January 13, 2006
Wanna halt global warming? Wanna stop it dead? Wanna shut up all the doom-mongering environmentalists who scream, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!?" I've got the answer. Don't laugh, either. It makes as much sense as the Kyoto Treaty.
Just kill all the plants. Yep. Those insidious bastards are COOKING US and RUINING OUR PLANET with deadly methane emmissions.
David Lowe, of the National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research in New Zealand, said the findings are startling and controversial.
There you have it: the Rain Forest is our enemy. A tree is a smokestack, belching out greenhouse gas. Flowers may look pretty and smell good, but they make the oceans rise to drown us. Those "amber waves of grain" that keep us fed? Worse than pod-creatures.
Be an environmentalist! Save the planet!
Go kill a plant today, before it's too late.
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