Gut Rumbles

August 08, 2005

why 90% of blogs are pure shit

I want you to consider MOST SERIOUSLY the deep, philosophical thinking behind this comment:

"Reality is not what we make it, but it is indeed made up of the sum of our choices.

A subtle difference, but one worth noting."

Can anybody in their right mind explain that quote to me? I'm serious. Oh, the words are pretty and they flow just fine, but they don't mean a got-dam thing. What is this "sum of our choices" crap? We didn't MAKE "reality" with those choices? You could sure fool me with that shit.

You're goddam RIGHT that your choices become "reality," but that is no existential dilemma. That's what YOU MADE, through your own choices.

I don't see anything "subtle" about it.

Let me put the same idea in pure Cracker language. Actions have consequences. When you dance the wild jig, you pay the piper. If you fall out of a tree, you're gonna hit the ground. If you don't like heat, stay the fuck out of the kitchen. If you aren't certain that this is "reality," just take a hammer and bash the shit out of a finger. If that doesn't hurt, then it's not real.

Otherwise, go back to writing for pre-pubescent girls, and wet their panties the way Rod McCuen did.

Fuck me dead. If you can't run with the Tall Dogs, keep your puppy ass on the porch. If it was easy, any asshole could do it. Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which hand fills up first. Don't write checks with your mouth that your ass can't cash.

I suppose some people are too "sensitive" to understand those simple facts about life. But that's "reality" to me.


Rob, you really need to get a job, do something, move on with your life. Read what you've written here. Is that worthy of anyone's time?

Just because you have a modem doesn't mean you have to use it.

Posted by: Anonymous on August 8, 2005 05:49 PM


RIght on brother....

Moonbat mumbo what it is.

BTW, my finger hurts...2 lb. sledge hammer and all

Posted by: daniel on August 8, 2005 05:59 PM

You want pure shit? Here it is!

1. Instapundit - Calling Glenn Reynolds intellectually lazy would be to praise him. He doesn't write, he grunts. Has gained prominence by posting a lot and never making his audience think; has done those things by never thinking too much himself. Never met a Democrat he couldn't casually accuse of treason.

2. Michelle Malkin - Far-right affirmative action hire who is so bigoted she'd arrest herself for trying to cross a border. Famously published a book praising internment of Japanese-Americans that was (a) incoherent and (b) probably not written by her. If she didn't have tits, she'd be stuck writing at

3. Powerline - Bilious Minnesotans led by someone who nicknamed himself "Hindrocket." Talk about being manly in that protests-too-much way.

4. Little Green Footballs - If LGF didn't exist, Dave Neiwert would have to invent it. Heady stuff for young rightwingers, like the Völkischer Beobachter was in the good old days. Site gives off a strong scent of roast pork.

5. Captain's Quarters - Every so often on the subway, I find these screeds written in colored marker, in which the printing goes from edge to edge on the paper, often with words cut off in random spots at the end of the line and continued on the next. I am told that this style of writing is common among very delusional people. Ed Morrissey has the benefit of blogging software that paginates the words for him. He will deliver pages on any subject at all, always proving in his mind the perfidy of liberals and always making absolutely no sense. I bet Ed makes even other far-righters nervous.

6. Volokh Conspiracy - Doctrinaire right-wing lawyers who intellectualize and ward off reality, interspersed with flashes of viciousness. Fortunately, Volokh is so tone-deaf he has already excluded himself from the judgeship he obviously desires - he's described himself as a "law and order conservative" (code for putting blacks in jail) and praised torturing prisoners before executing them.

7. Hugh Hewitt - Death to Muslims! Death to Muslims! Death to Muslims! It goes on like that.

8. Dean's World - Dean Esmay is popular among right-wingers as one of those centrists who just happen to hate liberals and Democrats. A proud dry drunk, he works out his unresolved childhood issues of being raised in a union household by writing about his crackpot theories on HIV/AIDS, feminism, and capitalism.

9. Buzzmachine - A man with a face for radio, Jeff Jarvis has used his "credentials" as a television critic for TV Guide to get himself tapped by cable news as the "blog guy." Like TV news, Buzzmachine lurches from outrage to self-righteousness to the furious riding of several creaky hobbyhorses. Like TV pundits, Jarvis comes up with meaningless catchphrases that he repeats endlessly ("News is a conversation" being the most vapid) and poses as another neutral observer who just happens to hate liberals and Democrats. And like TV generally, Jarvis' presentation of any given issue is shallow and knee-jerk, and only really exists to promote the product, in this case, Jarvis. Caution: name-dropping zone.

10. RedState - Formerly known pseudonymously as Tacitus, formerly considered by some liberals as a reasonable conservative, Josh Trevino found that neither was conducive to promotion in Republican circles, so he dumped the name and his former site and founded RedState. Democrats or liberals are both banned and regularly accused of treason; Muslims are presumed dangerous. Darfur is an especially favorite topic, because it both shows Islam in a bad light and has the advantage of not having to actually do anything.

Posted by: Noby on August 8, 2005 06:10 PM

"Reality is not what we make it, but it is indeed made up of the sum of our choices.
A subtle difference, but one worth noting."

What the fuck! Over? I can think of an analogy or two but to someone who doesn't understand logic it wouldn't make a shit anyway.

Is this the kind of shit they teach in college now adays? Charmin'

Posted by: GUYK on August 8, 2005 06:13 PM

Ferguson's First Law of Blogging:

If you think your opinion really matters, then your blog is probably a piece of shit.

Posted by: Scott Ferguson on August 8, 2005 06:20 PM

Yeah, the sum of the choices you put in your drug cocktail... a little acid, a little lsd... some booger sugar...

Posted by: cythen on August 8, 2005 06:29 PM

If you can't run with the Tall Dogs, keep your puppy ass on the porch.

I think I'm gonna get that as a tattoo.


Posted by: Light & Dark on August 8, 2005 06:37 PM

Not everybody can be Mister Fucking Blog God Rob. Fuck tall dogs. I am a bug fucking dog that can run with anybody. Having said that what is this gibberish you are trying to get across? Got-dam, I wouldn't know what the hell you were talking about if Chablis hadn't explained it.

Posted by: assrot on August 8, 2005 07:31 PM

That's big fucking dog. Goddamit.

Posted by: assrot on August 8, 2005 07:33 PM

Sounds like something from "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" from the old SNL.

This also sounds like something an overeducated person who thinks all of their words are worth hearing would say.

Posted by: UziQ on August 8, 2005 07:47 PM

It also sounds like something someone would say after watching a "Matrix" marathon.

Somehow I still believe that Tall Dogs outrank the "bug fuckers" . . .

Posted by: Anne on August 8, 2005 08:18 PM

How about:
If it looks like shit, smells like shit, and tastes like is probably shit!

great post

Posted by: Billy Budd on August 8, 2005 09:30 PM

Geez, Rob, I can only believe you treasure your trolls. I would fuck up those two turds up there just for grins, if they said that to someone I didn't know at a party.

I'd hate to see your underwear, cuz you need to wash these skidmarks OUT.

Posted by: Bane on August 8, 2005 10:04 PM

Gut Rumbles: Come for the bloggin', stay for the Shit Flingin' Monkeys Amongst th' Commenters!

There is never a dull moment here, I tell you whut. I especially love the characters who will crimp off a "Length o' Goodness" here but who won't leave a name or an e-mail address. Brave hearts, all!

Posted by: Elisson on August 8, 2005 10:54 PM

Fuck those losers...they can blow me like a dime-store beach ball.

Posted by: Bane on August 8, 2005 11:10 PM

I don't understand why your boxers are in a bunch over that......

Posted by: Suz on August 9, 2005 12:25 AM

I have a better one for you - reality is that which does not go away when you stop believing in it.

That said, I ain't real sure what reality has to do with Tall Dogs or any of your other overused cliches, but I would suspect not a damned thing.

Posted by: Arcs on August 9, 2005 10:10 AM

My favorite:

When you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas.

Posted by: Kellie on August 9, 2005 10:19 AM

I also don't see the problem.

"Reality is not what we make it" - we don't get to just make reality into whatever we want by wishing real hard - you can't change some things, and you can't make some things happen (or not happen).

"but it is indeed made up of the sum of our choices" - And yet, notwithstanding the first part, what you do does matter. Those choices have effects, that direct and constrain the reality you're stuck with later.

It's not exactly mind-blowingly deep, but it's not pomo trash either.

Posted by: Sigivald on August 9, 2005 12:58 PM

Hey Noby, only thieves steal other people's words without attribution. And only stupid thieves would steal those whiny, racist, ignorant words.

Posted by: Juliette on August 9, 2005 04:01 PM

Yeah, Juliette, I caught that too. Beneath contempt.

Posted by: Bane on August 9, 2005 04:58 PM
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