Gut Rumbles

May 01, 2006

my trophy

berries 005 (WinCE) (Small).jpg

(It's a shitty picture, but that's fitting, considering the nature of the trophy.)

It suffered some cosmetic damage on the flight home, probably from being molested by ham-handed Homeland Security personnel who thought that it might be a clever terrorist's 'splody-thing, but it's still a fine trophy. I received it in a formal presentation at "The Salt Lick," a fine barbecue restaurant in Austin, where nobody shut up long enough to hear my pithy acceptance speech.

Well, it was as "formal" as we got all weekend... nobody mooned anybody in the restaurant (that activity was saved for the sixth floor balcony of the hotel)... and my pithy acceptance speech was "I am flushed with pride," mumbled around a mouthful of delicious pork ribs.

This unique memento was hand-crafted by an undiscovered artist who put a lot of time, effort and cash creativity into crafting it. I was the envy of all who beheld it, especially those that I goosed in the ass with the plunger handle.

Some people suggested that I modify it to hold a nine-volt battery and a vibrating device, then attach a gold chain and wear it like a necklace to attract lonely wimmen. I may try that idea. It might work on someone with a set of ten pounds apiece boobage. (That's not MY observation. She bragged about 'em to this guy, who just MAY have evidence to confirm the boast. I wasn't present to witness the photo session, but I DID hear rumors...)

In between long sessions of intellectual debate and keen analysis of current events, we managed to squeeze a little fun into the Blown-Star Blog-Meet. Hell--- we even had a flaming cadillac to celebrate the event. (Heh. Some people really know how to burn up the road...)

Gaze upon my trophy and tremble, all ye who THINK you are crap bloggers. I am THE KING, and I have the hardware to prove it.


I wasn't bragging dammit! If you had really been listening, you would have heard me say they USED to be 10 lbs apiece!

Posted by: livey on May 1, 2006 11:40 AM

Here's the direct link to the Flaming Cadillac story!

Posted by: El Capitan on May 1, 2006 12:29 PM

hmmmm, I like the "modify it to hold a nine-volt battery and a vibrating device" idea...
*evil evil grin*

Posted by: Lisa on May 1, 2006 12:42 PM

That's correct, Livey. I think I heard you mention that they've shrunk to nine and a half pounds each now.

You never did tell me how you weighed those things...

Posted by: Acidman on May 1, 2006 12:46 PM

Pretty thoughtful of Ellison...a multi-purpose award. You can use it to clean the toilet, perform CPR on visitors, or retrieve clams at the beach. Just place it over the clam's squirt hole at the beach and proceed as though you're cleaning a toilet. The suction brings the clam to the surface without breaking the shell. Just be careful which you do first.

Posted by: Tessa on May 1, 2006 02:43 PM

The whole conversation started with that pervert Neck asking why I had to wear a bra at all. That was the point! Funny how you only picked up on the 10lbs a piece part!

I put then individually on scale how else would I weigh them?

Posted by: livey on May 1, 2006 04:12 PM

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But no word about "poon" or "tang". Did you miss the boat, come up short, hit a dry hole? Come on, Rob. 'Fess up. How did you do? Thousands want to know.........

Posted by: Ol' Lurker on May 1, 2006 06:29 PM

... indeed, Tessa... Elisson is all about the sensitivity... AND multipurpose functionality of things... he's anal like that.... hey, he's a gift-giver....

Posted by: Eric on May 1, 2006 07:07 PM
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