Gut Rumbles

April 15, 2006

makes sense to me

If states are going to get all protective and ban smoking in public places, why not ban farting, too? We're talking serious greenhouse gas emissions here, a man-made cause of global warming, not to mention the olfactory damage caused by real stink-bomb farts.

Hell, it's a CRISIS! Government needs to STOP IT, especially in Mexican restaurants and places that serve boiled cabbage. This is a serious public health issue.

We need to think about The Children--- after all, when they stand up, their young, innocent faces are at ass-level to an adult. Just think about how many children get farts laid right in their faces today! If THAT'S not frightening enough to make you scream for government action, I don't know what is.

Besides, I've never seen second-hand smoke peel the paint right off a wall and clear an entire room of choking, gagging occupants. I can't say the same thing about farts.


unfortunately, adult farts have not been linked to long term health damage, while smoking (first or second hand) has, even if some of the studies are doubtful.

And since it's the German restaurants that serve the cabbage stuff, and they're allies now, there is little we can do about it.

Oh well, better luck next time picking a cause.

Posted by: Old Jacques on April 15, 2006 03:57 PM

I don't think we've needed to ban farting because most people have a sufficient sense of consideration, decorum to suppress the urge when in the company of others. At the very least, they realize that politeness dictates that they should do so.

Can't say the same about smokers, though. Ask them to suppress their stenchful urges around others and watch the protests, whinging, and cries of victimhood start up. That's why it's been necessary to institute bans.

Posted by: Alex on April 15, 2006 04:17 PM

ohmygawd........this is the best laugh I've had all day!.......thanks!

Posted by: Jean on April 15, 2006 04:19 PM

No way, don't ban farting. I can't remember the last time I've smoked indoors, even in my own house, or within fifteen feet of a stranger outdoors. I smoke, but I'm aware that it stinks and the odor lingers in clothing and furnishings. BUT, I don't hold back on farting, especially around strangers. I think it would be most uncomfortable. I MIGHT EVEN EXPLODE!

Posted by: MJH on April 15, 2006 09:04 PM

My "stenchful urges" have been all outside for 15 years, can't remember the last time I smoked in a building. It's that way everywhere.
You may breathe freely now.
Unless I'm in an elevator with you and bust a fart.
That may urge you to tear open the door and jump 5 stories.....

Posted by: Horrabin on April 16, 2006 01:54 AM

Anti-smokers should all be required to wear buttons that say, "Thank you for not smoking."

That way I'd know who to fart at in an elevator.

Posted by: McGehee on April 16, 2006 08:45 PM

My son pointed out to me that people fart up bookstores. Since that time I have noticed it too. My only question is why bookstores. Anyone have a reason for this?

Posted by: Scott on April 16, 2006 10:28 PM

Good Gawd, don't give anyone any ideas, dude!

Posted by: Shawna on April 17, 2006 08:01 PM

Why bookstores? They don't call it artsy-fartsy for nothin'

Posted by: Brett on April 18, 2006 12:07 PM
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