Gut Rumbles

May 14, 2006

do not do this at home!!!

I crawled into my hot tub this morning. The water felt good, so I turned the jets on high and slipped off my bathing suit, the better to feel the water blowing on my bare balls.

I fell asleep in the tub and woke up almost TWO HOURS later. Bejus! I was a prune and wrung-out like a dirty dish-rag. I had great difficulty climbing out of the tub. My dick resembled a stack of dimes forty-cents tall. My knees wouldn't stay together, like a $10 whore on a busy Saturday night.

I was so discombobulated that I forgot about being nekkid until I heard my neighbor call, "Hey, Rob! Put some fucking britches on!" He was riding his lawn mower and probably worried that I was attempting to seduce his wimmen.

I gave him a one-finger salute and staggered inside my house. My bathing suit is still out there on the side of the hot tub, which remains uncovered because I don't have the strength to lift and place the lid right now. My nutsack is hanging so low that I think I stepped on it once on my way inside.

If my fantasy-fuck, Nichole Kidman, threw herself nekkid into my arms right now, I'd have to ask for a rain-check. Put some "be back" powder on that wet pussy, baby! I can't handle it right now. That's a horrible thing to admit, but at least my shoulders don't hurt anymore.

I'm just fortunate that I didn't drown.


God, I love you...
Your timing is impeccable.
I so needed a laugh after the shit I just went through...

AND, thank you, too, for sendin' my Site Meter to whirlin' like you did...

That you think of me today of all days is like a gift.

You've turned what was a kick in the heart into something less painful and more managable (and if any of your readers want to know why I am like I am about women, they'll certainly SEE when they all follow your earlier link over to my place...)

Hope ya get "un-pruned" soon.

Thank you again, Rob...
Love you, man....

Posted by: Stevie on May 14, 2006 04:06 PM

You like hard women, dontcha?

And I hope your nutsack contracted to it's standard position, or them women around there are gonna go CRAZY seein' stuff hangin' out the bottom of your jeans.

Posted by: LL on May 14, 2006 05:11 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Are you nuts? (no pun intended).

Posted by: Tessa on May 14, 2006 05:15 PM

Hope things are getting back to normal down south...and BE CAREFUL next time...

Posted by: Lisa on May 14, 2006 06:34 PM

Hay-Suess Christmas!!!

Think of the irrepairable damage you may have done to any young-uns unlucky enough to be gazing your way.

On the other hand, it could be effective birth control for pre-teen females.

Posted by: rightisright on May 14, 2006 07:25 PM

Just damn...nothing like wakin up and findin yourself dead!

Posted by: Maggie on May 14, 2006 07:28 PM
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