Gut Rumbles

May 17, 2006

good for her

I've written several posts lately about how plentiful, agressive and fearless alligators are today where I live. You can just LOOK at one of the sumbitches and know that it's a semi-dinosaur that OUGHT to be extinct if Mother Nature had good sense. When I worked at the chemical plant, seeing a 9-footer in the company PARKING LOT was not unusual.

Beh. When I still was employed by Kerr-McGee, some kind of "Tower of Power" brainfart-edict came out of Oklahoma City, home of the delusional coats and ties, that declared having a firearm in your vehicle on company property was a firing offense. Whoever wrote that piece of sheer corporate brilliance obviously never pulled shiftwork and never drove through Savannah's Crack Alley at 3:00 AM. The dimwit's worst fear in life probably was getting a paper cut at work.

I was summoned to a "management meeting" at work and told to explain the new rule to my direct reports. The HR dickweed who presented the policy said that the company was considering bringing in gun-sniffing DOGS to prowl the parking lot and catch offenders.

I never have been a politically-correct kinda guy, so I piped up and said, "If you do THAT, you'll have to fire almost every got-dam shiftworker we have, including ME." The HR fuckhead giving the speech resembled Jabba the Hut and one look at HIM told me that the most difficult work HE ever did in his life was trying to wipe his own bloated ass after a vendor or a union rep bought him an expense-account meal.

Once I opened MY mouth, others did, too, and that "policy" NEVER was enforced. But WE DID get a four-page procedure, written by some asshole in OKLAHOMA CITY (where alligators are as common as wheat), detailing what to do if we SAW one. When that document was released, it was greeted with howls of laughter great respect by everyone who read it.

The UNWRITTEN RULE at work became, "Don't ASK and don't TELL," because alligators were such a nusiance in Chatham County by then that even the Fish & Game wardens couldn't handle all the calls they got. I had their number and when a four-foot gator decided to crawl out of the marsh and camp out next to the front door to the Steam Plant, I was told, "We MIGHT respond in a couple of days. Do what YOU think you need to do."

We KILLED that gator, by chopping it to pieces with fire axes (since GUNS were forbidden on company property) and never said a word about it to ANYONE.

Good for that woman who shot the one crawling into her house. A three-footer might not EAT you, but it can damn sure take your hand off--- or make a meal out of a dog, a cat or a two year-old child. And they WILL, too.

Alligators are one creature where you NEVER should practice a "catch and release" policy.


I wonder if they'll press charges against her for shooting the poor, defenseless animal.
Maybe the PETA people will become involved...

Posted by: Lisa on May 17, 2006 05:33 PM

You don't muck around with a wild animal; especially something as primitive as an alligator. (Aint never encountered one, where I'm from there's only crocodiles, but they're mean as all hell too)

You might enjoy this rather priceless commentary on a typical HR bint though.

Posted by: Spitting Llama on May 17, 2006 05:34 PM

Where I live we don't have either gators or crocks (thank god), but we also don't have any registration requirement for firearms, rifles or handguns. If a homeowner shoots a burgler, sometimes they call the police and they come take the body away, but in most cases, they take it out to the desert where within a week the body parts are strewn over a 10 square mile area by the local scavengers. Two or three times a year I run into human bones out in the desert while hiking. Tells me everything I need to know about the subject. Heh.

Posted by: Vugorilla on May 17, 2006 07:30 PM

Alligator tail is damn fine eating too. We have a season on them down here in Florida. I get me a tail or two every year. Its damn near as good as catfish.

Posted by: assrot on May 17, 2006 08:04 PM

I read it. They gave her a warning for HUNTING without a license?

Who was doing the hunting here?

And apparently those 4 bullets she fired into it barely phased the thing. Just goes to show you what you're up against.

Posted by: BabsRN on May 17, 2006 08:44 PM

Peter Capstick had a section in one of his books about alligators, having previously written of his dealings with crocs in Africa. He pointed out what others have: conservation efforts have born such fruit that the little bastards have gained nuisance levels in many places, and despite the Disney crap, they're dangerous. As witnessed by, what, four people dead in FL in one week?

Posted by: Mark on May 17, 2006 10:59 PM

We do have gators in OK, but down in the southeast 1/4 or so; nowhere near OKC except in the zoo.

Posted by: Mark on May 17, 2006 11:00 PM

Babs, she didn't bring enough gun. I don't OWN any guns, and I've NEVER shot an alligator, but if you don't use a rifle, with at least a 30-30 or a .306 round in it, you're asking for trouble.

I've seen .45 rounds from a pistol bounce offa those things if somebody tried to shoot between the eyes at a flat angle. Gators are TOUGH!!!!

(If you stick a .30-.30 round in a gator's EYEBALL from 10 feet, you MIGHT kill him. Or you MIGHT just piss him off really bad, even though half of his head is blown away, and if you ain't mindin' your ass, he may sink your boat and dine on YOU before he dies.

Those things are DINOSAURS... and why the hell they've EVER been "protected" by government is a mystery to ME.

Posted by: Acidman on May 18, 2006 01:51 AM

Maybe the solution to two problems is to round up the gators in Florida and see how they do in the Rio Grande.

Posted by: Curmudgeon on May 19, 2006 01:21 AM

I'll catch and release 'gators ...

Catch them . Cook them , Eat them , then release em into a hole in the ground after a voyage through several feet of intesting.

If you want to catch one , leave a few ferral cat carcasses hanging in a tree by the water. make sure there's a big mother hook in the cat first of course.

Posted by: efa on May 19, 2006 02:59 AM

back in the day when my father in law was a teenager (and well into his twenties), they'd go out into the Louisiana marshes, catch, kill, and tag gators to sell. apparently there's pretty good money in it. I dunno if it's still legal to do that or not. they have a rather amusing video documenting one of their hunts.

Posted by: girl on May 19, 2006 04:33 PM

I have a friend who worked with the crew that built the I-95 bridge across the Savannah River. The rest of the crew were a bunch of Cajuns from Louisiana. My friend swears that these guys whold get beered up after a day's work, and then go out in canoes to hunt 'gator (nocturnal feeders, don't you know?). The boldest (drunkest) guy would sit in the front of the canoe, while the guys behind him shone a bright light in the gator's eyes and paddled toward it. The lead guy would then whack the thing in the head with a ballpeen hammer. I wasn't there, but my friend swers they brought down those things that way. (If it's not true, it ought to be!)

Posted by: Cop 1 on May 19, 2006 06:03 PM
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