Gut Rumbles
 

May 04, 2005

advice

I stole this idea from here and here. I've lived long enough to accumulate a bit of worldly wisdom, and I feel that is my civic duty to share some of it with you.

So, here are Acidman's 21 Pieces of Good Advice

1) If it sounds too good to be true, it is.

2) You NEVER get something for nothing in this world. Somebody has to pay.

3) If you never learn to play a musical instrument, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures in life.

4) Money isn't everything. Having money is better than being broke, but greed is the ugliest of sins.

5) Never betray a friend. That's a cut that never heals.

6) It's okay to fuck up. Everybody does. Just don't make it a habit to fuck up the same way over and over again. Learn from your mistakes.

7) Love your mama. She's the only one you'll ever have.

8) When you're knocked down, get back up, even when it hurts. Understand that life is going to pound you sometimes and learn to roll with the punches. If the pounding doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

9) Don't EVER say, "I love you" if you don't mean it.

10) There is no such thing as free pussy in this world. You're going to pay for it, one way or another.

11) Treat other people the way you want to be treated.

12) Keep your word, but NEVER expect a politician to do the same.

13) Drive in the got-dam right lane if you're not passing somebody. Use turn signals, too.

14) Turn OFF your fucking cell phone in movie theaters, restaurants and churches. Are you really THAT important? You can't go two hours without talking on the phone?

15) If you MUST use a cell phone in your car, pull over and park to do it. If more people HAD to do that, we'd have fewer people talking on cell phones. Those calls suddenly wouldn't be so important.

16) Take shit when you have to, but don't make it a habit. DO NOT take shit when you can stop it.

17) Learn to tell the difference between "friends" and "acquaintences." It doesn't matter whether you slept with them or not. There is a big difference between the two.

18) Be a complete slut in bed. Try it all and never feel guilty about it.

19) Accept responsibility for your own actions.

20) Eat what you like to eat and fuck all the doctors. Drink, smoke and dance with the devil. Who wants to live 100 years being miserable?

21) Read my blog every day. It is witty, well-written and just chock-full of gems such as this post. Trust me. Reading MY blog will make you a better person, not that I'm trolling for traffic or anything.

There. That's MY humble advice.

Comments

agreed

Posted by: heath on May 4, 2005 09:33 PM

Love it, especially the last one. I'm glad you came back, I would've missed you. :-(

Posted by: Alli on May 4, 2005 09:36 PM

All good points. And stay away from that wacked-out runaway bride gal. I hope she's nowhere near you, Rob. She even looks nuts!

Posted by: Cappy on May 4, 2005 09:57 PM

You're becoming Guru Rumbles.
@ the age of 46 I've learned I agree with most of these. :) T

Posted by: treasa on May 4, 2005 09:58 PM

The only addition I would make is, "It's OK to fuck up from time to time, the important thing is IF you LEARN from it and try not to make the same fuck up again."

Great all around, sound advice.

Posted by: Leuthen on May 4, 2005 09:59 PM

Word x 21.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on May 4, 2005 10:51 PM

hehe

Posted by: jb on May 4, 2005 11:32 PM

22. Always eat real mayonnaise, salad dressing and butter. And mozzarella cheese and toss the turkey sausage. And only let stupid people irritate you once. And, buy lots of shoes.

Posted by: bbking on May 5, 2005 12:16 AM

Amen. Pay close attention to numbers 5 and 9, folks. Speaking from personal experience, screwing those up can come back to burn you in ways that are hard to adequately describe.

Posted by: Tim Higgins on May 5, 2005 12:58 AM

I had some free pussy in the 70s and 80s

Am I paying for it now by not having any?

Probably

Sigh :~(

Posted by: wes jackson on May 5, 2005 02:06 AM

23. If someone fucks with you, fuck them back twice as hard immediately.

Posted by: assrot on May 5, 2005 08:03 AM

Correction:

12) Keep your word, but NEVER expect anyone else to do the same.

Posted by: Gramps on May 5, 2005 09:47 AM

18) Really? No guilt?

Woohoo !!!

Posted by: Jane Blow on May 5, 2005 10:50 AM

5,, might want to take your own advise

Posted by: James Old Guy on May 5, 2005 12:02 PM

Ain't it something. We get up in years and "aquire" this wisdom....when we really need it about 20-30 years sooner. (And never pay any real attention to it when it is given at that time.) Great post.

Posted by: Guy S. on May 5, 2005 12:17 PM

James, I have NEVER betrayed a friend. I HAVE ditched a couple of "aquaintences" lately. There is a BIG difference.

Posted by: Acidman on May 5, 2005 01:32 PM

3) If you never learn to play a musical instrument, you're missing out on one of the greatest pleasures in life.

I would amend that to read: find that one hobby that makes your life complete and relish it. For you that appears to be music. I have no aptitude for music and over the years have tried to learn to play clarinet, guitar, trumpet, violin, and piano. I can't sing (ask my wife ;) ) as I am tone deaf.

What I can do however is draw/paint which I inherited from my dad.
You can see some of his work here

Posted by: Opinionated Vogon on May 5, 2005 02:24 PM

Good shit, man.

Posted by: JG22 on May 5, 2005 09:39 PM

Greed is worse than a belief system that has fathers kill their daughters for talking with a boy (now spreading to Europe) and mothers bragging about dressing their sons in TNT belts?

Greed is like lust or any other character flaw. Channeled correctly, it can be elevating, inspiring a man to provide.

Posted by: Aaron's cc: on May 5, 2005 10:51 PM

Naw, Aaron, we need to tolerate diversity a little more; there's so much we could learn from that culture, you know!

Feminists over here went nuts over shit concerning equal pay, while their sisters in Afghanistan were getting beaten and I think even shot because of some dress code violations. In Iran, there was a teenage girl a few months back who got executed NOT because of the crime she had been accused of, but because she had spoken to the judges with "a sharp tongue," while defending herself.

This diversity crap is going to come back and bite us in the ass, one day.

Posted by: JG22 on May 6, 2005 04:31 AM

(24) Use sunscreen when you're young and know your PSA when you're older. The Big C is not to be trifled with.

Posted by: Ernie G on May 6, 2005 10:06 AM
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