Gut Rumbles

August 14, 2005


I once owned a lot of chickens. I kept them in a coop and fed them every day. The hens gave me fresh eggs and I liked watching the roosters engage in their sexual antics. All chickens are sluts.

But those are about the nastiest animals I've ever seen. A chicken will eat ANYTHING, no matter how rotten or disgusting it may appear to YOU. That's what chickens do.

A neighbor of mine showed me how to skin a rooster. I sent Quinton out to feed the chickens one day and a one-eyed rooster attacked him and spurred the hell out of my boy. Quinton was only six years old at the time, and the rooster was getting the best of him.

Quinton was screaming, so I ran to the coop outside and shot that rooster with a .22 pistol. He had NO EYES after that, the bastard.

I cut his head and feet off. I cut him down the middle, pulled his guts out, rolled the skin off from the inside-out, which takes all the feathers with it, and I cooked the sumbitch for supper that night. He never spurred Quinton again.

I left his feathers, guts, head, feet and hide in the coop. It was all gone the next day, except for a few stray feathers. His brothers and sisters devoured the rest of him.

That's life on a farm.


I had a pet rooster. His name was Quiche. He loved to go for car rides and he slept with my horse. He was a really cool bird.

Posted by: Maeve on August 14, 2005 12:01 PM

Do you know what that white stuff is in chicken shit?

Posted by: GUYK on August 14, 2005 12:14 PM

GUYK, about 50 years ago my dad told me what his mother did when one of the kids had a "Monday morning" stomach ache. She'd send the suffering child out to the chicken coop with a spoon to get a dollop of the "white stuff", then the kid would have to eat it. Cured tummy problems instantly! Miracle drug!

BTW, I was told this story when I started the 1st grade. I didn't have too many stomach aches.

Posted by: Bogdaddy on August 14, 2005 12:23 PM

yeah, that white stuff in chicken shit is chicken shit also.

Posted by: GUYK on August 14, 2005 01:52 PM

Christ, if you ever visit a poultry farm or a pig farm in the midwest you'll be tempted to go vegetarian.


Where I live now there's few farms and what are there - are produce only.

I liked it back home cause you'd get real farm raised beef and chickens and pig. You know the farmer and you make arrangements to buy the animal whole when it's ready for slaughter.

Takes away the need to go to the store and pay 2x for free range chickens and "organic" beef.

Posted by: gordon the magnificent on August 14, 2005 01:55 PM

hahahaha, i loved reading that story. You definitely tell a good story!!! :)

Posted by: Braden on August 14, 2005 03:26 PM

Coprofeceous (sp?) too.
Pigs will eat anything,also, including ham & chicken parts. I , too, learned how to prepare a chicken from scratch & used to feed the guts & feet & all to the pig we were raising -- suffice it to say he soon learned how to catch his own & let the dogs get blamed for killing the chickens!

Posted by: Marianne on August 14, 2005 03:32 PM

The word is coprophagous: Shit-eatin'. As in, "Get outa here, you, with that coprophagous grin."

The white stuff in bird shit is uric acid. Solid bird piss, if you will. Crapping out uric acid saves weight, which is useful for a bird. We're less efficient, and we piss liquid. Not sure whether it has any medicinal value, but the threat of having to take it would cure "fake ache" real fast.

Posted by: Elisson on August 14, 2005 04:13 PM

My free range bantum chickens once devoured the entire side of a styrofoam box.

The little rooster thought it was the greatest thing to start crowin' at 3am in the morning , not stopping till well after dawn.

I got my own back on him though. Tasted damn fine.

Posted by: efa on August 14, 2005 09:00 PM

This reminds me of a fun spectacle I once witnessed on my grandfather's farm. A bunch of hired hands castrated 50 pigs and threw the bloody testicles in a pile. And the pigs ate them.

Posted by: Steve H. on August 15, 2005 11:42 AM
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