Gut Rumbles

March 02, 2005

i've got a bad feeling

My mama's time is short. She's on oxygen now and she sleeps a lot, even though she won't take the pain medication the doctors give her. I'm thinking about busting some of that stuff up and mixing it with ginger ale and slippin' her a dose for her own good. She's pretty much quit eating and she's losing weight fast.

Hard-headed old woman. Won't listen to anybody, much like a son she raised.

I'm going back to see her again tomorrow, but I believe that the time for visiting is running out. I hate to see this happen, but at this point I hope the end comes sooner rather than later. She deserves better than this.

She's my mama.


It sometimes helps to have a few simple words stated for the record: "Mama, I don't want you to worry, I'll be's OK, Mama, time for you to rest."

Seems really hard for some folks to go if they feel they are still needed to "fix things"...

Statistics (I know your Mama ain't no statistic - just hear me out) say that most folks pass around 2 or 3 in the morning when there are no visitors....nurses believe patients hang on when family is around... they feel they have to for their families. When the quiet time comes in the earlly morning, they feel free to go.

Just a thought, friend.

Posted by: Maggie on March 2, 2005 08:00 PM

That's good advice from Maggie. Follow your withered little heart, Rob, and know that we wish the both of you Peace.

Posted by: Stoney on March 2, 2005 08:02 PM

Rob: The time release mechanisims of certain pain relievers are short-circuited by crushing the tablets. here's a good reference. Just be careful, for mom's sake. May God make her remaining time painless.

Posted by: og on March 2, 2005 08:43 PM

as hard as it maybe, she's doing it HER WAY--respect her last wishes--its HER life-and death--prayers to you all---

Posted by: mikeymom on March 2, 2005 08:52 PM

here's hoping for the best in this tough situation...

my dad passed away at the age of 48 and my mom went when she was 63 and both were gone in an instant. even now i dont know if that was more preferred than having them go more slowly...

as i think about it, i think i would have preferred to have it happen at least a little more slowly. even as painful as it must be to watch her go like this, be grateful you're able to be with her as it happens...

Posted by: mr. helpful on March 2, 2005 09:02 PM

There are no "right words" at a time like this, Rob. Just know I send love and prayers.

Posted by: Indigo on March 2, 2005 09:41 PM

I know what you're going through. I've been there, and it isn't easy, and there isn't damned thing to say that will make it easier. My thoughts are with you, and if you need anything, just ask.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on March 2, 2005 10:29 PM

I'm sorry, Rob. I just recently saw my dad go through this with my grandmother. I don't have any magic words and I know nothing I can say will help. Like Indigo, I just want you to know you and your mom are in my prayers.

Posted by: Adam Lawson on March 2, 2005 10:35 PM

Life is tragc, our secular world does not want you to know it. After my mother died, and I thought it would not affect me at all, I began to have bouts of depression each afternoon. How did know I suffered from depression? Well, I read the warning signs for depression. After moms death, each afternoon I knew I was depressed, never felt anything like it in my life. It was like a visitor who came at 1pm. Would not call it an illness. Never felt in 50 years of life lived as stupidly as anyone can live it. One day it was there.

Each day late afternoon I feel depression.
I even know y cooking dinner it will be gome so it does not afect one choice I make or thing I do. Maybe it is my payment.

Posted by: Doug_S on March 2, 2005 10:37 PM

Rob, you know I just lost my father not long ago.

I do know and understand where you are.

No regrets. You know she loves you and always has, just as she knows you love her.

You both are in my thoughts.

Posted by: Christina on March 2, 2005 10:56 PM

Rob, my thoughts are with you and your Mama. I've been there and done that, and it is the hardest thing in the world. You got a lot of folks pulling for you, for what it's worth.

Posted by: Elisson on March 2, 2005 11:39 PM

If you think your mom is in pain, call her hospice nurse and ask for roxinal. It is liquid morphine and just a few drops will work to ease her pain. We use it a lot in hospice for people who are not eating and need pain relief. I also echo Maggie's comments. Take care, thoughts are with you.

Posted by: Patsy on March 3, 2005 05:19 AM

I can relate to what you're going through. I lost my Mother five years ago this month and there's not a day that I don't think of her. At the end she was in such bad condition that her quaility of life was horrible. I was relieved when she died and then I felt guilty for thinking that. She had a "Living Will", so her agony was not prolonged.

I hope my children will care about me as you do your Mother.

Posted by: McDonough Judy on March 3, 2005 07:32 AM

Rob, it's a tough situation for both of you....for her because of the pain and for you because of the pain of watching it happen. Take care of her and yourself, dude. You both deserve better than this.

Posted by: zonker on March 3, 2005 08:14 AM

I lost my sister (and best friend) 2 years ago from cancer. I can relate exactly to what you're going through. It's very hard. My thoughts are with you, Rob.

Posted by: Peggy on March 3, 2005 10:18 AM

I'll be thinking the good thoughts for you and your Mom.

Posted by: Scott P on March 3, 2005 11:57 AM

I was where you are back in '97. In fact, it was eight years ago yesterday that my mother passed. I wish you strength during this difficult time.

Posted by: Steve H. on March 3, 2005 12:26 PM

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. It is a very difficult road that you must travel and I hope for you peace at the end of it.. Laugh with her while you can............. Love her for all time.

Posted by: Arathorn on March 3, 2005 04:35 PM
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