Gut Rumbles

January 27, 2006


I've always maintained that honesty isn't always the best policy, especially in dealing with the opposite sex. I'm not talking about BIG lies, such as having an affair or posting nekkid pictures of your mate on the internet and denying that you did it. I'm talking about little white lies, the oils that lubricate a happy relationship.

Guys, NEVER tell HER that the new dress she likes makes her ass look fat, even if it does. She doesn't want to hear that ego-crushing shit, so LIE about it. Tell her that seeing her in that dress makes you horny. DO NOT tell her that EVERYTHING makes you horny.

Gals, NEVER tell a guy that he has a little dick, even if he does. He doesn't want to hear that ego-crushing shit, so LIE about it. Tell him that he's a regular Conan in the sack and that if he were any bigger, you're not sure that you could take it. Tell him that he makes you horny. DO NOT tell him that you've seen bigger peckers on bluebirds.

That's what I call "situation ethics" and you should look at The Big Picture before you open your mouth and blurt out a hurtful truth. Besides, if you love somebody, you're supposed to make 'em feel good whenever you can. If little white lies work, use them.

But I don't believe in keeping a lot of secrets, either. I read this crap and decided that I wouldn't WANT a partner that I had to fool ALL the time, especially about the stuff on that list.

In MY humble opinion, most of the "Never Tell Her" list is petty and childish, things that only a hormonally-driven, jealous-minded, overly-sensitive, hissy-pitching dingbat would care about in the first place. It's soap-opera crap.

Hmmm.... now that I think about it, maybe you SHOULDN'T tell HER...


The list is right on the money, never ever give a woman a tool to hit you with, sooner or later she will. I have found that old war wounds will cause a person to lose his memory, and I am sticking to the story.

Posted by: jamesoldguy on January 27, 2006 10:46 AM

BAD ADVICE! do NOT tell her she looks great in a dress that she looks horrible in... cause then, she'll wear it all the time and look like a dumb ass and it will be all your fault and her best friend will tell her the truth and then you'll really be in a world of shit. Tell her the truth with finesse. "You look beautiful but that dress is not doing you justice.." blah blah blah... besides she already knows she looks like crap in that dress, she just needs someone else to confirm it for her.

Posted by: Danielle on January 27, 2006 11:54 AM

Whats wrong with the porn stash? I love a man with a big collection!

Posted by: Steph on January 27, 2006 12:36 PM

My ex is an ex because of lies....go figure...This list seems tame...ha!!

Posted by: Di on January 27, 2006 01:47 PM

"DO NOT tell him that you've seen bigger peckers on bluebirds."

Yikes! LOL

Posted by: Norm on January 27, 2006 01:52 PM

Honesty is the glue that has kept my marriage what it is. Without honesty, then you cannot have trust and what is a marriage without trust but a living hell.

Posted by: Kelly on January 27, 2006 03:01 PM

I'd rather the truth, even if it would hurt my feelings, than bullshit.

Posted by: livey on January 27, 2006 03:10 PM

Some things are better left unsaid - the secret to a happy marriage.

Also, a lot of women would also do well to heed MOST of that advice.

Posted by: Jane on January 27, 2006 03:12 PM
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