Gut Rumbles

March 03, 2005

i'm gonna cook a pig

Fuck steve H.. I know how to cook a pig and I think I'm going to do one at Jekyll Island. I have a shovel, some nice oak wood, four cinder blocks and a big piece of stainless steel checkerboard expanded metal. I'll put a rub on that bastard pig, cook him all night long and DARE Steve to tell me that it's not good, when his mouth is full and pork grease is running down his chin.

If he says it's NOT good, I'll order my minions to throw HIM in the fire, goddamit! I can cook a fucking pig. It'll be the best pork you ever tasted, and I don't need any exotic smoker to do it, either. Wood, a hole in the ground and some patience. That's all it takes.

Well, you need a PIG, too, but I'll make sure we have one of those.


So, that's what happened to V-man's "Billy the speckled piglet."


Posted by: Christina on March 3, 2005 09:57 PM

Last time I cooked a whole hog, outside in a pit, we all got drunk and very fucked up and burned the hog up. The outside was burnt like a piece of charcoal, but inside was very good eating. I woke up and saw flames shooting 20 feet in the air, I told everyone, the hog is on fire and everyone told me to go piss up a rope, Cat.

Posted by: Catfish on March 3, 2005 10:34 PM

Are you sure you want to to do this? There's a whole bunch gotchas waiting for you. I getting to be an old hand and I still get suprised. Tell me how big and I'll give my 2 cents.

Posted by: Ed on March 4, 2005 08:21 AM

Not to worry,, Hog Boy uses a damn Dremel tool to drill holes. His barbque has to be just as weak. Real men don't barbque a hog with less than a fifth of JD on call.

Posted by: James Old Guy on March 4, 2005 01:50 PM
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