Gut Rumbles
 

May 23, 2005

is it born, or learned?

What makes you what you are? I've ponderd this question for a long time and I still don't have a clear answer. I know that a lot of what I believe and the way I think was taught to me by my parents and my family, but that doesn't explain everything.

Why have I always WANTED to write? Nobody else in my family has that same restless urge. Why me? My brother could probably be better at this crap than I am, but he just doesn't care to do it. He has other interests that motivate him.

Why am I so fascinated with music? My daddy couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and he always thought that I was pissing my life away during my musician days. But I've always dreamed of being able to make music, as far back as I can remember. I LIKE doing it and I'd rather buy a new guitar than eat when I'm hungry. Why?

Considering the fairly hard-scrabble family I came from, why do I care so little about money? I know a lot of people who use money to measure their scorecard of success. Money is the most important thing in their lives. It's never been that way for me.

All I ever wanted was NOT to be broke. That's why I don't understand these professional athletes who go free agent and jump ship because they can make $27 million in New York while Atlanta is willing to pay "only" $25 million. Got-dam! How much is enough?

I think one of the first things that started breaking me and Jennifer apart was when I turned down a big promotion at work. I was flattered to be offered the job, but I didn't want it. I worked a hell of a lot of hours the way things were, without piling on MORE responsibility and the raise in pay would mostly go for taxes, and I was happy doing what I was doing at the time. I didn't see that much to gain, and I saw a lot to lose.

Jennifer never forgave me for doing that. She's a climber, very money-oriented, and she cannot understand anyone who would refuse that next step on the ladder. "If you turn this down, they'll never offer it to you again," she said, more than once. I had always been a climber, too, but I finally hit my "comfort zone." I HAD everything I ever wanted.

I didn't want the job then and I couldn't see myself wanting it ten years later, either. I said, "Thanks, but no thanks." I think that's when Jennifer stopped being proud of me, especially after her star started rising and mine stayed put. She started making more money than I did. The marriage didn't last long after that.

Why do I like the woods better than I like the bustle of party-town? Why do I like guns better than I like fancy clothes and a hot-shot car? Why am I nervous (VERY NERVOUS) before doing any public speaking (although I'm good at it and I done it hundreds of times) when I've never had a problem playing guitar and telling jokes in front of 5,000 people?

Why do I love dogs and hate cats?

Why can't I learn to keep my fucking mouth shut sometimes?



Comments

Because you are who you are! You ain't perfect and ya ain't such a bad guy. You never put it all on the line. Take a fucking chance, let your self loose. And while you're at it. kiss my cracker ass. Us over 50 bunch pretty much been in the same places, I'd take a gun from the bad guys to save your sorry life, I did that once in south carolina, but it wasn't your life, it was Beth's do you r/emember that?

Posted by: ken on May 23, 2005 10:38 PM

Probably for the same reasons we have trouble keeping our clothes on in public...

Posted by: torchpraise on May 23, 2005 10:50 PM

"What makes you what you are?"

Simple answer: Everything you have ever experienced. All of it.

Posted by: JimK on May 23, 2005 11:08 PM

Yeah, Ken... I remember that. I remember what happened later, too. You should have let the crazy bastard shoot her.

Posted by: Acidman on May 23, 2005 11:16 PM

You wear your kind of hat, Rob.

Posted by: Renee on May 23, 2005 11:17 PM

If you ever decide to keep your mouth shut about anything, I won't bother coming back here. Who/what you are are what make this site so entertaining.

In your ranting, a lot of us see parts of ourself that we either enjoy or despise. Keep it up.

Posted by: og on May 24, 2005 12:10 AM

I think it is a combination of both. Your parents indoctrinated you with certain traits. You made your own way and finally your experiences in life molded your persona.The end result is what you see at the present time. Who knows in a few years you will most likely have a different outlook on everything.

Posted by: gravdigr on May 24, 2005 12:17 AM

As for the last question: because you find life so interesting!

Posted by: Brett on May 24, 2005 08:09 AM

For love you live,
And high you'll fly;
And smiles you'll give
And tears you'll cry.
But all your life will ever be
Is what you touch and what you see.

Anon

Seems to me Ole Anon had it all in
"one sock"!

Posted by: Indigo on May 24, 2005 10:00 AM

I gave up thinking about shit like that about 25 years ago. Kept me depressed as hell and a brown jug of the good stuff didn't help much either. Decided to fuck the past, wasn't a fucking thing I could do about it anyway and live each day as it comes and live it my way. If parents, sibs, wife, kids, and the public didn't like it then fuck them too. Hell of it is that I do believe I get along better now with all of them than I did before I got what my wife calls 'that attitude.'

Point is to just wake up everyday and read the obit page to be sure your not in it before you decide to go fishing. Otherwise you might spook the fish.

Posted by: GUYK on May 24, 2005 04:33 PM
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