Gut Rumbles

March 04, 2005


Mama went into Hospice today. The nurse told me that mama has maybe three days, maybe three weeks to go. ("She won't see the end of the month.") She's in bad shape and suffering a lot. Her condition has deterioriated seriously over the past week. Even with oxygen, she can barely breathe anymore.

I told my daughter that I would buy her a plane ticket if she would fly to Savannah as quickly as she can. She should be here tomorrow. It appears that my wonderful son could give a shit.

Got-dam! If there was a light switch on the wall that I could turn OFF, and make my mama stop breathing, I would do it. Right now. That may sound sound heartless and cruel, but it doesn't seem that way to me. I can't stand to see her just hanging on by her fingernails with no hope for recovery.

I've heard good things about Hospice. I hope they take care of my mama.


Hospice is great! Good luck in the coming days. Remember you mama would want you to take care of yourself right now, so don't let her down!

Posted by: Michele on March 4, 2005 01:23 PM

Donít get down on your sonó8/9 year old boys donít have a clue what is going on.

Posted by: jim on March 4, 2005 01:28 PM

you and mama are in my prayers.

Posted by: og on March 4, 2005 01:50 PM

Rob --

Hospice folks were wonderful to my dad -- and to the rest of my family -- in his last days. And I know what you mean about just pulling the plug. Wish I'd have had the guts to give him just a little more morphine that necessary in order to make his suffering end.

Just love your Mama and tell her everything you need to say. (Although, knowing you, you've already done this several times over.) That's okay: nothing else counts.

I'm praying for you and yours.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver on March 4, 2005 01:50 PM

It doesn't sound heartless at all. You don't want her to suffer. Hospice is a wonderful thing...when my grandmother was dying they made her last days as comfortable as possible and acted as a wonderful support system for the family she was leaving behind.

Posted by: Sharon on March 4, 2005 01:51 PM

Wishing for a switch to turn off is the Sweetest Thing you could wish for. I went thru this last year with MY Mom - a 2 month vigil after her 23 year battle with Parkinson's. Her Doc kept increasing the morphine IV, and slowly cutting off the flow thru the feeding tube, and it was horrendous. Even though she'd been unconscious the final week and a half ,Mom waited til we'd all gone home for the night before she breathed her last, and took her well-earned rest. We miss her terribly, but she's in a MUCH better place. Hang in there.

Posted by: Pete the Streak on March 4, 2005 02:00 PM

Rob, You and your mama are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope her suffering ends quickly and you are able to celebrate her life in your memory.

Posted by: The Maximum Leader on March 4, 2005 02:00 PM

I went through it with my Gram--I was her caregiver and she couldn't breathe. I loved her like she was my mother, too. It's the most horrible thing in the world to watch someone you love go like that. You do not sound heartless and cruel...I know exactly how you feel.

Hospice will do her right.

I'm pretty much a godless bitch, but I'm praying very hard for you both.

Posted by: Amy on March 4, 2005 02:02 PM

I'm waiting on my confirmation e-mail and I should be there Sunday. See you then and hang in there.

Posted by: Sam on March 4, 2005 02:06 PM

I know its not much but if there's anything you need from Cali/DC - say the word

Posted by: Princess Cat on March 4, 2005 02:22 PM

My father was in the care of Hospice when he died. They are truly caring and wonderful people. It's hard to remember all the details when you're watching a parent die, so it's nice to have people around who will remember.
Watching him die was the hardest thing I had to do. I, too, prayed that he would finally stop breathing and just rest. Hanging on in that state between life and death is its own hell.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Posted by: DeAnna on March 4, 2005 02:39 PM

Hospice is wonderful. They not only help the patient but the family. You and your mama are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Moogie on March 4, 2005 02:46 PM

We had home hospice for Mom and Dad. I can't say enough good about them, particularly for Mom. They didn't have Dad too long, just a matter of hours... No, you don't sound heartless, just a loving and devoted son who wants only the best for her. A good Hospice group will give you the best they possibly can, and help her and you.

Posted by: Laughing Wolf on March 4, 2005 03:43 PM

I had the same wish about my mothers' mother. She went into senile dementia for the last two years of her life, and it was terrible to see.

For what it's worth, she's known you were there, and that counts for a lot.

Posted by: Mark on March 4, 2005 04:28 PM


Hospice was wonderful to us in my father's final days. They were good at their jobs, as well as compassionate. I have nothing but respect for those caring individuals.

I pray for peace, for both of you, in different ways.

Posted by: Christina on March 4, 2005 05:37 PM

I'm sure the hospice folks will help your mama. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Your son may be scared of the whole situation. After my grandad had a stroke and I saw him hooked up to half a room of machines, I couldn't go back the next day. I sat in the hospital parking lot overwhelmed with fear at the thought that his room would be empty if I went inside. I was in my twenties, so I can imagine what it might be like for a very young man like your son. I was ashamed of my actions. Your son may have his regrets someday, but I hope he comes around so he can visit his grandmother and leave nothing unsaid.

Posted by: Roy on March 4, 2005 06:40 PM

Hospice cared for my mom. They were all wonderful. I walked in the door and they said "you must be the daughter, She's been waiting for you". (She was in AZ and I was in GA). It takes special people to work hospice. I could never do it but I have to admire them immensely. Thinking of you and your mama.

Posted by: Em''s Mom on March 4, 2005 06:55 PM

You and your Mama are in my prayers, hospices are so much better than other facilities for those passing, she knows you are there and you care, God Bless you in this time of sorrow.

Posted by: Jack on March 4, 2005 11:42 PM

After reading your post above "Mama Tried" I could barely see my monitor from misting up thinking about my own mom. As for "flipping a switch", I think our family doctor did that for my mom. She went unconcious for the last time in the hospital while my Dad, my sister, and I sat there watching the blood pressure and pulse monitor readings lower hour by hour. Our family doctor asked to talk to us in the hallway, he let us know that she wasn't coming out of it, and while he was speaqking to us a nurse went in the room. When she came out she told us my mom had passed. I have a suspicion that she may have deliberately overmedicated my mom to hasten the inevitable, and if she did I owe that nurse a debt of gratitude I can never repay.

You don't sound heartless and cruel at all.

Posted by: Graumagus on March 5, 2005 03:50 PM
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