Gut Rumbles

July 13, 2005

stealing watermelons

I confess. I am a criminal.

In my younger days, I STOLE watermelons from a farmer's field. Those things dotted the landscape everywhere and I figured that he wouldn't miss JUST ONE, and I learned to grab my pick, tuck it under my arm like a football, run like hell and jump the fence before I got caught.

My friends and I weren't particular about how we sliced it, either. I usually had a pocket-knife, but if I didn't, we just bashed the melon on a piece of brick, broke it open and ate with our bare hands.

There is NO bigger treat for a bunch of young boys than a stolen watermelon on a hot summer day. Bejus, but I remember that.

The ones I buy today aren't nearly as sweet.


My uncle grew some of the biggest and the best melons in the state of Arkansas, and would give me all I wanted, but that was no fun, and I did dam near get shot, but shit those things did taste better when ya stole um.

Posted by: Ken on July 13, 2005 07:44 PM

I stole a watermelon once. The old man who owned the field shot me with some buckshot as I was trying like hell to jump across his fence. No real damage, but stung like hell. In hind site, it was a good thing. Stopped my life of crime before it even started. Of course today all types of lawyers would sue the old guy and parents would be on TV bitching about shooting some poor defense lad who was probably hungry anyway. But it taught me two lessons... 1) Don't steal and 2) For damn sure, don't steal from old geezers who will just as soon shoot your ass over a $2 watermelon.

Posted by: Dave on July 13, 2005 08:34 PM

I've felt the sting of buckshot- and rock salt- as the result of a dispute over the ownership of produce. Bust that melon over your knee and reach in wiht your hand, eat the heart and run like hell.

Posted by: og on July 13, 2005 09:04 PM

Isnt it just easier to BUY a watermelon? I mean, they dont cost all that they?

Posted by: Ruth on July 13, 2005 09:06 PM

But, Ruth, they don't taste nearly the same. Adrenaline does that. At least back then.

Nowadays, I'd bust my ass tryin' to get over a fence.

Posted by: That 1 Guy on July 13, 2005 11:14 PM

People not born in farm country don't understand the life of the young people who grew up that way. We always managed to steal a watermellon or two every year and on our overnight fishing trips on the river we alway raided a potato patch and graveled a few spuds, picked a few ears of corn and filched a mellon or two. Nothing was better than half cooked food on a river bank, but it did have it's draw backs when stealing in the dark. We were shot at one night in a mellon patch, but determined not to leave empty handed one of the guys grabbed the biggest mellon in the field. After running maybe two miles switching it off between us we got back to our campfire, broke it open and guess what, we had ran all that way with a pumpkin. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but we laughed about it for years, probably would today if we got togather.

Posted by: scrapiron on July 14, 2005 01:33 AM

Since you are a guitar picker you might want to go to this site and listen to the song. Someway I think it fits you to a 'T'. It's by a group called the Cherry Bombs. You may have already heard it. I keep the site in favorites but have the CD on order.

Posted by: scrapiron on July 14, 2005 02:12 AM

I was part of a work detail in boot camp. We were sent over to the commissary to unload a refrigerated freight car full of watermellons for the mess halls.

Just before we got done in the sun the Cook in charge told one of the guys "drop that watermellon"
"Drop that damn mellon on the dock"
He dropped the mellon and it busted open, of course.

That was a damn good mellon too. Cold and sweet.

Posted by: StinKerr on July 14, 2005 02:42 AM

Just shows to go you that a mellon you worked for can be as sweet as a stolen one.

Posted by: StinKerr on July 14, 2005 02:43 AM

We used to throw em into the river, and someone down stream would fish em out. Makes for a quick getaway, too.

The ripe ones would float, the unripe would sink.

Posted by: Yogimus on July 14, 2005 05:18 AM

I always looked forward to to the melon season. As a kid
Ruth, go buy your Honeydew at the wiggley.
My Black Diamond will be so much better....See, I learn't my kids rite, and they haven't even tasted rock salt yet..........

Posted by: murry on July 14, 2005 07:51 AM


As soon as I find an english translation for what you wrote, I will respond (I think)

Posted by: Ruth on July 14, 2005 08:02 AM

Dave, you should'a learned one more lesson... if you do try to take something, don't get caught! *winkwink*

Posted by: Ozarks Nick on July 14, 2005 10:46 AM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.