Gut Rumbles
 

December 14, 2005

damn good question

Does anybody really like this shit enough to pay $2,399 a pound for it? Some people must, or the crap wouldn't be for sale.

Of course, those people probably are overweight, cat-loving alcoholics with more money than good sense. For $2,399 dollars they could buy a few nice guns or good guitars instead of a stinking pile of fish eggs.

I have eaten caviar twice in my life. The first time, I was still in college, and when I spit that vile-tasting abomination (along with the cracker it rode in on) from my mouth, I attributed my reaction to a lack of sophistication. I was a pinto beans and cornbread kinda guy. My Southern palate was not prepared for such an exquisite treat.

The second time was just a few years ago. My Sophistication Quotient had risen dramatically over the years, so I figured that THIS TIME, I would appreciate what I could NOT appreciate before.

I was mistaken. The stuff still tasted like tiny balls of shit dipped in cod liver oil to me. I did manage to swallow that time, and I burped a disgusting afterburn for hours. I decided right then that I wouldn't feed caviar to a got-dam mangey dog; a cat, maybe. But not a dog.

Piss on caviar. I prefer boiled peanuts.

Comments

hey hey hey, I may be a cat lover, but I draw the line at being lumped in with the overweight and alcoholics..(not that theres anythng wrong with enjoying food and drink to excess mind you) I cant lay claim to having a taste for caviar, but I do like sushi thats laced with roe....(and come to think of it, some of the cans of catfood that I open smell pretty darn good too)

Posted by: Ruth on December 14, 2005 02:32 PM

About once in ten years, I pull out all the stops and treat myself to a 1 Oz. jar of real Beluga Caviar. It has to be among the most wonderful experiences one can have fully clothed. You have to admit, someone enjoying some caviar doesn't drive everyone else out as the stench of someone enjoying a $150.00 cigar in the same room will.

Posted by: Gerry N. on December 14, 2005 02:49 PM

Cavier is somethig I'd only eat out of courtesy. Don't care for it, but it's not nauseating.

Pate', however, does indeed look, smell, and taste exactly like cat food.

My sample was a gift from a visiting French researcher I'd helped out, so I'm making the wild assumption that he tried to get reasonably good stuff.

Fortunately, he was in a hurry to catch his plane, so he pressed the gift-box into my hands and ran off.

Gack. What in the world were they thinking?

One more to go on my "what's all the fuss about?" list: truffles.

Posted by: refugee on December 14, 2005 02:51 PM

Rob,

I just saw your name over at hogonice.

Thought you'd like to know. People sure do know you're a writer - and a damn good one.

Why not write a book? (like you've never been asked that question before)

Jimboy

Posted by: jimboy on December 14, 2005 03:25 PM

I wrote a book 28 years ago, Jimboy. It sucked and didn't sell. But I'm thinking about trying again.

Posted by: Acidman on December 14, 2005 03:51 PM

I enjoy good caviar, but it IS an admittedly aquired taste.

Having said that, ANYONE thats willing to pay $2,399 a pound for it just plain has more money than the sense that G-d gave a horsefly.

MamaM boiled those peanuts you got her, and they WERE fantastic.

Posted by: delftsman3 on December 14, 2005 06:21 PM

Never tried caviar but I'll take a pizza with anchovies and onions any day!

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on December 14, 2005 07:31 PM

Anyone that would eat caviar, would suck a dick.

Posted by: catfish on December 14, 2005 08:20 PM

I like the small orange stuff that's around the california roll sushi. It's slightly sweet and gives an nice crunch texture to it.

But the big stuff? I'm just reminded of the salmon eggs my mom would buy when we'd go fishing. Yick.

And for that much a pound? Holy god, that shit better cure cancer. What type of fish does that come out of?! I'll buy a fry and be up to my gills in cash.

You're quite verbose since your extended siesta.

Posted by: Cythen on December 14, 2005 08:29 PM

As some Jewish guy once wrote, "There is nothing written about taste".

Know people who can't stand good whiskey, and no matter what brand I cannot stand champagne.

Posted by: Mark on December 15, 2005 12:39 AM

My wife is from Ukraine; caviar is a household staple in the LoboDen. Granted, it's an acquired taste but once acquired it's damn tastey.

My kid has been slurping down two spoon fulls every morning since he was old enough to eat from a spoon.

We get ours from a local commie--er--Ruski store for about ten bucks a pound. Funny thing is that it's made in the USA.

Posted by: Daniel Medley on December 15, 2005 11:03 AM

It's been years since I read this, so I might have the quote mangled, but some moderately famous Italian said this about caviar:

"Che Mangia il caviale, mangia mosca, merde i sale!"

(He who eats caviar, eats flies, shit and salt!)

Posted by: El Capitan on December 15, 2005 12:12 PM

If you piss on caviar, does it improve the flavor?

Posted by: Donna B. on December 15, 2005 05:42 PM
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