Gut Rumbles

January 26, 2006

a two-holer

When I lived in the coal mining camp, I knew that my family was high-class in the community. First, we lived on Front Row, right next to the highway, which was about as elite as you could get without having a House on the Hill over across the railroad tracks. That's where true Tall Dogs of coal-mining society lived.

Second, we had a family two-holer outhouse. It had one big hole for adults, and another big hole with a board nailed across it "for the children." That board blocked just enough of the hole to ensure that no little ass could fall through while doing a #2 out there. (It was an early form of child-proofing a hazard. Simple, but effective.)

I suppose that everything old is indeed new again. I just can't figure out where they're gonna put that board on this one.


We had a neighbor that had a three holer and the neighbor kid bragged about it. I told me Dad and he said it twern't nothing to brag about. That family was more full of shit than we were so they needed three holes instead of just two.

Posted by: GUYK on January 26, 2006 11:28 AM

I remember grandma's 2 holer and the side compartments to hold emergency corn cobs in case the sears catalog had been used up.

Posted by: ken on January 26, 2006 12:34 PM

That's freaky. I don't think I like anyone enough to share my personal bathroom time. Can't imagine the neurotic people using this one. I bet they are the same kind who would set a cat on fire.

Posted by: Steph on January 26, 2006 01:01 PM

I wouldn't use it. I don't give two shits about anything.

Posted by: McGehee on January 26, 2006 01:05 PM

Well, my family were snobs, I guess. You just didn't shit with each other. One hole was aplenty. But gramps was a sadistic old cuss. His seat was CEMENT! Now, even in South Carolina, it can get COLD in the winter and that seat was one monkey bitch to sit on!

Posted by: James Hooker-ex cracker on January 26, 2006 02:32 PM

I can't see how you could any more intimate than that. This should be used in marriage counseling. If you can crap together, you can do anything together. But as for me and my hubby... HELL NO!

Posted by: Danielle on January 26, 2006 03:23 PM

Should help finally consummate the marriage of many Liberals - also that to their terrorist allies. We're doomed.

Posted by: Ga-ne-sha on January 26, 2006 04:05 PM

"Now, even in South Carolina, it can get COLD in the winter and that seat was one monkey bitch to sit on!"

A family story is the San Diego nephew who went to live in an abandoned farmhouse in Idaho. He was a writer, and communicated "by modem". When our Grandma who grew up on a Nebraska farm said, "I remember how cold the outhouse seat was", he said "Nana, I went to college. I keep a board with a hole in it behind the wood stove to carry out there with me".

The finest example of college learning I ever heard.

Posted by: Dan Pursel on January 26, 2006 09:39 PM
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