gimme a break.

I've gotten along quite well by my own got-dam self for a while now, and I am convined that I can do it a little while longer the same way. If I need YOUR help, I'll ASK for it, and it will be a cold day in hell when THAT happens.

Some of you people MEAN well, but you're fucked in the head if you try to apply your version of "love" to someone like ME. I don't need it and I don't want it, especially when it's something that looks and smells a lot like fish food. I ain't a got-dam guppy in a fresh-water tank. I don't become hysterical over seeing crumbs in the water.

Plus, I have to wonder how much you really "care," when you become as angry as a wet wasp when I don't reciprocate with undying love for YOU over your "caring." What FOR??? Making a phone call ain't exactly like BEING THERE when I needed SOMEBODY.

When I had a hole in my gut and I KNEW that something was BAD wrong, I had to call 911 MYSELF and summon an ambulance to get my ass to the hospital and be rushed to emergency surgery. Who "cared" about that? Nobody but ME.

Just what the hell do you wimmen WANT, anyway?

I've got a sneaky feeling that it ain't ME, so let's fuggedaboudid. I could use a nurse, or a maid, but I don't WANT, CRAVE or NEED another wife. I would rather have a filthy kitchen than put up with another hormonally-crazed bitch in my life. I've TRIED that route. It was a bumpy road.

What I want most now is simple--- LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I'm okay taking care of myself without hauling any excess baggage around with me. And I ain't all that interested in sex anymore, which is bound to confuse some wimmen, because they still believe that THEIR pussy is the most precious commodity in the world. I should be willing to sell my SOUL for a piece of it.

Fuck that idea. I've SOLD MY SOUL already, in TWO marriages. I'm STILL paying CASH to a pure-ass CUNT for one of those failed attempts at normalcy, too. Pussy has been the cause of the greatest downfalls in my life, and I was taught to learn from my mistakes. I'm trying to now.

So... all you empaths, phone-sexers and pussy-peddlers can just kiss MY Cracker ass. I don't WANT what you're pushing, and I don't NEED it in my life at this moment. Hell, my sex drive is so low now that I don't even masturbate anymore. Besides, I've already had enough pussy to last most men five lifetimes. I don't REQUIRE any more.

And I damn sure don't require the head-problems that go hand-in-crotch with pussy. And I ain't talking about MY head problems, either, although I'll admit that I have plenty of 'em. It's just a simple fact that I have discovered through YEARS of research (and TENS OF THOUSANDS OF MY OWN DOLLARS spent on the discovery).

My conclusion is: ALL WIMMEN ARE CRAZY!!!

When you meet a woman for the first time, the only questions you need to ask yourself are--- "HOW crazy IS she?" (It's not a question of "IF") and "HOW MUCH will this one COST me for the pussy?"

Do I sound jaded and mysogonistic? Good. I MEANT to sound that way, because I AM jaded and sick and tired of pussy-toters. {Pussy always comes with a woman's head attached, and unless she's performing fellatio, that head is one spooky place.) Most wimmen make fire ants seem tame by comparison.

A lot of guys I know aren't much better, but at least they can pee outdoors while standing up. I'm sick of THEM, too.

Just leave ME the fuck alone.


Axis of Asshole - sure
Ol' Dirty Bastard - better!

Posted by: jj on May 31, 2006 08:49 PM

I never got pissed at you, you imagined that with your fucked up twisted head. I offered to take care of you and you refused. I can't force myself on you darlin.
Go check yourself back into Willingway.

Posted by: livey on May 31, 2006 08:49 PM

Those women will love you more after this post.

Posted by: Catfish on May 31, 2006 08:54 PM

Somehow I just can't believe you are twice-divorced...

Posted by: rightisright on May 31, 2006 08:56 PM

LOL! So..... does this mean you going to email the rest of us your phone number in case we want to come visit....

Posted by: Libby on May 31, 2006 09:45 PM

I love it when two or more women are fighting over the same man.

Posted by: Catfish on May 31, 2006 09:51 PM

Yep. You feel about the same way about women as I do about men. And for what sounds like about the same reasons.

I'd have helped you if I could have. But I don't know you in person. I never presume to call and disturb anyone if I can help it. Hate to intrude or be a bother. Likewise with showing up at a door (now that would be just weird).

And I know what it is to call 911 myself, and to recover from major surgery all alone. On the one hand it sucks...on the other, just proud to be able to do it. Another accomplishment under the belt. See? Don't NEED anybody. And there's proof. But we do, or we wouldn't occasionally get all pissy about nobody being around.

Everybody's crazy. But not everybody's totally selfish. Just most. :)

Posted by: BabsRN on May 31, 2006 09:54 PM

Rob --

Ah, come on. You want it to make sense? You should know, as much as any of us, that the real issue is Adlerian. Who's in control? Who's the boss? Usually, the caregiver is the one in control.

The lady offered to take care of you. All you had to do is give up everything that made you attractive to her. What do you want? To live free? Go look up curmudgeon in the dictionary.

Me? I regret it when you aren't available and I appreciate your kid holding up your end when you are down. Cat is going through the same dreary problem. Shit man... tick tock tick tock.

Do I want to take you to raise? Uh... to what end? You want to live for ever? God forbid!

Well, what now? Go get a tattoo on your dick saying SCROOM. Any girl who can read the fine print... tell her to give you a kiss. Then run like hell.


Posted by: Bob Baird on May 31, 2006 10:13 PM

Have you been to the dr? 2 weeks is a long time to be sick...

Posted by: maxnnr on May 31, 2006 10:42 PM

I had an old man who was a great storyteller pass on some advice to me: "It's a hell of a life if you don't weaken."

Not sure how it applies specifically, but it always sounded good. ;>)

Posted by: Jeffro on May 31, 2006 10:45 PM

My guiding philosophy of life has been that if it flies, floats, or f**ks, rent, don't buy! And the older I've gotten and the more I've learned about women, the happier I am that I ended up with three goofy 'ol dogs. I feed 'em, they entertain me. Good trade.

Posted by: TxBubba on May 31, 2006 10:59 PM

I ain't never called your sorry ass and I don't ever plan to you sack of shit. You whine here every fucking night about your bad health, but it sounds to me like you created all your own problems over the years. Here's an idea...
Why don't you quit giving out your gotdam number to people if you don't want to be bothered. I sure as hell don't know how to call you and I don't wanna know.

Posted by: Don'tGiveADamn on June 1, 2006 02:15 AM

Hah! -- Reminds me of something my youngest daughter reminded me of a few years ago -- back when my kids were teen-ish, we were in the car somewhere and the term "misogynist" came up. Kids asked me what it meant and I explained that it was a man who disliked or mistrusted women. Daughter asks, "Well, then what do you call a woman who distrusts men?" I (apparently, I'd forgotten the whole incident, but my daughter thought it was hilarious) replied, " A realist!"
LOL -- listen to my cousin Bob up there -- he's one of the smarter guys in the blogshere (it's genetic! ) =]

Posted by: Marianne on June 1, 2006 03:30 AM

This would be why I prefer email, send a nice note, the person can read it at their leisure and take a piss in the middle if they feel so inclined. No inconvenience.

Posted by: Cythen on June 1, 2006 03:49 AM

You just didn't burn your bridges with this post. You napalmed them!

Posted by: Dan on June 1, 2006 05:02 AM

Shame he has to be pushed to this point to get his point across, ain't it?

Posted by: Stevie on June 1, 2006 07:43 AM

"Just what the hell do you wimmen WANT, anyway?"

They don't know. That doesn't stop 'em from expecting...nay, demanding men know, however.

Posted by: blue on June 1, 2006 10:13 AM

Man, Rob, that's freking awesome! Crazy-ass wimmin!

Posted by: crutch on June 1, 2006 10:36 AM

What do women want? That's easy - they want what they can't have, and when they get it, they don't want it anymore. And American women wonder why more and more men are Just Saying No to marriage ...

Posted by: maggot on June 1, 2006 10:38 AM

I love it!

I'm your female counterpart on these issues.....

Men are just as fucked up....when they detect a woman doesn't want or need them, they'll drive you crazy !!

Posted by: vicki on June 1, 2006 11:11 AM

Women get so fucking mad when they can't use that pussy power to control us. When we get a little older that pussy power is not as strong as it was when we were younger. It is still good, but not as strong or has the holding power it once had.

Posted by: Catfish on June 1, 2006 11:42 AM

Someone be sure and post where they bury this crazy asshole, I don't want to stand in line to piss on his grave.

Posted by: jamesoldguy on June 1, 2006 12:10 PM

Damn, Rob....are you okay? This post is so unlike you.

Posted by: zonker on June 1, 2006 12:58 PM

Hmmmm............this may seriously interfere with your "Ceaseless Quest For Adoration." Most folks don't react well to "fuck you!" in response to "I care". Except, of course, for masochistic women. They love it.

Posted by: liam on June 1, 2006 01:01 PM

" {Pussy always comes with a woman's head attached, and unless she's performing fellatio, that head is one spooky place.) "

That's the best line ever..I wonder if my husband would concur? :)

Posted by: Lisa on June 1, 2006 02:02 PM

"they can't use that pussy power to control us"

...right, and because men have dicks ( limp or not) they think they know both ways, brother.

Posted by: vicki on June 1, 2006 02:33 PM

This is your blog where you're allowed to say whatever you want. A lot of us are crazy, I'm the first to admit it.
However, I do not think the actions that triggered this post were the work of a crazy woman. Crazy implies knowing no better. This was the work of someone who knew exactly which of your buttons to push and pushed all of them under the guise of "caring".
I think you are a good man who has been shit all over and is just reacting like any of us would if we had the guts.

Posted by: UziQ on June 1, 2006 02:59 PM

Oh I disagree. I think Rob's latest rant WAS triggered by the "work" of a crazy woman. She is indeed CRAZY (and rotten to boot) and she pushed Rob's buttons under the guise of "caring" yet we all know she REALLY did it because she is a bloodless cunt and she wasnt getting what she wanted (from ROB) If she were any more transparent, she would be a pane of glass....(a fat one at that)

Posted by: Rtuh on June 1, 2006 04:28 PM

Lordy! Sure am glad I don't have either your phone # OR your address.

Posted by: Angie on June 1, 2006 04:37 PM

But she loves you man!
Not for the person you are, but the man you could be!


Posted by: Jane on June 1, 2006 07:21 PM

I've been pretty good about never expressing any concern whatsoever.

Posted by: Steve H. on June 2, 2006 11:57 AM

Damn...I go off to birth a baby and all this goes down...and I guess it's a good thing...Drama isn't my strong suit.

But anyways Rob, hope ya get to feeling better and everything gets settled for you soon.

Posted by: Steph on June 2, 2006 06:49 PM

Women are just a pain in the ass. I agree with all that is said in this forum. You can't live with them, you can't live without them.

Posted by: Jim on September 11, 2006 06:59 AM


Jusr reading through the archives (I loved Rob's writings) this was him.

I can hear him, just like the crap blogging.

Rob was his fiery self right to the end.

May he rest in peace.

God knows, I'll miss is sorry Cracker ass.

Posted by: Gina on October 16, 2006 11:25 PM
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