Gut Rumbles

January 26, 2006

the year of the cat

I hate cats, but I do not condone cruelty to animals. Even cats. I may pop a cat in the ass with a shot from a pellet rifle to keep it from raiding a bird's nest, but I draw the line at setting a cat on fire.

That's a mean, stupid thing to do. The flames may spread and burn up something else...

Still, I think that a year in jail is a pretty stiff sentence for combusting a cat. Send that guy to jail and he'll just hang around hard-core cat-burners and learn all their professional tricks of the trade. He'll be even WORSE when he gets out.

Naw, give him community service--- say a year emptying stinking litter boxes at the animal shelter. That way, he can gain respect for how sweet and adorable cats are just before they are euthanized by the hundreds because their owners allowed them to run wild, fighting and fucking at night and raiding bird's nests during the day.

That'll teach him.


You meanie.

Posted by: Ruth on January 26, 2006 10:31 AM

By the way, Thomas, Bobby, Lewis, Julius and Pepper all say hello....(and meow) They are (as I type) sitting in various windowsills, watching the birds come and go at my feeders. (And not to worry, feathers will never touch their lips as they are spoiled rotten indoor cats)

Just remember, Mark Twain would never mock a cat being set on fire (nor would Ernest Hemingway)


Posted by: Ruth on January 26, 2006 10:51 AM

Yeah, but Lewis Grizzard might and Rob will.....

I don't care.
I love 'im anyway.
('Specially after yesterday.... kept me from landing on my face yet again, he did.)

Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 11:05 AM

The flames may spread and burn up something else...

Yeah, that could be a problem. I wonder if that is how all those forest fires out west are started? Hot pussy in the woods.

Posted by: GUYK on January 26, 2006 11:26 AM

Oh I love 'im anyway too. He is one lovable curmudgeon. I just like to bust his chops when it comes to cats. (which we all know he secretely adores)

Posted by: Ruth on January 26, 2006 11:35 AM

it's ncie to know that even you has limits. but i want to know why, since you hate cats so much, are you alwys writing about them? i mean, i hate lima beans, but i never bother to write about them...

Posted by: jessica on January 26, 2006 11:58 AM

does it make me some kind of sociopath to think that would be mildly entertaining....

Posted by: heath on January 26, 2006 12:57 PM

Jessica raises an interesting point, Rob. Why not write about how much you hate lima beans?

Posted by: McGehee on January 26, 2006 01:01 PM

Because nobody gives a shit about LIMA BEANS. Thats why.

Posted by: Ruth on January 26, 2006 01:05 PM

eat enough lima's and you ARE gona shit! Might even NEED a two holer. As I was about to say, cats aren't high on my list of fuzzy wuzzy gotta haves, but hurting an animal you ain't gonna eat? I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL! You're lower than whale shit!

Posted by: James Hooker-ex cracker on January 26, 2006 02:41 PM

I just read somewhere here recently about the PERFECT definition of karma.

Some old fart found a mouse in his house.
I don't remember how he caught it, but he took it, alive, outside and to kill it, set it on fire, the old prick.

The mouse, in flames, ran back in the guys house and burnt it to the ground.

I laughed my ass off at that.
Serves the old turd right.

Also, remember reading about some afterbirth-that-lived who was gonna beat his dog with a shotgun.
The dog, of course, wasn't sitting still for this shit and in the ensuing falderal, the dog somehow caused the guy to drop the gun, which discharged and killed the stupid bastard.

Now, if only that poor cat had run up that dick's thigh, sunk his claws and teeth into the jerkoff's scrotum and hung there, burning and clawing his balls off.

That woulda been sweet justice.

Aaand... question.
If two of the reasons "humans" use to hunt, kill and thin the herds of various species of animals are over-population and the damage the animals cause, why are PEOPLE not at the top of the Most Hunted list, hmmmm?

Let that scenario become a reality and I'll become Kim Du Toit with boobs, I'll be such a proponant of guns-n-hunting.

Okay... back to reading Dooce's archives.
Or something.
(Something that involves "shutting up now".)

Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 03:20 PM

Not that it's guns I have a problem with, mind you.

And, Ruth...
Only 5 cats?
I've got 5 cats I can see from where I'm sitting, I can't see the entire room I'm in AND there are three more rooms on this floor and another floor in this house to boot.

Not to mention the "new Mommy" cat who is currently residing in my bedroom with her three latest babies...

Yeah, I do have more cats than functioning brain cells.

BUT, in my (feeble) defense, let me also state that I live on a farm and that in this house are also:
a parakeet
a mouthy, screeching Conure parrot
two roosters
a duck
a rabbit
and, for now, a Jack Russell.

Now do y'all feel better about how many cats I have?
Yeah, me too.

(And, in case anybody is wondering or cares *rolling eyes*, all but the cats and the dog are caged.)

Okay, now I'm really gonna shaddap.
I think...

Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 03:31 PM

Well, I have Dexter, Hobbes, Dee Dee, Panda, Waldo, Snickers and Baby Jack. All neutered - the only responsible thing to do!Only three go outside and they wear bells so the birds know they are coming. Besides, Dexter is so fat that a newborn baby bird can move faster than he can anyway.

Two 90 pound German Sheppard mix muts round out my menagerie.

There is something to the idea of community service at the animal shelter....but if you were a volunteer there would YOU want to work with that psycho?

Posted by: A Different Kim on January 26, 2006 03:59 PM

FIVE CATS and one Sheltie (mini collie) plus 2 parakeets...and 5 goldfish and a giant koi (outside in a water garden)

Posted by: Ruth on January 26, 2006 04:03 PM


(Even cooler coincidence... a friend of mine used to have a Sheltie named Rooster, swear ta Gawd....)

Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 04:15 PM

ummm...Stevie? That story about the mouse setting fire to the house was just that, a story. The wind blew some burning leaves onto the porch, setting it on fire. The mouse was dead before the guy tossed it in.

I've shot, trapped and poisoned varmints, but I draw the line at assholes who purposely torture animals, any animals, even rats for the fun of it. I'd like to see the cat burner burner punished by scrubbing his ass with 36 grit sandpaper, then washing it down well with turpentine, before setting HIM on fire. At daybreak on the first monday of every month for a year. Now that would be worth the price of admission.

Posted by: Gerry N. on January 26, 2006 04:48 PM

Damn, now I've gotta go check Snopes.

I like it better the way I read it the first time.

Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 05:28 PM


Posted by: Stevie on January 26, 2006 05:34 PM

An eye for an eye is what I believe in. Somebody should set that no good cocksucker on fire and let the cat watch him dance around. Sorry son of a gotdam bitch. Some people are worse than animals.

Posted by: assrot on January 26, 2006 06:30 PM

He would have probably got in less trouble if he ate the damn thing. Community service would have been better, people have spent less time in jail for manslaughter. Now if the cat was a pet? Maybe a month or two. Thousands of animals get put down every day and every kid knows of someone that stuck a cat in the microwave.

Posted by: Sean on January 27, 2006 12:43 PM
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