Gut Rumbles

June 05, 2005

that's me


When I picture myself as a character in a western movie, I'm not John Wayne or Sam Elliot. I am much more a Festus Hagin kinda guy. Yeah, I would ride a mule, look scruffy, talk with a funny accent and have a severe aversion to hard work. But I also would be a good person for watching your back in a scrape.

I've seen ken curtis in a lot of films, but I still like him best as Festus.

"Matthew, ya got dry-gulched is what happened to ya. That feller was fixin' to put another hole in you, so I finalized him. You sprung a pretty good leak, but I think I got it all plugged up now. Want some coffee and some heat-up frioles?"

That's MY kind of western character.


You do know don't you that Matt bent Festus over the water trough and pumped him on a regular basis? Don't you?

That's why Miss Kitty never put out....except to Doc.

Posted by: James Hooker on June 5, 2005 01:13 PM

Hell, I was going to point out that Festus indeed looks like Eric, but after Hooker's comment, I think that might be a bit rude.

Posted by: That 1 Guy on June 5, 2005 01:30 PM

you guys are disgusting--all this gay sex talk lately. Have I missed something here? Or are you just down wind victims of secret chemical warfare experiments.

"" The respected international journal New Scientist reports that the Pentagon has been involved in a plan to produce chemical weapons which make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. The idea is to disrupt organisation and discipline.""

What ever the case, knock it off would you please Rob? Rob? I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Posted by: Beth on June 5, 2005 02:38 PM

Actually, I always imagined you as a sort of new-age Ernest T Bass

Posted by: og on June 5, 2005 02:42 PM

What the hell is wrong with talking about the buggaring of Festus? I'm sure if Matt punched my cornhole card, everybody would be talking about me!

........reaching for my prep. H

Posted by: James Hooker on June 5, 2005 03:57 PM

Ernest T. Bass and I DO have a lot in common. And NOBODY ever butt-fucked Festus Hagin.

Posted by: Acidman on June 5, 2005 04:17 PM

Hey, I really liked Ernest T Bass.

Posted by: og on June 5, 2005 06:18 PM

OK, I don't know what is the"James Hooker" problem. Maybe it starts below ?
And Matt and Festus is jus' good ole TV cowboys.

I grew up working summers with real single cowboys, living in bunkhouses.
And, talk like "James" did above would have got you hurt.
So bad you wished you'd die quicker than you were going to.
I think the TV persona of Matt and Festus would approve of that.

Posted by: Dan Pursel on June 5, 2005 06:35 PM

I doubt I could ever be a character in a Western. The closest I could come would be Otis, the town drunk, in the Andy Griffith show.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on June 5, 2005 08:17 PM

James Hooker


Posted by: DavidB on June 5, 2005 08:22 PM

Goddamn!....A-Man, did you hide the sense of humor button again?

.........reaching for the gin

Posted by: James Hooker on June 5, 2005 08:31 PM

"James Hooker"

Thanks DavidB, you are also a smarter and better
and certainly a more elegantly eloquent man than I.

"Humor Button". Right.
Good evening all, better things to do.
Like clean the cat pan. My wife is off to see the kids. I hate cats.

Posted by: Dan P. on June 5, 2005 08:38 PM

Damn Son, Who'd have thunk it. Festus is the Mutants Daddy... Like I said, it's all in the eyes...

I like Festus too man. He was the whip.

Posted by: RedNeck on June 5, 2005 09:00 PM

I've been fuckin' off all day and ain't dead yet.....the night is young though.

Posted by: James Hooker on June 5, 2005 10:07 PM

I loved the character Festus, much more than Dennis Weaver's Charlie. Festus didn't have a lot going on upstairs, but he had heart and a conscience. That kinda made up for it.

He was one of my first childhood cruches. It didn't help matters that my mother had just about every Sons of the Pioneers album ever made!

Thanks for dragging me back down memory lane!

Posted by: Joni on June 6, 2005 01:57 AM

Crushes. Yeesh. No more Bailey's for me!

Posted by: Joni on June 6, 2005 01:59 AM

I followed the link that Rob was kind enough to provide. Did anyone else catch that James Best co-starred with Curtis in "Killer Shrews."

Now there's another good ole boy for ya.

Posted by: Joni on June 6, 2005 02:01 AM

Dennis weaver was "Chester" not Charlie. I liked Chester too.

Posted by: StinKerr on June 6, 2005 06:36 AM

Chester was ok as a person on the show BUT Festus was a CHARACTER I think perhaps one of the primere actors of the last century. And festus woulda just shot hooker for even thinkin any thing like that about Matheeeeeew.

Posted by: arathorn on June 6, 2005 09:03 AM

drag me out back then and shoot me. I'll do anything to get out of a 9 hour plane ride next week! That's my final word on the matter..............on the other hand.......

Posted by: James Hooker on June 6, 2005 10:50 AM

Lest you'all forget , Festus liked the drink. Even in the morning, but we never saw him smashed, That I can remember anyway. Watched the show every week with my Grandmother for years...MURRY

Posted by: murry on June 7, 2005 02:38 AM

All you young whippersnappers, I used to listen to Gunsmoke on the radio before it was on TV. (I think) it was William Conrad, the fat dude with the deep voice, who played Matt.

Posted by: Larry on June 7, 2005 09:54 PM
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