Gut Rumbles

January 13, 2006

more idiocy

Wanna halt global warming? Wanna stop it dead? Wanna shut up all the doom-mongering environmentalists who scream, "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!?" I've got the answer. Don't laugh, either. It makes as much sense as the Kyoto Treaty.

Just kill all the plants. Yep. Those insidious bastards are COOKING US and RUINING OUR PLANET with deadly methane emmissions.

David Lowe, of the National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research in New Zealand, said the findings are startling and controversial.

"Keppler and colleagues' finding helps to account for observations from space of incredibly large plumes of methane above tropical forests," he said in a commentary on the research.

But the study also poses questions, such as how such a potentially large source of methane could have been overlooked and how plants produced it.

There you have it: the Rain Forest is our enemy. A tree is a smokestack, belching out greenhouse gas. Flowers may look pretty and smell good, but they make the oceans rise to drown us. Those "amber waves of grain" that keep us fed? Worse than pod-creatures.

Be an environmentalist! Save the planet!

Go kill a plant today, before it's too late.


A methane cloud hovering directly above a huge mound of rapidly decaying plant matter. Who'da fuckin' thunk it.

I wonder if anyone could figure out how to light a giant fart.

Posted by: Sticky B on January 13, 2006 12:38 PM

That was a dumb post even by your standards!

Posted by: george on January 13, 2006 01:05 PM

Evidently, no sarcasm is so unsubtle that it cannot be missed...

Posted by: Tom on January 13, 2006 02:17 PM

Remember the squeals of outrage from the tree huggers, when President Reagan suggested that trees contribute to pollution by emitting carbon dioxide?

Hope you're doing better, hang in there, I need your site to keep (semi) sane!

Posted by: stratguy1961 on January 13, 2006 06:29 PM

Is it OK if I just cut the grass?

Posted by: Mrite on January 13, 2006 09:00 PM
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