Gut Rumbles

January 14, 2006

where's my escalator?

Livey took some pictures when I gave her a tour of River Street and Factor's Walk. See me climbing the stairs? I couldn't have CRAWLED up those stairs four months ago.

She said that I should be proud of myself. In some ways, I am--- but I'm mostly disgusted and ashamed that I let myself go to shit the way I did in the first place. I'm really surprised that one of my good friends didn't drag me off and shoot me toward the end. It would have been a totally justified mercy killing.

Here's something I told Livey and I hope she takes the message to heart. I wish EVERYBODY would. It's something the staff preached every day when I was in rehab:

You have the chance to start your life over again every time you wake up in the morning. You can't change the past, but the future is what YOU make of it.

That's a pretty spooky idea if you really think about it. You are responsible for your own choices, be they good or bad. Bejus! What a novel concept! How can anyone POSSIBLY believe such nonsense in this age of nanny-government, trial lawyers, excuse-makers, chronic whiners and professional "victims?" Listen to those folks and you'll learn that when you fuck up, you simply drew bad numbers in "life's lottery" through random chance, not by mistakes YOU made.

Hell, we need to get rid of E Pluribus Unum as our national motto and replace it with "It's Not MY Fault!" More and more people seem to think that way every day. They are sadly mistaken, too.

Remember this about life: If it was EASY, any asshole could do it. It ain't easy. Sometimes there ain't no escalator to get you up the stairs, and all the pissing and moaning in the world won't bring one, either.

You just have to climb them yourself.


Have to agree with ya 100% on that one...gets old real fast. Even in business now I get that from my customers...wasn't their fault was mine because of something or whatever they can find......Also Congrats on the 84 days

Posted by: fourwinn200 on January 14, 2006 01:32 AM

Somebody said, can't remember who so I'll take the credit: "Every morning is like a present. It's up to you to get up, rip the paper off with a great fury, and make of it just the thing you always wanted."

This marks my second day without a Guinness. I'm slipping.

Posted by: James Hooker-ex cracker on January 14, 2006 02:57 AM

I read that statement over and over...good words to really sink in. I need to make some changes in my life. Thanks for the boost.

Posted by: Cindi on January 14, 2006 04:24 AM

You look FANTASTIC in those photos. I found your blog through Instapundit when you were at the very end of your rope, and the change in who I see now as opposed to when I first found your blog is a downright miracle....a miracle that is repeated every day of your sobriety.

So now it's time for me to get off my lily-white ass and start exercising and drop, shall we say, a wee bit o' weight. I bet my hubby sends you a thank you note.

Thanks for the inspirations

Posted by: A Different Kim on January 14, 2006 04:29 AM

Very true words indeed! All of us have to live by the choices we've made; most people just don't get it!

Posted by: Michele on January 14, 2006 04:53 AM

Yep. It's true..all of it. They call it "victim thinking"...and what a drag. I think the most freeing thought in the world is that you are the master of your own universe.

Posted by: Kelly on January 14, 2006 09:07 AM

You are a very wise man, I learned a lot from you in the short time I spent there. I am making that my new model! Thanks hun.

Posted by: livey on January 14, 2006 10:56 AM


Posted by: Maggie on January 14, 2006 11:43 AM

Excellent words!!! As a teacher, I get unbearably frustrated as more and more kids are of the "life owes me" mentality....I get even angrier at their parents who reinforce conference, they're getting a card with "You are responsible for your own choices, be they good or bad" printed on it. End of conference.

Posted by: DixieDarlin' on January 14, 2006 11:49 AM

If I haven't written it before, I'm very proud of you for living YOUR LIFE!

Posted by: pameande on January 14, 2006 03:05 PM

damn, dude, those stairs are a bitch. I had the same reaction to them as Livey. I'd say you've got yourself together.

Nice to have you back!

Posted by: caltechgirl on January 14, 2006 03:27 PM

Wow, somebody who gets it! One of the biggest problems I see in our society today is a total lack of responibility. From our president, right down to the idiot teaching elementary grade science. I'm not a huge fan of politicians of any sort, but I must say I'm pleased that the CA governor denied clemency to a man due to be exectued this coming Tues. This mans legal team argue that he is blind, in poor health, yadda yadda yadda. Arnie says, the man committed a crime, the judge said death, nothing has changed that and nothing should change that. REAL men, take care of their responsibilities. If this guy is a REAL man, he'll take his punishment like a man. If not, he's less than worm guts (like his legal team and anyone protesting against his execution) and doesn't even deserve to be thrown to the fish.

Posted by: Jo on January 14, 2006 10:57 PM

I have a 90-day chip I'm gonna send you.
I've had many.
If you get 6 months, I have a fancy brass (bronze? whatever they are) one I got from a guy in the club audience when I went up & found out they were out of the usual stamped aluminum ones. He just up & gave it to me, he had it on him for some reason.
Maybe in future you can return it when I once again get 6 months.
But good on you, man. 90 is tough.

Posted by: One O' Them Guys on January 15, 2006 03:07 AM

I haven't had a drink all day today either. Yay us!

Posted by: Larry on January 17, 2006 07:40 AM
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