Gut Rumbles

April 05, 2005

i've never understood it either

The woman is pissed and I don't blame her one bit. I've seen these contraptions in men's room's, too and they always make me angry.

First of all, they load the things with toilet paper that is reject stuff from a sand-paper factory. Second, they rig the machine so that you can get a maximum of four sheets at a time, and even if you roll it all into a tight bunch, your finger can still pierce it and you end up wiping you ass like an Arab. Some fucked-up bureaucrat sold management on that brilliant cost-saving idea.

I agree with Key. If I pay $50 to get into your place, I expect a nice bathroom in there. I don't think that's too much to ask. You give me that industrial-bureaucrat treatment and I just might shit in your sink and piss on the floor. Bastards.

I stayed in a really nice hotel in Miami once, and I didn't know what to make of the bathroom attendent. I had never seen one before. This guy was dressed in a coat and tie and when you finshed your business, he offered you a hot towel to wash your hands with, and some cologne to splash on your face. Now THAT'S the way to go to the bathroom. I liked that treatment and I tipped him $2.00.

I agree with Key. Fuck 'em if they treat you like dirt.


After a weekend of binge-drinking at Va Tech, my buddy and I stopped at a gas station to fill up for the long ride back to Jersey.

Wouldn't you know these fucking camel humpers had NO toilet paper? A little "redecorating" of the walls was in good form, I think.

Posted by: rightisright on April 5, 2005 09:15 PM

On the other hand, I was out at the Parks and Rec field tonight. Their stalls were completely out of tp, but they had plenty of the rough, brown paper towels by the sink.

Of course these were used as a substitute, all the toilets were clogged with them, and the result smelled not unlike an old-fashioned outhouse.

I'm not sure which situation is more annoying, but I'm still leaning for the governer on the damn Georgia Pacific Compact TP Dispenser. (May the things be recalled and melted down into Preparation H applicators.)

Thank you for your empathy. I am still in shock, as I believe that I have seen the words, "I agree with Key" not once, but TWICE...

Posted by: Key on April 5, 2005 11:02 PM

In boot camp we called it "John Wayne" toilet paper...Rough and tough and don't take shit off nobody. Charmin Ultra.....MMMMMM what a pleasure it is to wipe yer ass with that cloud like TP. You can't stick yer finger through that stuff. Expensive as far as TP goes but wipes smooooooth. Oh yeah, and dingleberries....nope not one. Wimmen don't understand the dingleberry. Men got hairy asses. It shreds that weak see thru TP. and leaves thousands of little TP balls stuck to yer ass hairs (dingleberries)....cemented there with shit, so to dispose of a dingleberry is to dispose of the hair it is attached to. Fuckers start to itch after a while too. mmkay? Some things are worth splurgin' on.

Posted by: DONGER on April 5, 2005 11:15 PM

Hey Donger, get a "brazilian wax" and you won't EVER have to worry about dingelberries.

Posted by: Maeve on April 6, 2005 01:43 AM

What?!, it hurts like hell pullin one of them sum bitches out. Yer tellin me, the answer is to pull all of 'em out. WTF? You a masochist there MAEVE? Not that there's anything wrong w/ that. Spankins are cool. Man I'm off subject ain't I? Nope, dont see the old dong man payin' 50 bucks to some vietnamese nail chick to rip out my butt hairs. Don't that wax come.....all inclusive. DAMN! That'd mean I'd have the Scrote of a young boy. Sorry, I'd feel like a pediphile every time I hit my shit. Thanx anyway MAEVE!

Posted by: DONGER on April 6, 2005 02:35 AM

I'll spank you though!

Posted by: DONGER on April 6, 2005 02:39 AM

TMI Donger! Always tip the bathroom attendant. Always. What if you had to do that job? What if Acidman pissed me off and I had that job? Believe me, you don't want to know!

Posted by: Ed on April 6, 2005 08:26 AM

Sure Donger, if you think you are man enough to give me a spanking!
; )

Posted by: Maeve on April 6, 2005 10:27 AM
Post a comment

*Note: If you are commenting on an older entry, your
comment will not appear until it has been approved.
Do not resubmit it.