Gut Rumbles

May 14, 2006

it ain't really a joke

A guy goes to Las Vegas for a Shriner's convention and he gets really hot at the blackjack table. He wins $20,000 and the hotel rolls out the Red Carpet for him. He dines on fine wines and caviar, then staggers back to enjoy his Executive Suite, fully-comped by the hotel.

Along the way, a bellhop asks, "Sir, would you like some... uh...companionship tonight?" The guy thinks, "WhythefuckNOT!" He's got $20,000 in his pocket and he's feeling kinda horny. "Yeah," he says. "Send a... bwhahaha... companion to my room."

He checks out the big, luxurious suite and barely has time to appreciate the recessed lighting, the big-screen TV and the surround-sound stereo before he hears a knock on his door. He answers to discover a stunning vision, dressed in slinky, silken clothes and wearing the most attractive come-hither smile he's ever seen.

"I am your date for tonight," she says, "And I charge $100 for the best blow-job you ever had."

The guy recognizes a good deal when he sees one, so he peels off a $100 bill from his roll, drops trou and gets the BEST BLOW-JOB he's EVER had. He's almost comatose at the end, but he thinks about all the money he still has and asks, "I've never had anal sex before. How much would THAT cost me?"

"That would be $500," his date replies... "and I give the best anal sex you've ever had." The guy peels off five $100 bills from his roll and has... THE VERY BEST anal sex he could imagine. Gasping and panting at the end, he asks, "Goddam! If your blow-jobs and anal sex are THAT good, your pussy must be GREAT! How much for a straight fuck?"

His date walks to the window and throws back the curtain. She points to a high-rise hotel and casino across the way. "See that?" she asks. "I OWN that place, and I paid for it by giving great blow-jobs." The guy thinks, yeah, I can believe THAT.

Then his date says, "See that chain of restaurants over THERE?" The guy nods. "I bought those businesses with money I earned from giving anal sex."

The guy says, "You earned it all, and I can see how... but what about my straight fuck?"

His date replies, as "she" scratches her nutsack. "You dumbass. If I had a PUSSY, I'd own this whole damn town!"


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