Gut Rumbles

May 04, 2005

a man

I think I blogged about it before, but it's a good, TRUE story worth telling again. this post reminded me of it.

My father pretty much raised himself and became the youngest section foreman Kentucky had ever seen in a coal mine when he was 23 years old. He did hard work and bossed rough cobs all of his life. He was a hillbilly and he didn't believe in taking shit from anybody.

I was over at the house one day and Dad and I were drinking beer at the kitchen table and talking about all manner of things, when all of a sudden, I saw my father's jaw clench and veins stand out in his neck "Look at THAT," he said.

A big dog was hunkered down taking a righteous shit in my father's front yard. My dad said, "I warned that bastard about that dog. He just don't wanna listen."

With that statement, my father got up from the table, walked to his garage and fetched a shovel. He scooped up the still-steaming dogshit in the yard and went walking down the street. He went to the house where the dog lived and rang the doorbell.

When the door opened, my father said, "I think this belongs to YOU," and he tossed that shovel-full of shit right into their foyer. Then, he turned around and walked back home.

The dog never shit in his yard again.

My daddy had balls.


Good men like that are few and far between, you just can't find them anymore.

Posted by: Alaska Kim on May 4, 2005 12:44 PM

I would LOVE to do that to the person who's dog keeps shitting on our front yard. I can't stand loose dogs running about.

Posted by: Maeve on May 4, 2005 01:20 PM

Hmmm......Sounds alot like me. I don't think its funny when I do things like that but reading about someone else doing it is fucking hilarious. Thanks for a good laugh. The world would sure be a better place if more people were like that.

Posted by: assrot on May 4, 2005 01:23 PM

If you can't figure out who the dog belongs to so you can return the deposit just get a wrist rocket sling shot and a peach pit. Guaranteed to convince the dog to find somewhere else to shit!

Posted by: Rey on May 4, 2005 02:27 PM

.. I think the point is... don't try to bulldog a hillbilly... you are liable to get more than you bargained for...

Posted by: Eric on May 4, 2005 06:05 PM

Hey Rob,

Along the lines of southern heritage, I thought you may get a chuckle from this joke someone sent me:

A very genteel Southern Lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge one day.

As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man ready fixing to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."

He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''

She replied...
'Well, just go ahead and jump, you dumb ass yankee."

Posted by: Dave S. on May 5, 2005 10:11 AM
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